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Original poster

Husband on holiday in Thailand, took wedding band off...

172 replies

02shanso · 12/08/2019 12:10

Hiya! I don't really have anyone to talk to about this (they are all too close, know too much already and it's just too upsetting for me) we have a lot of trust issues in our marriage as it is, some say he's cheated on me, some say not. I have no idea (trying to do the right thing & support and stay for our 2 year old)

He is recovering from pornography addiction (12 step programme), he's been chatting to other women at length about private things & our marriage. Using dating apps...all while married to me.

Anyway...he's in Thailand (I'm at home with 2 year old) with his cousins but he's ventured off alone for the sights and boat trips. He sent me photos and he's not got his wedding band on. But the ring on his other hand is still in place on other photos at the same location.

Should I be worried and am I being unreasonable asking him to take STI tests on his return?

I hope that makes sense, sorry! Thanks xx

OP posts:
feministwithtitsin · 12/08/2019 14:41

Wtf?

Who invites all their cousins to watch them get engaged? That in itself is weird, even if it was to the local pub.

But asking their cousins to fly half way around the world to watch them get engaged? It makes zero sense, unless he is filming for made in chelsea. Are you absolutely sure that that is true? Sounds like bullshit.

I doubt the sex workers he is visiting is going to care much about the ring, he probably takes it off so people don't see him and think he is rank, being married and visiting sex workers.

This really doesn't need Poirot to figure out.

Tonnerre · 12/08/2019 14:47

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there. I am an extremely anxious person when flying and we are totally skint so we decided we could afford for just him to go rather than all of us

Hmm. On the one hand, his cousin wanted him to be there. On the other hand, he is skint, he has a small child, this is a venue notorious for sex tourism, and he is supposed to be recovering from porn addiction.

What exactly was the process of thought that led him to decide that the cousin's wishes came first?

SirGawain · 12/08/2019 14:54

I'm not sure removing a wedding ring would be evidence of any wrongdoing in itself - perhaps he had an insect bite and his finger swelled up, but why Thailand, and why without his family? Can you afford exotic holidays apart?

If it comforts you to think that fine; but I think you’re being a bit naive.

AntonsMumsTeeth · 12/08/2019 16:50

You've posted in relationships not AIBU.

Is the photo of all the cousins together date & location stamped? When is this elaborate proposal taking place? Grin

olivetreelane · 12/08/2019 18:11

Who the fuck takes an entourage to watch, celebrate a proposal? Why wouldn't it be just him and the recipient? So where is the wedding? Are you going to be missing out on that too? And the stag do...

Op, walk away. This is not worth it.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 12/08/2019 18:13

This reply has been deleted

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HollowTalk · 12/08/2019 18:32

Porn addict in Thailand just happens to have a mosquito bite on his wedding finger Grin Grin Grin

RantyAnty · 12/08/2019 18:48

Looks like it's more of a lad's shag fest

simplekindoflife · 12/08/2019 18:56

Cheating porn addict takes off wedding ring in Thailand...

Yeah, huge alarm bells.

I think you need to decide where your line is. Personally, I'd have thrown in the towel long before this, as his previous rap sheet is pretty diabolical.

He sounds like he's going to be hard work for the rest of your lives. You need to think about what you really want. I think you deserve better than this personally.

31RueCambon · 12/08/2019 18:59

Yanbu. I agree with the poster who says dont wste yr time on this twat

VenusTiger · 12/08/2019 19:04

@02shanso what advice would you give your sister if this was her thread

MarieBaroneIsMyMom · 12/08/2019 19:08

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there

What the what now?

OP- you seem to respond well to tough love.
Have some self-respect and get you and your child out of there. Your husband is making a laughing stock of you.

Widgetsframe · 12/08/2019 22:34

I am sure that he is totally innocent. Insect bites are fuckers

SignedUpJust4This · 12/08/2019 23:17

Come on OP. You are focusing on the wedding band to confirm what you already know. The guys a twunt. You don't trust him and he doesnt make you happy. What more do you need to know?

HIVpos · 12/08/2019 23:29

OP you haven’t posted on MN before I don’t think - perhaps a bit young? Hmm

Anyway, some advice in case you didn’t know - STI tests should always be done by all concerned where you think risky sex has been had. And as another poster mentioned, some can take a while to show up due to the window period - HIV takes up to 3 months, for example.

HTH

Grisgristhecat · 13/08/2019 00:18

Cousins at engagement? Hmm Sounds more like a dubious holiday in Bangland.

I’ve heard of someone contracting an incurable strain of gonorrhoea there.

Ask him if a mozzie bit his knob would he still wear a condom?

Runkle · 13/08/2019 00:26

Nevermind requesting he gets tested, get yourself tested ASAP. Put your wellbeing first fgs he's not, its not like you're going to shag him the minute he's back and catch something is it?
Plus the results wouldn't tell you what happened put there anyway. Only he can do that, if he a has any decency.

CatSmize · 13/08/2019 00:45

It's just occured to me: is the lady that the cousin is planning to propose to Thai? Does she live out there and they've gone on a boys sex holiday so the cousin can bring back the sex worker lady he met on a previous trip?

I may be way off the mark but it's such a bizarre situation that I can't get my head around a man taking his gf on holiday to Thailand and wanting all his (presumably male?) cousins there to witness him propose Confused

EKGEMS · 13/08/2019 00:51

If you actually believe1% of his totally fictitious story then I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you

GirlRaisedInTheSouth · 13/08/2019 00:53

Huh?!? Why are you even still with this man? Sorry, but you're a mug!

Cherryberrypie · 13/08/2019 01:41

This sounds like a really, really ridiculous excuse for a lads holiday.

Even if it were true (which sounds doubtful) what happens if the girlfriend says no to the proposal? What does the girlfriend think about going on holiday with a bunch of other blokes?

Nancydrawn · 13/08/2019 01:48

The ring sounds like a red herring. If he's there for prostitution, then surely the wedding ring is irrelevant. (Though I suppose less so if it's about what he does at the resort.)

The real point is the question you posed in your follow up.

SaraNade · 13/08/2019 02:08

[clears throat] There is only one reason a man goes to Thailand, and especially alone. For the underage girls. It's a meat market there. And mostly very young early teen girls. If it's a holiday, why aren't you with him? Do you usually not holiday as a couple?

He is cheating right under your nose and basically flaunting it. There is no question he isn't cheating. Given the country, his history, and the ring removed, seriously, do you really need it in neon flashing lights? Because it is already in neon flashing light territory. You either accept him treating you like garbage and cheating on you continually, or you end this marriage once and for all. Because it doesn't sound like he will ever change. Going to Thailand by himself is flashing neon evidence.

SaraNade · 13/08/2019 02:13

My apologies, I posted before reading your updates hence the question about you holidaying separately was explained.

SaraNade · 13/08/2019 02:19

Agreed with HollowTalk. I could understand if it were for the actual wedding. But for a mere proposal? And what is even worse, is all the pressure on the bride. She sees all these people who flew over, just for a proposal, she can't say no even if she really wants to!

In addition, what if she says no? His idiotic cousin has gotten everyone to fly over, to see him rejected. In front of them all. YIKES!!! Jaysus, what an idiot his cousin is! Seems his whole family are mentally defective and dodgy.