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Original poster

Girl getting changed in front of boyfriend?

148 replies

Solar95 · 26/08/2019 20:00

Let me start off by saying I think I'm being overly paranoid here 🙈
My boyfriend went on a lads trip for 3 weeks, we had a big issue with a secret snapchat and him lying about some messages from an ex, still currently working through that.
He showed me a video of his mates mucking around and the only girl on the trip was just getting completely changed in front of them all. Now obviously I'm not comfortable with this, I do think it's a bit inappropriate but not for one second do I think anything has gone on between them.
My issue is with the way I found out. If a guy friend for completely naked in front of me I'd mention it to my boyfriend but he hasn't once brought it up and I've found out through this video. I don't think he meant to show me her getting undressed. Nothing has been said but I feel like a boundary has been crossed but am I over reacting?

OP posts:
SimonJT · 26/08/2019 22:27

It wouldn’t bother me, our mixed friendship group are often naked in front of each other.

Mandatorymongoose · 26/08/2019 22:35

I have quite a big group of male friends. We've known each other for a long time. I've never needed to get changed in front of them but I don't think I'd feel awkward doing so, no more than I would around a group of my female friends. Although I think in general I wouldn't usually get undressed in a room full of people if there were other options available. So while I don't think it has to have a sexual element to it, I do think it's a bit odd.

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 26/08/2019 22:44

Why was anyone videoing when women were changing??

Branleuse · 26/08/2019 22:49

all sounds very odd. Why was she the only woman with 8 men, and why would she get changed in front of them? Very young and naive?

PennyPittstop · 26/08/2019 22:51

If they had been on their own in the room then I wouldn't be happy. But as he was one of a group of 8 men then it wouldn't bother me. I work in a male dominated environment and think nothing of getting changed on occasion when necessary in front of my male work colleagues. Normally complete with a bit of taking the piss about my fat arse. It is however a quick change of clothes without hanging around or flaunting my body. I do find the thought of her going fully naked a bit odd but if they have all known her since they were at school it's perfectly possible that they all just see her as one of the blokes.

Branleuse · 26/08/2019 22:58

it is incredibly unlikely that a woman getting naked in front of 8 blokes is seen as one of the boys. Certainly not to all of them.

Holymoly0 · 26/08/2019 23:06

I don’t think there’s an issue with your partner not telling you, most men probably wouldn’t! Could you imagine ‘yeah she just got undressed completely starkers in front of us all’ imagine yours and any other woman’s reaction to that!

What is an issue is the woman stripping off in front of 8 guys, yeah she’s obviously comfortable with her body but also could be seen as a little desperate and attention seeking.

I wouldn’t worry.

Angelf1sh · 27/08/2019 07:10

It’s a bit odd not to get changed in the bathroom but if it sounds like your boyfriend wasn’t really interested in watching her or he wouldn’t have panned away. Also, the fact that he immediately panned away means he knew it was on the video and showed it to you anyway so I kind of think he did tell you, you didn’t find out by yourself. That being said, I’m not sure why you’re trying to “work through” him lying to you about stuff. You clearly don’t trust him, don’t put yourself through any more stress or worry and just end it.

YouJustDoYou · 27/08/2019 07:17

Tell your boyfriend he needs to delete the video of her naked. She might not mind, or maybe she was drunk and would be horrified

I sound like old Mother Earth here but you are all very young. Being in the same room as a woman who comfortable changing doesn’t mean your boyfriend is cheating or disrespectful. I also don’t think it means she is disrespectful to you, she just has very different boundaries

^^ THIS.

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2019 07:29

I know I'm repeating the question but where were they that nine people were in one room? And most people would go to the loo to get changed or something, not strip naked in front of thr other eight. Was there no loo etc?

Overall with out any context other than saying it's odd, there isn't much people can comment on.

The only valid comment is he should delete the video

barryfromclareisfit · 27/08/2019 07:41

You knew this girl was one of the friendship group, before you saw the video? Or did that explanation arrive later?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/08/2019 07:45

I would find it weird and attention seeking. And he should delete the video.

stucknoue · 27/08/2019 07:45

Bit odd but people are not as hung up on this kind of thing now. Not fully naked I admit by dd changes with her male friends and cadet colleagues, no biggy, though when in uniform she tends to wear sports underwear apart from formal (white shirt) events. Most of her underwear is more substantial than bikinis

NameChangeNugget · 27/08/2019 07:46

Can’t see the problem here. If you don’t trust him, end it

Atlasta · 27/08/2019 07:47

I'd definitely not be happy.
It's inappropriate.Id think she is attention-seeking and will be after one of the men (or more!)

