Hi. I am currently on my first holiday with new DP and my DD. We have been together over a year but don't live together.
I feel really anxious all the time and can't understand what is happening. My DP and I fell for each other very quickly. He seemed literally everything that I ever wanted. But who he is being now, sometimes, just isn't tallying with that.
He is being very quiet, but maintaining nothing is wrong. His tone of voice when talking to both me and DD can sound really harsh and "off".
He is drinking a bottle and a half of wine a night, which is normal for him at weekends and holidays (the only times I see him), but then gets really cross in bed when I ask him to roll over because he is snoring. I have ended up sleeping in my DD's bed with her as I can't get any sleep with him. I have told him but he just keeps drinking.
He is really skint at the moment for reasons beyond his control. I have paid for the holiday, most of the petrol, meals out, and he pays for much less as he physically doesn't have it. Fine. Except he is buying wine every day so he can afford that. I feel he is taking the piss.
My DD has gone from adoring him to feeling a bit scared of him. She is afraid to say anything negative to him because he "looks grumpy". He does have "resting grump face" which he can't help, and his default look is mild fury. However, I obviously can't have my daughter scared. She has ASD and manages really well, but does struggle sometimes. I don't want to blame him for things like his face which he can't control, but nor do I want her scared. So I don't know where the balance lies.
It sounds silly and small, considering he does all the cooking and has looked after me and DD well as I have had a chronic illness flare whilst we are here, but he is so very messy. He cooks and I tidy, but the kitchen looks like a poltergeist has hit it. I don't feel I can say much as he has cooked but it is mad how messy it is. He also insists on eating pretty late but DD needs to eat earlier. He is happy to feed her around the time he used to feed his DDs, about 7, but mine needs her dinner around 6. I keep telling him but it just isn't his default yet.
Oh, and he reversed his car twice into other cars whilst we have been away. Now admittedly the parking sensors glitched and didnt go off, but I have now remembered that he had drunk a bottle.of wine and a third of a 70cl bottle of rum the day before. He didnt drive until the following afternoon. Would he have been clear of alcohol by then or not? I don't really drink so have no idea, though obviously wouldn't have let him drive if he had driven within a few hours of drinking. It just didn't occur to me until afterwards.
I am wondering where the perfect man I met has gone. He isn't tactile at all with me now, hasn't instigated sex as he has been collapsing into bed sozzled.
He maintains he isn't an alcoholic, but I am no longer sure.
I can't think straight because who he is seems so at odds with who he was for a long time. Am I being too picky and critical? Have I lost perspective? He always seems vaguely cross with DD and I and it doesn't feel comfortable.
Sorry for the length. Please help but be gentle. I am really confused. My primary concern is for DD. She can be naughty and her dad is crap at discipline, and I know DP feels annoyed at her attitude sometimes but says little. On the othet hand, she is my DD and has to come first.