I'm so tired of chasing him,I'm a girls wreck..what do I do?

[serenadee]

I've been dating him since may but I've never dated anyone as confusing as him.
He blows hot and cold and I have no idea where I stand or how many others he's chatting too.
He hasn't gave me the time of day really since Thursday/Friday and I've had to imitate convo since.
I messaged him this morning,a few reply's then he didn't answer my last.
Last night I asked if he wanted to meet for drinks he said yes ..I asked when he was free he said Friday.
Some days we have good chats back and forth and it seems like he wants to chat then he has spells where I feel like he doesn't want too.
I text him on his lunch at work asking if he wants to grab food too on Friday and he replied "where" then I showed him a place.
He has been on WhatsApp since and not looked at my message.
I'm stressed and fed up with this.
I like him but I can't stand this,I was up all night,couldn't sleep.
Today I've been sick all morning worrying.
I don't know what i do wrong when he goes quiet on me.

This is all about your standards and him not measuring up.

You, very understandably, would like your boyfriend to be in touch with you fairly consistently, have you on his agenda, want to see you and spend time with you and show you that he likes you and values your time and company.

All of those things are perfectly reasonable and normal. He is not doing those things. So, you have a few choices as I see it.

1. You tell him that your time is valuable and you like to know what you are doing and get things fixed in your diary. You are free to see him on Friday night at whatever venue you showed him from 7pm or whatever time suits you. Then you leave it there and say no more.

1. You tell him that his communication with you isn't what you are used to, so you are not sure your compatible and you are going to leave things for now but wish him all the best.

1. Do absolutely nothing and see if he bothers to contact you at all and make a proper date with you.

1. Just finish it now, because he is not behaving well and you don't really think he is going to behave any differently going forward.

dump. move on. after 3 months its never worth this crap

OP you're not listening. You're just repeating how upset you are that he has gone cold on you. Not sure what it is you want to hear?
If he really liked you and was desperate to see you then he would be in touch and arrange the date. YOu won't hear from him about Friday, unless he has nothing better to do.
Stop chasing him.

How do you not take this stuff personal?
How can I be ok about it?
How do I go to sleep tonight if no contact when normally I get something ...anything

You need to end it now. He is treating you with the same respect you are treating yourself i.e. very little.

You've acted quite desperate which isn't attractive. It sounds like he is keeping you around as a back up option.

Do the right thing and walk away with your head held high. Move on.

Do you have mental health difficulties Serena, or a history of abusive relationships? In the kindest way, your reaction is not normal.

First step to helping yourself? Block him, don't even contemplate unblocking or trying to contact him. Be extra kind to yourself for a few days whilst you get over him.

It's hard not to take it personally, and it probably will be hard for a few days but ending it is the right thing to do.

Of course you can go to sleep without hearing from him. Do you hear yourself?!

OMG, he's being a bit of a tosser. You shouldn't let him mess with your sleep.

It's not about you, it is about him behaving badly and treating you with a lack of respect, care and consideration.

You should be thinking "fuck him, I'm worth better than that", not losing sleep because he hasn't texted you.

How do I go to sleep tonight if no contact when normally I get something ...anything

You tell yourself right now that there won't be any contact because you're taking control and blocking him. Then you do. And you go to sleep a bit easier, proud that you had some self respect and courage to do right by yourself.

He’s making me feel worthless

OP, no one can make you feel anything. Your worth is not dependent upon him responding to you as you want him to do. Your worth doesn’t go up if someone else pays you attention or down if they don’t pay you attention. I think you need to consider how you see yourself and recognise that you’re putting up with behaviour that isn’t good enough. Personally I’d accept that a “relationship” that causes this much angst isn’t going to work. Put your energies into improving your self acceptance and self image so that you decide what’s acceptable from other people not just take the crumbs they throw you.

@Serenadee I think your reaction and obsessing over this is indicating that could be suffering from some mental health problems. I think the level to which you are upset over this dick head is worrying. I think you need to speak to someone about this. Could you make an appointment with your gp?

Sounds like he is already in a relationship to me.
Get rid.

My granny then my mother said let the boy do the chasing. Stood me in good stead.

Dear me: you need to get a hold of yourself OP! He clearly wants something casual ( I have no idea if he's 'using you' but it's very clear he wants something low key and easy at the very least ) and you are smothering and needy.

Honestly woman - just move on. There's no need to create thread after thread. We can't answer whether Friday is on or not / maybe if he hasn't anything better to do?

I wouldn't say one more word to him. And for goodness sake, stop lying in bed mooning over him like a daffy teenager

He's stringing you along. He sounds horrible.

Has this relationship only been via social media? Or do you actually go on dates? I'm confused.

I don't know where I stand with him.

Yes you do, but you won't admit it.

You know what he is like and he is not a decent human being.

