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Original poster

Husband on holiday in Thailand, took wedding band off...

172 replies

02shanso · 12/08/2019 12:10

Hiya! I don't really have anyone to talk to about this (they are all too close, know too much already and it's just too upsetting for me) we have a lot of trust issues in our marriage as it is, some say he's cheated on me, some say not. I have no idea (trying to do the right thing & support and stay for our 2 year old)

He is recovering from pornography addiction (12 step programme), he's been chatting to other women at length about private things & our marriage. Using dating apps...all while married to me.

Anyway...he's in Thailand (I'm at home with 2 year old) with his cousins but he's ventured off alone for the sights and boat trips. He sent me photos and he's not got his wedding band on. But the ring on his other hand is still in place on other photos at the same location.

Should I be worried and am I being unreasonable asking him to take STI tests on his return?

I hope that makes sense, sorry! Thanks xx

OP posts:
CoffeeRunner · 12/08/2019 13:04

I also wouldn’t care whether he is tested for STIs after his ‘holiday’. He wouldn’t be coming near me again either way!

I do think it would be wise to get yourself tested now though, as there is a strong possibility he has cheated in the past.

I understand that you are trying to keep your family together for your DS - but do you really want him growing up thinking this is how it’s OK to behave?

Skittlenommer · 12/08/2019 13:07

The only question that needs asking here is why the hell are you with this man???

Original poster
02shanso · 12/08/2019 13:08

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 - I did go to Ireland to visit my sister with our little boy. I opted for a 12 hr journey in the car/ferry over flying, I've just got back as I didn't want to be sat at home worrying about my DH!!! My mum & dad helped me pay for it and I had the most wonderful time of my life!!!!

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 12/08/2019 13:18

It sounds as though his family are nuts, too. Who the hell wants all their cousins there when they propose? Who the hell then says that they are proposing in Thailand?

As for this twat you're involved with... You are skint yet he's going on holiday to watch his cousin propose?

Quite frankly you're as daft as he is if you put up with this shit.

ZaZathecat · 12/08/2019 13:20

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?!

This says it all. Even if you h is not a cheating waste of space (but he probably is), you're happier without him. That is all you need to know.

Itsallgonewoowoo · 12/08/2019 13:22

So you're upset he took his wedding ring off but think it's perfectly reasonable to stay with a cheating swine because it's easier/more fun ? If you're going to stay with him despite the fact he is clearly a sleaze then seriously, don't worry about the ring, it's so minor in the overall state of your marriage.

thepinkp · 12/08/2019 13:23

Ahh.. this was the first clue to me finding out all sorts of lies and infidelity. He's consciously taken off his ring to appear in-married and available simple as that. My H sent me a pic on his birthday whilst working away thank me for the t-shirt his children bought him for his birthday. In that pic (taken facing a mirror so we could see the t-shirt) was him holding his phone minus his wedding ring. Bingo! The rest is the stuff books are made off. Sorry it stinks of cheating or at least trying his luck whilst away.

PeoniesarePink · 12/08/2019 13:27

He's a cheating porn addict away in Thailand and has taken his wedding ring off..........

Honestly, scrape your self esteem back up off the floor. You don't him to get an STI check, you need your head examining.

ZaZathecat · 12/08/2019 13:28

itsall the op said it's easier/more fun NOT being with her dh.

purplecorkheart · 12/08/2019 13:35

Just curious are all his cousins male?

BronzeGoddess · 12/08/2019 13:36

He sounds horrible. And I wouldn’t trust him at all.

alligatorsmile · 12/08/2019 13:37

Have you seen any pics of his cousins there? Or just of him? Because going to Thailand to watch somebody propose sounds like a pretty flimsy cover story.

But even if he's not a sleaze bag having a dirty shag fest, the simple fact that you feel happier when he's not around tells you everything you need to know. You don't need a reason to end a relationship, and you don't need his permission. It's just not working for you, and you don't want to be with him.

CostaOrProseccoPlease · 12/08/2019 13:46

Why the heck would a husband go without his wife on a trip to Thailand when there is trust issues there? I wouldnt allow it if I wasnt 110% happy I could trust my partner.
Are you sure the photo hasnt just flipped over like it does on some apps so it looks like the wedding finger but its actually his right hand? Also, he has to be pretty stupid to send you a pic without his ring on

magoria · 12/08/2019 13:46

Unfortunately some things don't show away so you would need him to have repeated STI tests at a later date.

I suggest you also get yourself checked now and if you are determined to stay with him maybe regularly say once a year to check he hasnt passed you anything.

Or get rid and be happier alone or maybe find someone who thinks you are worth enough not to do this to you.

81Byerley · 12/08/2019 13:48

Do NOT stay for the sake of your child. You will ruin your child's life. Book a holiday for you and your child and leave the day he's due back. Leave him a note, but don't tell him where you are or how long you'll be gone. Use that time to think about what you want to do. Hopefully you'll realise you and your child are a perfect pair, and you don't need a sleazy git to make you complete.

ElizaDee · 12/08/2019 14:16

He went away because his cousin is proposing and wanted all his cousins to be there

That's got to be the biggest load of bollocks I've ever read on here.

MyOtherProfile · 12/08/2019 14:19

No need for STI tests - just call it a day.

KatharinaRosalie · 12/08/2019 14:22

If you were totally skint then it was very unreasonable for him to fly to Thailand just because the cousin asked. You couldn't afford it!

And yes I don't see what other explanation there could be for removing the wedding ring either.

Brakebackcyclebot · 12/08/2019 14:23

why is being a single parent easier/more fun that being with DH.....!?!?

OP you already know the answer to this question

AntonsMumsTeeth · 12/08/2019 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NewAndImprovedNorks · 12/08/2019 14:29
Hmm
AudacityOfHope · 12/08/2019 14:34

Jesus fuck, a porn addiction Hmm

Fucking hell love, get him in the bin and find yourself someone who isn't a walking erection.

Singlenotsingle · 12/08/2019 14:35

Has he sent you any photos of the proposing cousin and all the other cousins out there? On the beach maybe? And what happens if the girlfriend says "no"?

Sorry, OP, he's a sleazebag Sad

stucknoue · 12/08/2019 14:37

I take mine off when it's really warm, my fingers swell in the heat. H never wore his (yes relationship is not good now but it's nothing to do with a ring, he can't wear one to work)

Original poster
02shanso · 12/08/2019 14:38

@AntonsMumsTeeth im not sure i understand your post or what im over-egging. Im not bored either, im utterly at the bottom of the barrel desperatly trying to see the simplicity of my situation because im so low & confused, i dont have anything to hope for. Seeing messages like "why are you with this man" is helping me realise im being taken for a ride and that im not a crazy lady. Im sorry i need to hear it. my question was more about being unreasonable about asking for STI tests and to hear others experiences who've been in similar situations. I've seen photos of all the cousins together so that bit is actually true.

OP posts: