Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Girl getting changed in front of boyfriend?

148 replies

Solar95 · 26/08/2019 20:00

Let me start off by saying I think I'm being overly paranoid here 🙈
My boyfriend went on a lads trip for 3 weeks, we had a big issue with a secret snapchat and him lying about some messages from an ex, still currently working through that.
He showed me a video of his mates mucking around and the only girl on the trip was just getting completely changed in front of them all. Now obviously I'm not comfortable with this, I do think it's a bit inappropriate but not for one second do I think anything has gone on between them.
My issue is with the way I found out. If a guy friend for completely naked in front of me I'd mention it to my boyfriend but he hasn't once brought it up and I've found out through this video. I don't think he meant to show me her getting undressed. Nothing has been said but I feel like a boundary has been crossed but am I over reacting?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2019 11:34

Did he quickly turn the video around when he saw she was in it. Or did he not realise she was in it until you pointed it out.

Solar95 · 27/08/2019 11:35

He didn't even realise until I pointed it out

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2019 11:36

... because youve said both

C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2019 11:37

Has he since deleted it?

Solar95 · 27/08/2019 11:37

When He was filming he turned the camera away but told me (last night) he didn't realise she was getting changed until I pointed it out

OP posts:
Solar95 · 27/08/2019 11:39

I have no idea, I don't go through his phone

OP posts:
Someonetookmyusername · 27/08/2019 11:53

It's an unusual thing to do. I wouldn't assume she was attention seeking either I think just naive and believing that she can do this as she's one of the lads (I hate that expression personally).

But, if your partner was filming a friend and didn't linger on her in the video then he's clearly not interested. Though I agree with pps that he has to delete it.

The ex thing is completely different. Any small thing like this is going to be magnified thanks to that. Is it worth it op?

Solar95 · 27/08/2019 11:59

Well I do personally feel like it could be magnified because I'm still working on my own trust issues. With his ex and the snapchat thing nothing bad was ever done. The snapchat was from before he met me and nothing bad was said with his ex, he explained it as he was worried it would make me paranoid so thought not telling me was the best option which it obviously wasn't. I do think what has happened has magnified this, I mean I just would've liked to know before seeing it on a video but then again that could just be me

OP posts:
Someonetookmyusername · 27/08/2019 12:04

Sorry just to clarify, you are "working on your issues' about snapchats he had before he met you?

Solar95 · 27/08/2019 12:05

No sorry 😂 I was in an extremely abusive relationship before I met him so I have issues from that 😂

OP posts:
Someonetookmyusername · 27/08/2019 12:08

Oh ok, sorry.

walkintheparc · 27/08/2019 12:12

It sounds really harmless to me.. but this we had a big issue with a secret snapchat and him lying about some messages from an ex wouldn't be worth my time, I'd not stay in this relationship

Branleuse · 27/08/2019 15:26

you do realise this relationship is going to be one headfuck after another dont you. Its very clear, even from just what youve said here.

LuckyLou7 · 27/08/2019 15:30

This woman is aware there is a video of her naked and isn't bothered about it? You sure about that? You're blaming her for being attention seeking - what about the creepy bloke filming her?

Solar95 · 27/08/2019 16:32

As I said my partner didn't realise she was getting changed

OP posts:
SevenStones · 27/08/2019 16:47

Why did he quickly pan away when he got to her then? If he didn't realise he'd have kept on panning in the same direction wouldn't he?

That said, I don't see any issue with her getting changed. It's the bit about the ex and the snapchat that seems more important.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/08/2019 16:53

When He was filming he turned the camera away but told me (last night) he didn't realise she was getting changed until I pointed it out

Yeah, this bit is odd. But then again I seem to be in the minority who thinks it’s odd that a woman would choose to get totally naked in front of male room mates when there is a perfectly good bathroom there where she at least could have put her underwear on and come out if she needed to vacate the bathroom, with a towel round her or something. I just don’t see why it would be necessary for anyone to be totally naked in front of anyone else unless you WANT them to notice you ie a sexual partner.

if getting out of one set of clothes into another wouldn’t you do one item of clothing at a time anyway? Or after a shower, If I am sharing a room with DH and my teen sons I shower, leave bathroom in my towel, deodorant on, pull t shirt over my head and then turn away from them for a few seconds or go in a corner where they can’t see me while I put my bra on, pull down my top fully. put my knickers on underneath the towel, take towel off so I’m in T shirt and knickers and then pull my jeans on.