Aaaw OP, you cannot carry on like this:

I'm stressed and fed up with this.
I like him but I can't stand this,I was up all night,couldn't sleep.
Today I've been sick all morning worrying.
I don't know what i do wrong when he goes quiet on me.

Very gently & respectfully ... from what you have posted - "he's just not that into you".
You have done NOTHING wrong - he just doesn't see you as someone who he is going to respond to, keep arrangements with, or treat with any courtesy.

There's an old fashioned saying which has served me well over the decades: "If a man wants you - he lets you know".
When it's right it feels easy. Simple. No stress. No head games.

As PP said above - He's showing you who he is...pay attention.
What is also happening is that you are showing him what you are prepared to put up with every time you let him off the hook, allow him to blow & hot & cold, & are always the one to initiate contact.

The only way you are going to regain control & lose the awful stress, sleeplessness & nausea, it to cut him out.
He's not going to change his behaviour.
So change yours.

Have a good hard look at what it might be that allows you to let you believe that the crumbs from this mannerless git's table are enough for you.
Remove yourself from the situation entirely - go cold turkey.
He's not treating you well now, he's not going to treat you well in the future, & the only thing you can do above that is treat yourself better by refusing any further contact with him.

he will tell me about girls chasing him,sharing a bed with a girl but nothing happened,how he nearly caused a divorcee ...
Yeah - this is old hat OP - it's called the "pick me dance".
He's using it to keep you jealous, insecure, & desperate to compete for his attention.

bombarding me with lots of texts then hardly anything ...then I'm chasing him -
Another classic dick move. He's treating you mean to keep you keen. By the way - that's exactly the same as showering you with affection when he does deign to see you,. It's not genuine - it's designed to keep you on the end of his string.

Change your perspective around, & instead of asking "why doesn't he call" ask yourself "why on earth an I hanging around for this rude arsehole?"

Give yourself the gift of dignity, save yourself weeks of heartache, & walk away now with your head high.

Not all men are dicks like this - so stop wasting yourself on one who definitely is.

He's making me feel worthless

BLOCK HIM

How do I go to sleep tonight if no contact when normally I get something ...anything

You have a nice soak in the bath, eat some chocolate then go to bed and think “thank god im no longer dancing to his tune. I am worth so much more”

Stop giving him headspace.

(re: texting pics}
Think I could ask you to send anything and you would

OUCH!
Boundary testing, inappropriate & rude.
He's teaching himself how much shit you'll put up with.

Walk away now.

How do I go to sleep tonight if no contact
Exactly the same way you did back in April.
Before he came along and messed with your head.
You realise you are with more than this.

How do you not take this stuff personal?
Because as you get older you realise there are some serious fuckwits out there and that it's nothing to do with you but it's all to do with them and their crappy ego's.

Seriously.
No man at all is worth all this angst after 3 months.
Please realise your worth and dump and block him.
That way, you won't be waiting for him to contact you and you can sleep soundly knowing that you took control.
Knowing that you set that boundary.
Knowing that you won't ever let another man overstep that boundary like this guy has, ever again!
Job done!

How do you not take this stuff personal?
By realising that it's not you, it's him - he's a dick.

How can I be ok about it?
By realising that it's not you, it's him - he's a dick.

How do I go to sleep tonight if no contact when normally I get something ...anything
By realising that it's not you, it's him - he's a dick.

Then taking charge of yourself, by making yourself OK through counselling, assertiveness training, & looking after yourself instead of fretting about random dicks who are out to use you.

This is always what I get.
I never get treated any other way.
I always get tossed a side like I'm nothing

You already know that he isn't behaving in a manner that makes you happy yet you are hanging on in hope that this will change, Why does his attention affect you so much that it can make or break your day. You have said that you already have poor mental health and this man is making it worse and you are letting him. You should take a step back and try to find ways of building your self esteem so that you feel strong enough to stay away from people who are not good enough to be in your life. Being insecure and needy is only going to attract the wrong type of person and keep you in unhealthy relationships. Speaking to your gp about a possible referral to talking therapies that can help improve your overall mental health would be a positive step to take.

Oh please. Just get rid of this dickhead. Makes me so angry listening to what I presume are intelligent women putting up with this shit.

Read the book - He's just Not that Into you.

He's not. End of. If he was, he wouldn't be doing this.

Please. Get some respect. It's going to hurt like hell but you do not need this shit. Tell him to fuck off and mean it.

What a knob. He's letting you know exactly who he is, and exactly what he's about. You're just choosing to ignore it.

I actually think you need to go on some self respect courses or similar. You must be giving off some kind of vibe that makes people think they can treat you like this. :( My husband is like this at work - gets walked all over. They wouldn't dare try it with me!

Work on yourself as a priority and get rid of this total idiot.