WIBU to tell him not to come?

[LadyGagasNormalCousin]

NC for this.

I have been with DP for a few months. We unfortunately don't see each other that often as we both work long hours and in different parts of the country. We're both young professionals, in our late 20s, no DC involved.
He was supposed to come over to my place this weekend, however I fell ill. Nothing too serious but a nasty virus, sore throat, fever, all that.
I asked him not to come for the following reasons:

• I feel miserable, I sleep most of the day and the rest of the time I am in agony. My head hurts, I am dizzy and have no voice, honestly I am not up for taking care of a guest or seeing people for that matter. When I am ill I just want to hibernate until I'm better.
• He works hard during the week and catching the virus from me is the last thing he needs.
• When I told him I was unwell, his first reaction was "Oh it's going to be fun taking care of you". I don't want to be taken care of for fun, this is not playing hospital or anything, I am actually sick. I just want to sleep and fixing the odd cuppa is something I can do myself. Honestly that comment has (probably irrationally) put me off.
• As we don't see each other regularly, he is very keen on DTD, something I am not comfortable with in this situation.
• The last reason is really vain but I don't want him to see me like this.

It's sweet that he wanted to come and I appreciate the thought but I just need some peace and quiet.
I told him that am sorry but I am not well enough to receive guests and that I would pay his train ticket he had booked so he wouldn't be out of pocket. I also offered to reschedule as soon as possible.
He refused my offer to reimburse him. I apologised over and over again. He insists he isn't mad at me, however he doesn't answer my texts for hours, only one-word answers ("nice". "ouch". "that sucks") and he's very distant. I tried to address this but he maintains he isn't mad. Should I just have let him come despite the fact that it probably wouldn't have helped me feel better but would have been added stress?

Just let it go. He offered a very sweet thing. You refused, probably rightly so given your reasons. He's probably making the most of the weekend. Don't over think just get better.

Maybe he felt disappointed or thought you were going off him. Give it a couple of days , call him x

I wouldn't have wanted to see him either but I understand if he's been excited to see you that he's disappointed. Keep corresponding as normal and if he becomes weird because of this, then it isn't a relationship you would want to pursue.

Thank you for your insight and for understanding.
He's usually very different when texting so I feel like he's angry but won't tell me. This bothers me as he's usually the one who insists on always being honest.
I had been looking forward to this weekend for a while so I'm disappointed too. But I couldn't have pulled this weekend off how the way he probably expected it to be.

He did a nice thing and you sound a bit mean.

Wow, the OP is not being mean. She is ILL ffs. I would NOT want to see anyone if I was that unwell. He offered to look after you which was the decent thing but you don't want him to - and you're perfectly within your rights to say no.
If you ask me he is being huffy and petty by acting 'cold' and he needs to grow up. This would be a red flag for me!

In fact he is punishing you with the 'silent' treatment here and that is not a good sign at all. A decent and mature man would come out and say he is disappointed but that he hopes you get better soon. He would then be checking up on you regularly. He's an arse if you ask me.

He booked the Train despite your feelings and you did tell him how ill you were... if he wants to go into a strop even with you offering to reimburse him, don't give it any energy.. he's being childish.. Get will soon and focus on You.

Completely agree with Crappyday2018 - he is not doing a nice thing if he's not listening to you and respecting your wishes and then giving you the silent treatment if he doesn't get what he wants! I would be really disappointed in his reaction tbh.

If he is in a strop about this (and you can't really tell) he will either tell you later, in which case he is a grump who stews on things, or he will get over it without attention being drawn to it. Either's fine, as it will tell you something useful. Just focus on your box set and your cuppa and get better. Don't worry about it at all. Sounds like no big deal.

I'd be concerned that it's "the silent treatment", which bodes ill for the future. Sounds like he is in a huff but won't admit it because he knows it's irrational really. People get ill.

I'd be on the look out for other red flags as you go on.

Why the heck are you apologising over and over for something out with your control?

You are ill don't want visitors that's not rocket science. If he booked his ticket after you said not to come I wouldn't be reimbursing him either.

The fact he has changed from being chatty to one word txts does suggest he is mad he isn't getting his own way. If it continues he is showing you something, believe it.
Get well soon.

Big red flags.
Wanting to over ride your quite reasonable request to be left alone because you are ill.
Then giving you the "distant" treatment as a punishment.
I'd think very hard about your relationship, if I were you.

He's acting like a big baby.

You've encountered what he will be like when he doesn't get his own way. Sulky, sullen, stroppy.

I'd be thinking about fucking him off tbh.

Thank you all for your replies and your insight, I appreciate it.
He had booked the train before I fell ill as it's cheaper to book in advance, so that's why I offered to reimburse him.
I'm apologising because he made an effort to make this weekend possible but I had to cancel. I stopped doing that though.
I was a little insecure as I can get mean when I'm ill but now I suspect he's indeed sulking, he hasn't asked me how I am ever since I told him I had to cancel, the short answers on everything I say but sent me lengthy paragraph earlier about how amazing his week at work was and how they all appreciate him etc (as I probably should) .
We'll see but that's definitely a thing I will remember.

Then it's all about him and he is pointing out how fab he is and everyone else appreciates him but you.
Essentially guilt tripping you because you don't crave his awesomeness enough even when you are ill.
Uggghh not a nice quality in someone.

Red flag there. Ok if it's a one off, but if he regularly sulks when he doesn't get his way, if he always sets the pace without regard to whether you are ready, than frankly it's a good job you are finding out now.

He may think you've cancelled for other reasons. He hasn't known you long.

Lots of people might be a bit suspicious, especially if you met online.

Why the hell would he be suspicious?
He has been seeing op for months.

If he doesn't believe she is ill then that's one huge big reason not to continue the relationship. What else is he going to sulk over or question her about? Where she is? Who she is with?

That isn't healthy or a normal respectful relationship.

You weren’t being unreasonable at all. But I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. You can’t read minds and maybe he made alternative plans and has been busy.
Get better and then give him a call. It’s possibly nothing.

Although maybe from his perspective the fact that a few months in you are still at the stage that you don’t want to see him or him to look after you is a red flag for where you see the relationship going

Either way this might be a breaking point in your relationship

DBML
He found time to writ paragraphs telling op all about his working week and how everyone really appreciates him.at work though.
Funny he hasn't time to.ask.op how she is feeling?

Oh diddums, poor wee sausage He really should be able to graciously accept the OP's rejection, given the circumstances.
You have nothing to apologise for OP (so stop with the sorrys!) and YANBU. I hope you feel better soon

He might, once he gets over his strop, realise that he's been a plonker and sort himself out. OP, you sound very sensible - 'we'll see, but I'll remember' is a good approach.

This doesn't sound as if it's a chucking offence on the face of it, but you should indeed remember and keep an eye out for other similar behaviour.

It's a good idea to say 'no' occasionally, just to see how a partner reacts to your assertiveness/autonomy. Not just to be arsey on purpose but to privilege your own wants and needs every now and then rather than being easy-going all the time.

You inadvertently administered the "no" test and he failed.

A man who sulks at "no" is bad news. Best to find out early. Feel better soon.