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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm so tired of chasing him,I'm a girls wreck..what do I do?

150 replies

serenadee · 19/08/2019 13:01

I've been dating him since may but I've never dated anyone as confusing as him.
He blows hot and cold and I have no idea where I stand or how many others he's chatting too.
He hasn't gave me the time of day really since Thursday/Friday and I've had to imitate convo since.
I messaged him this morning,a few reply's then he didn't answer my last.
Last night I asked if he wanted to meet for drinks he said yes ..I asked when he was free he said Friday.
Some days we have good chats back and forth and it seems like he wants to chat then he has spells where I feel like he doesn't want too.
I text him on his lunch at work asking if he wants to grab food too on Friday and he replied "where" then I showed him a place.
He has been on WhatsApp since and not looked at my message.
I'm stressed and fed up with this.
I like him but I can't stand this,I was up all night,couldn't sleep.
Today I've been sick all morning worrying.
I don't know what i do wrong when he goes quiet on me.

OP posts:
isitjanuary · 19/08/2019 13:33

He sounds like an absolute knob. He's getting a kick out of seeing how much you'll take of his bullshit. Block him and move on.

isitjanuary · 19/08/2019 13:35

Op some people are just dicks. He didn't change, he was always a dick. It just took a while to come through. If people who are assholes were complete assholes from the start no one would ever date them would they?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 19/08/2019 13:38

Did you post about this recently? Look at the advice you got there!!

Cut your losses and move on. He's not that into you.

Who knows why he's changed his mind?? All that's important is that he has.

Gather your self-respect and walk away. You deserve more. He's a twat.

gottagetouttahere · 19/08/2019 13:40

There's nothing "wrong" with you. He's treating you as an option because he wants to, because he can. All that you can control here is whether or not you continue to let him.

Tonnerre · 19/08/2019 13:41

What happened is that he was just being nice to you till he had reeled you in, now he can't be bothered.

Your anxiety will be much, much better once you cut him out of your life.

SunSeaLust · 19/08/2019 13:42

If a man wants you and wants to spend time with you, HE WILL! And he'd definitely be in contact with you.

Crybabyghoul · 19/08/2019 13:43

He isn't interested. And he seems like an arsehole. I know you said you have depression/anxiety but do you think there could be more going on that would explain why you are pursuing someone who is treating you so badly? He knows what he's doing. Block him and get help for your issues you can do much better than him,

1forAll74 · 19/08/2019 13:44

He seems to be a waste of time,and can't understand why you can't see this..Why bother to keep texting or whatever ? You are giving yourself upset, even bothering with a time waster.

Theworldisfullofgs · 19/08/2019 13:45

Rather than asking yourself where you stand with him, ask yourself instead, where he stands with you?
What do you want out of a relationship?

AzraiL · 19/08/2019 13:46

But you DO know where you stand.
Waaaaaaaay down his list of priorities.
Find yourself a guy who actually wants to engage with you consistently.

marriedwithhounds · 19/08/2019 13:48

He's just not that into you. Get out now with your self respect. You will find someone great because you're great x

crappyday2018 · 19/08/2019 13:50

Nothing happened, you just got involved with a dickhead. Not only is he not really interested in you, but he seems to enjoy keeping you hanging on. Take a deep breathe and block his number and work on your self esteem.

letsdolunch321 · 19/08/2019 13:50

Oh dear, why are you worried.

This my lovely isn't you, IT IS HIM. He clearly is very insecure to have to make up stories of what he has done and not done etc. We all have a past but we don't have to flaunt it.

You are making your anxiety bad by over analysing the situation.

My suggestion to you is to block this immature idiot on all social media and apps.

He is not dating material

Original poster
serenadee · 19/08/2019 13:52

At the beginning I thought
Wow great he really likes me,we were getting on great,texting all the time,had fun seeing each other.
Then I noticed he would be up and down with the communication.
It's now almost like if I don't get a great day off attention off him I'm a mess.
I used to get up every morning and listen to my music,I haven't the last few days,haven't watched anything on tv,I literally just lie in bed feeling upset,checking my phone and his last seen WhatsApp

OP posts:
Original poster
serenadee · 19/08/2019 13:53

Do you all think Friday won't happen?

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 19/08/2019 13:54

I don't even know what's wrong with me.
Why he changed on me. I need to move on I know but I just don't understand what happened

It's got nothing to do with anything being wrong with you. He didn't change on you, he just behaves like he wants, when he wants. Nothing 'happened', he's just a dick. You need to stop basing your self-worth on the fluctuating attentions of some man you haven't even known that long and who isn't that interested.

lazylinguist · 19/08/2019 13:55

Do you all think Friday won't happen?

Friday shouldn't happen, because you should take control and call it off!

zafferana · 19/08/2019 13:55

If you have to chase a guy, he's not interested.

Any guy who is interested will chase you.

Dljlr · 19/08/2019 13:57

Read what you're being told.

This guy is not into you. He is using you and seeing how far he can push and still be chased.

Delete his number
Block him everywhere
Move on with your life

loobyloo1234 · 19/08/2019 13:59

Do you all think Friday won't happen?

OP - you tell him Friday is not happening. And then you block him. He is treating you like a mug. Why are you lying in bed getting upset over this arsehole? Get up, listen to your music - and find someone who treats you better and wants to see you

ThatCurlyGirl · 19/08/2019 13:59

It doesn't matter why he's hot and cold with you, all that matters is if you are willing to put up with it.

I certainly wouldn't because communication and consistency are important to me, so if someone uses me as chat fodder when they fancy it but then drop off grid when they don't fancy it anymore, I move on.

You aren't compatible - staying because you don't know why he does something that makes you upset is counterintuitive, even if you know you'll feel shit or try to fix it and then feel even more miserable.

It's early on, this should be the easy bit. He's just not that into you.

Thank u, next!

Mexicoco · 19/08/2019 14:00

He's just not that into you

Move on.

NameChangeNugget · 19/08/2019 14:03

Modern dating, especially OLD has seen a massive power shift towards men I think. They really don’t seem to have to chase anymore and gave a sweet shop mentality.

And I agree with @lazylinguist

Take control and bin him off

ElleDubloo · 19/08/2019 14:05

He’s Just Not That Into You

hellsbellsmelons · 19/08/2019 14:07

Why the hell are you putting up with this crap?
Jeez. Please woman up and stop letting this asshole use you.
He really isn't that 'into you' so time for you get out and find someone who is.
You are in control of your own life.
Please do some work on yourself though.
You sound very needy.

THIS THREAD HERE will also be a good read for you.
Very similar situations.

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