WIBU to tell him not to come?

[LadyGagasNormalCousin]

NC for this.

I have been with DP for a few months. We unfortunately don't see each other that often as we both work long hours and in different parts of the country. We're both young professionals, in our late 20s, no DC involved.
He was supposed to come over to my place this weekend, however I fell ill. Nothing too serious but a nasty virus, sore throat, fever, all that.
I asked him not to come for the following reasons:

• I feel miserable, I sleep most of the day and the rest of the time I am in agony. My head hurts, I am dizzy and have no voice, honestly I am not up for taking care of a guest or seeing people for that matter. When I am ill I just want to hibernate until I'm better.
• He works hard during the week and catching the virus from me is the last thing he needs.
• When I told him I was unwell, his first reaction was "Oh it's going to be fun taking care of you". I don't want to be taken care of for fun, this is not playing hospital or anything, I am actually sick. I just want to sleep and fixing the odd cuppa is something I can do myself. Honestly that comment has (probably irrationally) put me off.
• As we don't see each other regularly, he is very keen on DTD, something I am not comfortable with in this situation.
• The last reason is really vain but I don't want him to see me like this.

It's sweet that he wanted to come and I appreciate the thought but I just need some peace and quiet.
I told him that am sorry but I am not well enough to receive guests and that I would pay his train ticket he had booked so he wouldn't be out of pocket. I also offered to reschedule as soon as possible.
He refused my offer to reimburse him. I apologised over and over again. He insists he isn't mad at me, however he doesn't answer my texts for hours, only one-word answers ("nice". "ouch". "that sucks") and he's very distant. I tried to address this but he maintains he isn't mad. Should I just have let him come despite the fact that it probably wouldn't have helped me feel better but would have been added stress?

Maybe he thought were at the stage were you were warts and all and this tells him that you're not. Possibly not yet rather than never will be but it can still feel like a rejection.

I 'd be giving him the benefit of the doubt at this stage.
He's probably trying to make the most of the weekend?
His short texts don't necessarily mean he's sulking.
Not all blokes are tits.

I find this relatively often with (some) men who I chat to. When they don't get their own way they become monosyllabic and passive aggressively stroppy.

As Maya Angelou says 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them - the first time'

Even so how come he has time to wax elegant about himself by text when op txts him yet answers op with one word?

Oh wow, a lot of answers and perspectives.
It's the first time he's acting like this, that's why I was surprised and questioned whether I was in the wrong.
We didn't meet online (sorry if I gave that impression or if that's a drip feed), we met at a work event a few months back as we're in the same-ish field, not the same company though.
He also follows all my social media where I am usually very active (and I follow his, he's not a stalker, don't worry), so he sees what I'm up to, if I am up to something as I post about it or my friends do and tag me. He has no reason to question where I am or who I am with and neither have I by the way.
When unwell I don't even want my own mother to stop by and make a fuss (she's the same so understands), so it's really nothing personal.
I will not end the relationship over this just yet as until now he's been a very decent guy. But if things like this crop up again, I'll know he has a form for this.
Thank you all for taking your time and replying, I appreciate it a lot.

Looking after sick partner is seen as a relationship milestone so I'd really check in and explain how you are.

Its bit like someone not wanting to get married vs someone not wanting to marry you. The former might not be a dealbreaker if they still want to settle down. The latter means they don't think you're very compatible.

I did tell him, that's the thing. I explained I was ill, not really able to have a guest, didn't want him to catch the same virus. When he said he wanted to take care of him, I told him that I really appreciate the sentiment of him wanting to take care of me but it's not working for me. Explained that it's just how I am etc. His answer was "Alright, if you say so."

"Guest" is another word that might have made him feel less like a BF and more like "the bloke I'm seeing". It really sounds to me like he thought you 2 were in a different place.

I'd have said "I'm really not a good patient,even if I adore you. I don't even like my mum coming round. I'm happy with where we are/want to have a chat about where we are going because this really doesn't mean that I want to stay super casual forever.'

Ok an adult woman doesn't want someone around when she feels like crap but she has to explain herself and reassure a grown up man that she isn't rejecting him forever and will talk about their relationship when she is better?

Wtaf?

"Alright, If you say so" that's pretty sarcastic!