I just don’t see why someone HAS to get totally naked in those circumstances. It takes no effort or time at all to be discreet. I think she is either being very naive or is an attention-seeker, the fact that she has known them since school has no bearing on anything. They presumably are straight men attracted to women in the normal sense Ie they would find a naked female body a turn on to some extent. Most adult women would realise this and would not be getting naked in front of their male friends!

I think maybe some younger people have just seen too much titillation and exhibitionism on things like Love Island. I am astounded by the way they writhe around under the bedclothes doing private things in the least private place in the world! Grin. I don’t really think it’s normal but maybe it’s becoming gradually normalised?

Christ I sound like such a old prude but I’m not, honest. I just think that naked bodies in adults are for the bedroom with your partner only. There is a reason that men does to strip clubs, they like the look of a naked woman. I don’t get nudist camps/beaches for this reason, I always wonder if nudists become desensitised to the naked form after a while. Also I’m countries where naked saunas are the norm, are people really not noticing the naked bodies of the opposite sex? If so, is it only actually touching one that turns you on in the bedroom?

Solar95 · 27/08/2019 17:07

That's exactly my thinking as well, plus there was a private bathroom so there wasn't really any need. Apparently some of the guys would also walk around naked in front of this girl as well. I just find it all too weird

OP posts:
RavenLG · 27/08/2019 17:14

Does this girl know your boyfriend was filming her and that he STILL has this video!
Getting changed is neither here or there for me, but I'm more bothered about the above. She might not mind changing in front of mates, but she might feel different about one of them keeping a video of her naked!

AgentJohnson · 27/08/2019 17:18

Why are you preoccupied with this girl’s nakedness and less concerned about your bf keeping (all be it a snippet) naked imaged of this girl?

At best he’s immature and lacks good judgement, isn’t that enough knowledge to protect your MH from the next instance of his poor judgment because you know it’s a case of when, not if.

Jennifer2r · 27/08/2019 17:23

I just think that naked bodies in adults are for the bedroom with your partner only

Not everyone thinks the same as you. I don't care who sees me naked.

AgentJohnson · 27/08/2019 17:29

Sadly, this girl’s behaviour is under the spotlight because unfortunately, it feeds the trope that women are somehow always responsible for men’s questionable behaviour. She’s labelled as ‘disrespectful’ and held to a higher standard than the men involved.

2019 and this shit is still a thing, grrrrrr.

proseccoaficionado · 27/08/2019 17:34

So how come it was a lads trip and this girl was there? I'd be pissed, tbh.

Podwoman888 · 27/08/2019 17:51

IMO you are not overreacting.

Your BF has issues with boundaries and honesty.

Maybe you should re-evaluate this relationship?

If you have been in a past relationship that was abusive maybe some counselling might help.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/08/2019 18:46

AgentJohnson, I think it’s questionable behaviour all round to be honest, but then I’ve already said that maybe my views are outdated. I was just wondering out loud WHEN it came acceptable for people, men and women to get naked in front of each other when they aren’t in a couple. It clearly does have a bearing on things because maybe the norm has indeed changed, especially if the men were getting naked in front of HER. Maybe times HAVE changed and this is all normal in young 20 something mixed groups?

I had male friends at that age and went out with them in a group with me as the single female. My mum thought it was odd, as having male friends wasn’t a thing when she was that age, so maybe what is the norm just changes with each generation. When I was that age neither I nor my male friends would have got naked in front of each other. I was comfortable staying over in a male friend’s bed but he slept on the floor (bless him). I just think boundaries were very different a generation or two back. Maybe they’re changing all the time?