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Original poster

Girl getting changed in front of boyfriend?

148 replies

Solar95 · 26/08/2019 20:00

Let me start off by saying I think I'm being overly paranoid here 🙈
My boyfriend went on a lads trip for 3 weeks, we had a big issue with a secret snapchat and him lying about some messages from an ex, still currently working through that.
He showed me a video of his mates mucking around and the only girl on the trip was just getting completely changed in front of them all. Now obviously I'm not comfortable with this, I do think it's a bit inappropriate but not for one second do I think anything has gone on between them.
My issue is with the way I found out. If a guy friend for completely naked in front of me I'd mention it to my boyfriend but he hasn't once brought it up and I've found out through this video. I don't think he meant to show me her getting undressed. Nothing has been said but I feel like a boundary has been crossed but am I over reacting?

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 07:54

I live in the Netherlands and the sauna (particularly in the south) is a mixed activity too. Granted it’s not something I’d do regularly but then again I’m less proud of my post baby bod but back in the day, when tummy controlled underwear weren’t in my knicker draw, I gave less of a shit.

I think the difficulty for some is that nudity always has a sexual component. The idea that this woman didn’t ‘need’ to be naked in from of these men seems to speak to some of a ‘motive’.

HeckyPeck · 28/08/2019 07:56

calling a guy an idiot for apologising because he didn't realise he was filing a girl getting changed

He’s lying. If he hadn’t realised she was getting changed he wouldn’t have quickly panned the camera away.

It’s not his first lie and it won’t be the last.

Being with a liar is exhausting and soul destroying OP. Trust me.

Being with someone you can rely on to be honest is so much better.

Don’t saddle yourself with this liar.

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 08:02

Let me start off by saying I think I'm being overly paranoid here

This is your opening paragraph, no assumptions made but maybe you should read your own thread.

Actually, I don’t think you’re paranoid. I think you’ve been badly hurt and you are trying desperately to temper your anxieties while being in a relationship that triggers them.

It’s not uncommon for women to focus on the behaviour of other women because questioning the intentions of their man is too close to painful. I get it on some level but it’s just so depressing.

Sp3849 · 28/08/2019 08:19

You are calm?! If my husband went away with 8 friends and a girl stripped off naked in front of them I would expect him too leave the room. Or at least ring me horrified at the prospect some girl thought it was OK too do that! I have had an incident were a "friend" got changed in front of my husband once at our house rather than use the bathroom or a bedroom she just whipped her clothes off where she was standing and was in her underwear but he left the room immediately and was horrified we still laugh about it now but something doesn't add up too me

Branleuse · 28/08/2019 08:30

Focussing on the woman is because she was the only one getting naked ffs.
Have you been living under a rock to understand getting naked in front of people in the uk has connotations? Its not neutral. It never has been.
Getting naked in front of 8 members of the opposite sex has blatant connotations and you don't need to sit there second guessing yourself as to whether its innocent or not. Even in very open fanilies, children are quite aware of persobal privacy.
Even in scandinavia, im pretty sure a single girl undressing in front of a group of men of the opposite sex, as the only woman, would have connotations. Its not a sauna situation ffs.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 28/08/2019 08:31

branleuse and what the fuck can the OP do to change the woman's behaviour? That's my point. It doesn't really matter if it was appropriate or inappropriate, what matters is her partner's response.

But of course, everyone just loves to stick the boot into a woman whenever they have a chance.

CookPassBabtridge · 28/08/2019 08:36

Getting down to bra and knickers- fine, it's like a bikini. Totally naked is weird.

Branleuse · 28/08/2019 08:47

She can't and she's been quite clear she isnt trying to change womans behavioir. That doesnt mean shes out of order or posessive to be concerned though.

A lot of women will have either known women who act like this around men, or have acted like this themselves when younger and can recognise it. Doesnt make her a bad person, but it would get MANY womens hackles up around her, and its unsisterly. Shes not a girls girl.
The reason people are concentrating on her and not the men, is because that's quite clearly what the post is about.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 28/08/2019 08:56

I can't believe that many men, didn't notice their female friend was naked, in the background of a video or that at least one didn't pick up on it, or point it out to the rest, once they'd all seen it.

In the video, is she positioned so the rest would have been able to see her too, or just your bf? Do any of them look at her or anything, or do they seem genuinely unaware? Have you seen the group chat? Or any messages from when they were away?

Why did he show you the video? Was there anything genuinely funny or whatever about it, or was her being naked in the background the most interesting part..?

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 09:05

Focussing on the woman is because she was the only one getting naked ffs.

She wasn’t though but I understand why you missed it given that the she bore the brunt of the pasting.

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 09:06

The reason people are concentrating on her and not the men, is because that's quite clearly what the post is about.

Which is a double standard.

Original poster
Solar95 · 28/08/2019 09:07

There is something funny going on in the video, the group of guys are all in the centre and this girl is off to the side. They all seem interested in the funny thing going on. I've not seen the group chat or any messages or anything like that. I think he showed me the video because he genuinely thought I would find it funny

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 09:09

If my husband went away with 8 friends and a girl stripped off naked in front of them I would expect him too leave the room. Or at least ring me horrified at the prospect some girl thought it was OK too do that!

Hmm
Branleuse · 28/08/2019 09:13

If my dp went away with a male group and one woman and she started stripping off, im sure he would be delighted.

There is no way in hell that he wouldnt have noticed.

C0untDucku1a · 28/08/2019 09:39

Has he deleted the video from the whatsapped group chat for everyone too?

Original poster
Solar95 · 28/08/2019 09:48

She's in that group as well so she's aware it has been shared. I've spoken to him about deleting it and maybe talking to the guys about making sure it's deleted on their end as well. She could be saying she's OK with it just to look cool or something

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 28/08/2019 09:57

He can deleted it for everyone on whatsapp if he uploaded it. He doesnt need to involve the others in the decision.

Remember you said the men were also freely
Changng in fromt of each other? Did you ask your partner of he always got undressed in the bathroom?

Original poster
Solar95 · 28/08/2019 09:59

It's in case they've saved it or anything.

He said he hung about in his boxers in the room but got changed in the bathroom

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 10:07

I've spoken to him about deleting it and maybe talking to the guys about making sure it's deleted on their end as well.

And.... he needs to think about it, consult with his priest, set up a poll? For someone who’s embarrassed about it, he sure is dragging his feet about getting rid of it.

Do you really want to waste more of your time clueing him in?

Original poster
Solar95 · 28/08/2019 10:14

He's not dragging his feet, he's at work so therefore can't have his phone on him. He's probably not seen that message? You're quick to defend this girl and quick to assume the worst of the man

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 28/08/2019 10:22

Agentjohnson, what the hell are you going on about? It's really weird when people deviate from social norms like that. Generally women wouldn't stand there in front of men and get naked..and men wouldn't do it in front of women!!
I've seen a few teenage boys or younger men get naked in front of a group of girls alright, generally at house parties or messing around. Never saw a grown man do it!

It sounds like you who is trying to be the cool girl!!

LochJessMonster · 28/08/2019 10:32

I think its strange that a girl would get completely naked in front of 8 guys (or roles reversed)
Absolutely no one I know would do that.

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 10:41

Is being the ‘cool girl’ supposed to be an insult, how very dare you Grin. I actually do think I’m cool but not in the derogatory way you mean.

You do realise that not everyone shares the exact same value systems. Clearly the bf of the OP doesn’t share hers, if he needs telling to delete ‘accidental’ videos he makes of his nude female friend. The issue for the OP is does she want to spend her time schooling him?

There’s the beginnings of a parent/ teenage dynamic brewing which is never good. I suspect that he will revert back to not sharing things with her ‘for her own good’.

AgentJohnson · 28/08/2019 10:50

You're quick to defend this girl and quick to assume the worst of the man.

To your knowledge the man still has a video of a naked female friend, the nakedness should need no defending the keeping of the video of the nakedness is problematic.. If she had video of your naked bf I’d wouldn’t think to highly of her either.

I think your intelligent enough to know the difference but your in ‘defence of my man mode’ so you can’t acknowledge it. Which of course is your prerogative.

Original poster
Solar95 · 28/08/2019 10:52

Ah I see, you're just looking for someone to argue with. I'm not going to get into this with you, I've explained myself pretty clearly which almost everyone else can see

OP posts:
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