How to deal with a gossipy co worker?

[Bradbury301]

I have started working with a woman (just 2 of us in office in big dept) and she is making me feel stressed. She constantly tries to tell me about people’s private lives even though I’ve said I hate gossip. She’s racist and moans about ‘foreigners’ I haven’t told her that I have a mixed background!

Her new thing is to tell everyone that I am ‘after’ all these different married men at work which is making me feel sick as I was cheated on last year. All I do is say good morning to them or chat about work stuff. But by bit it is making me feel sick before I go into work.

My armchair psychology tells me she must be very unhappy, she always goes on about her looks and how she hates how she’s looks and hates how her husband looks. I’ve tried to be nice but she still keeps gossiping.

I don’t feel like any of it is bad enough to go to my manager yet (she’s even told me about her private life!) how do I bring it up without cussing a huge drama as it’s only the two of us in the one office?

Typos sorry, *causing not cussing

can you stick earplugs in, listen to music?
just tell her you dont like gossip?

just say mmm and ignore

I’ve told her, I said i don’t like gossip as it usually means they are talking about you too but she just keeps going. We have to talk as she is still learning job.

Is she new to the company?

so she is new, and you are training her?
just Say, Stop gossiping! you can be lighthearted in your attitude.

She’s come back after a break after working in a few departments. So new to our dept.

I’ve tried that. It’s the new one about me apparently going after married men I hate. She keeps saying it all the time.

Assuming you're the established worker and she is new, I'd be documenting everything (especially the racism) and taking it to your manager.

Gossip you might be able to sort informally. Racism she needs a clear formal message that it's not acceptable.

Ick, big old energy vampire. Quite possibly a narcissist as a lot of them are that kinda way. Never have a nice thing to say about anyone and talk about you the same negative way to others. I'd be worried she might be targeting you.

Often what comes next is they start criticising you and your work and belittling you to others. You feel watched and scrutinized constantly and because of how they have portrayed you to others, you feel other people think you can't do your job ect...too.

Give her as little info on yourself as possible as she will be storing it up to use against you.

And I would say something to your boss about her racism and her slanderous comment on you as that is her testing the water to see where your boundaries are. If you don't feel ready to do that yet, you need to flat out say to her 'do not talk to me like that' or 'that is not acceptale talk in the workplace'. But even then...I would still mention it to the boss. You have to nip thus stuff in the butt early or it will escalate.

So unless you can avoid her,be careful as you might be in for a war.

Why has she had a break, and why has she been in a few departments? Do people keep moving her on, shove the problem onto someone else?

It’s the new one about me apparently going after married men I hate. She keeps saying it all the time.

To you? With you in the room? Who is she saying it to and when?

Tell her you are quite happy with your relationship status and you really don't appreciate her spreading rumours regarding married men.

Put it in an email to her and copy in someone higher up than both of you.

Yeah I’ve trued to be careful as to what personal info I reveal. She has already started saying things about me not doing my job as we had a meeting where some issues were brought up and when she was asked about them she went red and stayed mute. I’ve never had any trouble at work like this.

I would say. I've asked you several times, and if you keep claiming that I am interested in married men, I will complain to hr. you are making my anxiety worse and it's starting to affect my work.

You can't let her win op. X

She says it as people walk past the office “after all these men” “you’re after so and so” she says always as a group walk past. Sounds petty but I don’t like it. There a nasty tone to it. I talked to the cleaner about an issue and she cane up behind me and said stop chatting men up. It sounds ridiculous but there’s something about the way she says it all. Now people are going quiet wherever I walk in and it’s making me nervous.

Tell her you are quite happy with your relationship status and you really don't appreciate her spreading rumours regarding married men.

Put it in an email to her and copy in someone higher up than both of you.

I agree with this, if I got this i'd be speaking with you and then her and nip it in the bud now.

Do you know anyone from her last dept? Can you seek one out and find out if this is why she was moved?

Re: the dept moves, sounds like she got into fights everywhere which scares me.

Bloody hell, I'd be confronting her and telling her firmly that how dare she accuse you of going after men and that If she continues Id tell her that you will be taking legal action. Preferably done in front of other people. I had to do similar when I was only about nineteen with a colleague who had become a bit power drunk after a promotion. I tore a strip off her in front of witnesses and never had another problem. Pussy footing around makes it ten times worse, she needs calling out on her behaviour.

The thing is my manager loves her as she licks his arse. When I tried to bring something up he shut me down a bit which was upsetting after all these years.

You need to speak to your manager first thing when you go back in.

Next time she says anything, stop what you are doing, open your notebook/diary, look at the time, note down the date, time, what she said, and who witnessed it including all the people walking past.

If she asks what you are doing, state this and only this 'I have been advised to note down every single instance of bullying'. Do not expand on who advised you.

Take a photo of the note, and send it to your home email address and save the photos at home in case she steals the notebook. Keep this in your bag and take it home every night.

Once you have 10 instances, if you haven't already, take these to your manager and start a grievance with the notes as your evidence of persistent bullying. If you see your manager next week, tell them this is what you have been advised to do.

Yeah you’re right. I know it’s not right as it’s making me panic as I walk in to work. I don’t know what to expect next.

Can you change departments? How easy is it to do?

keep a written note of it all op,
take it higher

This women is big trouble OP. You need to start collecting evidence, to present to someone higher up. Keep a diary of all of her comments (aimed at you or generally racist etc) and fill it in at the time so you don't forget. You have tried telling her to stop and she hasn't listened. I would be telling my manager at this point. PS, I absolutely think this is the reason she has been moved around.