LiveInAHidingPlace · 27/08/2019 07:50

The girl changing doesn't matter, the secret texts etc is definitely a bigger thing.

You're looking at the wrong issue.

C0untDucku1a · 27/08/2019 07:53

He was absolutely out of order not to delete the video when he realised he had filmed her naked. Filming her could have been an accident. Keeping the video certainly was intentional.

FermatsTheorem · 27/08/2019 07:56

When I was younger I used to do a lot of climbing, which at the time was male dominated. It wouldn't have been unusual to be in a bunk room where I was the only woman, or one of two women. I'd certainly have got changed down to my underwear (wouldn't have been comfortable with completely naked) in a corner of the room. As someone said upthread in that sort of social environment typically the men mentally file you as "one of the lads."

Get him to delete the video by all means but don't read huge amounts into it on its own (different matter if you have other, independent reasons to worry).

LL83 · 27/08/2019 08:06

If he was so oblivious to her getting changed then he obviously isn't interested.

The more likely scenario is he knew he filmed her and was showing you to wind you up. If he saw her straight away he must have noticed it when he first saw video. Also if he had never watched it before why was he showing it?

Girl getting changed is her business. I wouldn't and i would expect my boyfriend to look the other way out of respect for her privacy as you would in a changing room.

Original poster
Solar95 · 27/08/2019 08:08

I thought it was a bit odd as well that she would be so OK with getting undressed in front of all those guys, I brought it up to him and he didn't even realise that she was even in that video so I think it's just a case of him thinking she's one of the lads. I definitely think it's a bit attention seeking

OP posts:
Original poster
Solar95 · 27/08/2019 08:12

Just to answer a few questions they were in a hostel, there was a private bathroom so no reason why she couldn't get changed there. I'd heard of the girl but she didn't hang out with the group much and I've never met her. You can't see anything in the video but you can tell she's naked, I think oh was embarrassed when I pointed it out

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 27/08/2019 08:15

Her getting changed in front of a group of friends is one thing. Him videoing without her consent it is a completely different story and it’s a creepy thing to do, like Once you add that to the Snapchat and the texts to the ex, you’re building a picture of a kind of creepy guy who can’t be trusted. I’d probably ditch him. There are much better, and less dodgy, men out there.

AgentJohnson · 27/08/2019 10:32

There’s a level of immaturity in your bf’s behaviour that will be a constant source of fuel to your anxieties. The hole secret Snap chat messs to his Ex are a red flag and speak to his integrity.

I think you’re in danger of your past traumatic experience explaining away your justified reservations about your bf.

I personally don’t think the girl was being disrespectful to you or any of the other partners of the group. She doesn’t have a relationship with you. She displayed a behaviour that I wouldn’t mirror but each to their own. However, your bf keeping a video of her naked is a significant red flag and again speaks to his low integrity. He could have deleted the video or edited her out but he didn’t and god knows how many others he’s shown it to.

His lapses of judgment are beginning to stack up and have formed a pattern.

I personally wouldn’t wait for him to grow up (which might never happen), especially when his pattern of behaviour was impacting my mh.

Branleuse · 27/08/2019 10:47

honestly, you dont have to put up with anythig that makes you uncomfortable.

I think id bail quite quickly if my boyfriend was taking 3 week jaunts with a token coolgirl that was one of the lads so much so that she got naked in front of her audience.
Thats not accidental, thats just weird. I actually feel worried for her lack of boundaries and lack of nouse. Are you all teenagers?

Original poster
Solar95 · 27/08/2019 11:21

No we're all in our early 20s, I had a conversation with him last night and he genuinely didn't even think about her changing in front of him. I've told him it's not OK especially after everything else, I made the point that it wouldn't be OK for me to do that, he didn't realise he had filmed her until I pointed it out so it wasn't a case of him secretly filming her. She's seen the video as it was shared on the group chat and she doesn't think anything of it

OP posts:
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