I think it's good that you are aware and have things on your radar for future behaviour, but there are some terrible gloom mongers here who would have you Ltb at the drop of a hat.
I wonder sometimes if people manage to conduct any kind of relationship when I read some things.
I swear to God if I read that bloody Maya Angelou quote one more time ....

I hope he asks you how you are. If he doesn't I'd address why he hasn't. Communicate.

Honestly, I think I explained sufficiently that it's not because of him in a situation where I am not really up to explaining anyway. And the guest thing, well he doesn't live at my place, I don't live at his place so I would consider him a guest at mine and vice versa.
His sarcasm was just another reason why I asked him whether he was angry with me to which he replied "no".
As I said before, this is the first time he acts like this so I will definitely not ltb over this but I agree that this kind of behaviour is not okay.
I'll address it when I'm feeling better because the last thing I need right now is a fight with him.

@EvenPhilip sorry but he’s clearly gone cold on the OP and hasn’t bothered to ask how she is! Not sure what else you can take from that to be honest.

Sensible approach op. Let him off this once and see how he goes. You can end the relationship at anytime if needs be.

Yep see how it goes and his reaction to your concerns. Be wary but give him a chance.

He might be a shit, he might not be.
He might just be bloody disappointed he's not seeing OP and stuff is getting misinterpreted and badly communicated?
The main thing is OP appears to have her wits about her and will be in a much better position to judge when she's not feeling shite.
Feel better soon OP.

I am not sure what he is meant to have done wrong here, but he is in no way being unpleasant or aggressive, and in fact has just done a really nice thing by wanting to give up his weekend to take care of a sick, possibly stroppy woman! How do we get from there to dumping him/ red flags???

So he's not said a lot since- maybe rather than sulking he has just drawn back a bit - either consciously or due to hurt? In the early stages of dating, he was up for taking things to a deeper emotional connection by caring for Op, outside the 'polished date' mode? He has had a very clear message back that the Op doesn't want that kind of closeness.... so now he is being a bit less close. Maybe he does even want an open discussion about this, but knows that this is the last time Op should be burdened with this, when she is sick....

Op you have every right to be alone if you prefer when you are sick, but you could actually self reflect about what not wanting him there does mean for you.... to me it possibly suggests some kind of fear of intimacy or fear of not being accepted when you are not at your best.... and this might actually be a concern for someone dating you.

I hope you feel better soon and you work it out with him if that is what is best for you.

He wasn't "giving up his weekend" to look after her, he was booked to come and was just going to come anyway. He didn't seem to be taking her being ill seriously, suggesting it would be "fun" to look after her and she was concerned he might still want sex.

I don't think there's anything unusual or that she has intimacy issues not wanting him over while she's feeling so ill - it's a relatively new relationship and she feels like shit.

What he did wrong was try to over rule ops wishes.
Then when she still told him.not to.come start responding with one word txts to her unless it was all about how awesome he is where he could manage whole paragraphs.

He hasn't asked her how she is it's all about him and how she isn't appreciating him.

He wasn't giving up.anything, he was already supposed to be staying with her, his train ticket was booked.

If I had only been seeing a guy for a few months i wouldn't want him 'taking care of me either I would want to be alone to.just sleep.and veg out and not be bothered at all.

Once upon a time best beloved I was a man in his 20s...

OP, whether you're right or wrong, reasonable or unreasonable, is beside the point. He feels rejected. (You would not believe the insecurity of men in their 20s.) It's not sensible but that's how he feels. So, if this relationship is something that you want to continue, then apologise and send him flowers, big and expensive ones. It might be the best £50 you'll ever spend.One day things will be the other way round: he'll be the one apologising and sending flowers when in fact he is right and you are wrong (and you both know it).

PicsInRed nail on head!

OP you said he's always keen on sex when he sees you - could he be sulking because he wasn't getting any this weekend? Men sulking over lack of sex is commonplace - even if there's a very good reason for it. Sounds like he thought he could come and see you and still get sex even if you're ill.

BlokeNumber9 do what now? OP is ill but SHE must send HIM flowers?

Bloke
You are having a laugh aren't you?

Op is ill and wants to be ill alone but she has to send him £50 worth of flowers and apologise for bring ill?

Wtaf?

Being ill !