Are affairs more commonplace than thought?

[itsstrangebutitstrue]

DH and I got married when we were 20. We're 22 now. The more I hear/see it/about it, the more I think it'll be inevitable for DH to have an affair. We've only ever 'been' with each-other. What are the odds we'll be together until one of us dies faithfully? I feel so down right now after hearing a few stories and need a reality check. Tia.

I think it's very very common but people don't generally find out about their friends/family affairs either because the cheater is good at keeping in secret so their spouse never finds out or because their spouse does find out but keeps it quiet.

Among work colleagues it's incredibly common. I'd say at least 60%-70% of my male colleagues have cheated on their partners and the vast majority of the rest definitely would if the opportunity came their way. Women in my field don't have affairs at anywhere near the same rate.

Conference season is basically old senior men on the pull.

Vile.

I'm mid 40s and only know one couple where he had an affair. Most of our friends have been married about 15 years.

But we were older than you when we got married and so had done a bit of sowing our wild oats.

Why did you get married so young?

So true @PicsInRed re your Venn diagram. Brilliantly put.

Same way when someone asks 'are all men evil cheats?' all those who have experienced an evil cheat will pile in saying YES THEY'RE ALL LIKE THAT

That's as far as you know though Lego r.e. your friends.

I would imagine OP married for the same reason most do.

Been married for 25 years. Childhood sweethearts. He recently had an emotional affair. Two people know about it so yes it's more common than people think. No one would suspect him if anything if they didn't know

I’ve never been unfaithful, neither has DH (to each other or to any previous partner’s). DH was cheated on quite a lot by his only previous serious partner which damaged his trust a fair amount. MIL also cheated on FIL with his best friend who she is still with to this day , that was after a 20 year marriage. I’ve only been cheated on by one person, the woman contacted me to tell me and I ended it straight away.

None of our friends are unfaithful. One of my friends partner’s was married when they started seeing one another though, I greatly frowned upon it at the time but he did leave his wife fairly swiftly.

I’m not sure how common it is overall since my experiences are purely anecdotal rather than statistical. It’s not inevitable though, that’s for sure.

None of our friends are unfaithful. One of my friends partner’s was married when they started seeing one another though, I greatly frowned upon it at the time but he did leave his wife fairly swiftly.

Now that's a contradictory statement in itself.

@itsstrangebutitstrue i find comfort in your post as I'm 23 and we have been married for 8 months (together 7 years) and have always thought the same... very sad if it is as common as I think :(

Same way when someone asks 'are all men evil cheats?' all those who have experienced an evil cheat will pile in saying YES THEY'RE ALL LIKE THAT

Not all. I've been cheated on. Still with that person, better marriage than before, my husband is not promiscuous, never has been, is not actually all that socially adept and is on the spectrum. He's incredibly remorseful for what he's done and it's been a catalyst for massive change for both his personally and our marriage.

None of my friends would have known if we hadn't chosen to tell them. A lot don't know. A lot say we are "couple goals" and have no idea.

All men are different. They cheat for different reasons and in different circumstances (much like women).

That's why massive generalisations (and even Venn diagrams) aren't very accurate. Human behaviour is so nuanced. There may be themes but they are never going to be complete and how the others react may be different.

I've never cheated. Faithful forever but I ended up with a cheater. I've never known anyone but my mother cheat on someone (and petty school relationships).

Would I rather be in the faithful relationship Venn circle? Yes. But I didn't have much choice.

Very common. Of all my friends whose long term marriages split, all were due to an affair (usually his.)

It's why the 'all cheaters are evil' line doesn't wash. Chump lady says cheating is due to narcissism. So anything from 40 - 60 percent of the human population have narcissistic personality disorder and are evil then? Don't be so ridiculous.

I’m a male married with a daughter but having a affair and the best sex ever with a woman who is up for anything

Known lots of cheaters..both male and female. Sad but real world and amazingly many relationships are successful as they keep it a secret and don't leave for the Om or OW

Yy It’s just the sex. It’s amazing. You don’t need to be unhappy. Just want more or different sex

@Mech10 What a DISGUSTING human you are!!! Sounds as if you are proud of yourself too!!
Your poor poor wife and Daughter. What sort of example are you showing your Daughter? Would you be happy for her partner in the future to treat her in such a way?

Generally speaking people keep affairs secret so of course there's more of it happening then we realise
We like to think that all cheaters get caught but I doubt that is the case.

Yes you are right amazing sex willing to try anything

Well, you get that with blow-up dolls, @Mech10.

Lol I would try one why not

Cheating is very common yes and it sounds depressing, but there is no point worrying about it!

I've been cheated on twice, but I have also had two very loyal partners. You just never know what's going to happen.

My grandparents met in their mid teens, married by 17 and were together almost 60 years before one died. They had only ever been with each other and neither one ever cheated. Two of their children also married young and have been together 30+ years without cheating. My mum had a different experience with my dad shagging everything that moved and some things that didn’t. It is possible but it depends on the people

I know two past work colleagues who I now know mainly via facebook. They both portray wonderful lives and perfect families - yet I know one husband has had multiple ONSs and a few extra marital relationships; the other acts inappropriately with younger women and acts as if he's up for anything. Another friend's husband acts very differently when drunk with his male friends - I thought he was a wonderful man when I first met him - he was so good with his children and a very loving husband. Exactly the type of man I wanted!

I can't believe everyone is unaware of what's going on. I think there is a lot of pretending and deliberate ignorance happening. As long as it doesn't impact home life then it seems to be considered acceptable.

Working a hotel I can tell ya every single pissing night there’d be a guy at my bar telling me how wonderful his wife and kids are then offering me up to their room after work.

People don't talk about it, and people expect there to be some stereotypical type who would cheat.

There isnt, people cheat for a lot of reasons, many very sad and linked very closely to how their relationship with their spouse has evolved.

Those saying don’t know any friends that have cheated or family. You cannot know for absolute certain. Some people are extremely good at hiding it