Is it normal in the UK for people to assume that they will inherit money/property from their parents?

[GhostBusting]

I have name changed as the dcs sometimes look on here!

I had one English parent and one non English but was largely brought up abroad though I have been back in the UK for more than 20 years now. Both my dcs are English. I am divorced from their dad.

I never expected to inherit anything. My parents lived in a country where there was no state funded healthcare so by and large, everything they had went on their medical and care costs in their older years. Throughout their lives, they gave money to their dcs when they could (on birthdays/xmas). This was fairly normal and when they passed away, there was not much left to distribute.

I have been quite surprised by the attitudes of people in the UK since I've been here. I have a lot of friends who actively appear to assume that they will inherit large sums from their parents whether by way of them being left a large property or other assets (cash etc.). In fact, I had dinner with a couple last week who were asking me advice on how to move their mother's house out of her name to avoid her being forced to sell it to pay for her care costs!

I have worked hard my whole life and am lucky enough to have a good paying job now. I have always been careful with money but like my parents, given cash to my dcs on birthdays/xmas. I have a dp now and am enjoying spending some money going on nice holidays with him as I was single for a long time after the divorce. My (adult) dd has been playing up a bit recently and exh told me the other day it's because she thinks that my dp is 'taking all the money that would otherwise be left for her!'.

Now first of all that isn't true and I will speak to her about it, but is there a cultural expectation in this country that children do inherit from their parents? Before I start addressing the issue, I just want to make sure I'm not missing something.

Do you have a will? I'm pretty sure everything would automatically go to your next of kin unless you've stated otherwise in your will.

I would say it is. You'll find people on MN who will say it's not, but it is. People don't like to admit to it though.

These days elderly prents end up having to sell their home to fund their care so I think it's a risky assumption to make.

yes I do have a will everafter . I redid it after my divorce so that everything goes to the dcs. But that was a very long time ago. I may need to redo it now as dp is now living with me (and although I wouldn't change it so he had everything, I wouldn't like him to be automatically homeless if the worst happened).

thanks horehound - I thought as much. I can see it's something people don't like discussing but I thought this might have been the case.

Basically, yes it is. If there's property and money around in the family there is an assumption kids will inherit. Of course it's often when the kids are in their 50s but it saves a lot of people with poor pension planning. I think your ex may well be right, the potential to lose your inheritance is one of several reasons kids might be against new partners in a parent's life.

Yep. People in this country might not baldly state that they expect to inherit something substantial from their parents but (where assets like a house exist) most do and advance planning around old age care requirements is sensible.

I think it’s a good idea to address this face on with your DC. I know what my parents have done with their Wills (and they’re still together). I don’t especially like how they’ve divided whatever they’ll have left by then, but I completely accept that it’s their choice and at least I know now and won’t be surprised in X years time.

thanks everyone, pog I think you are right!

pater that's a good idea actually. Addressing it head on and letting them know what my plans are is a good idea. I think they also need to understand that the future may bring something that totally changes the plans (like needing long term care etc.) but I guess it's better to all be prepared.

Personally I'd rather try and give them money to help while I'm still alive but I can see now there is a cultural expectation that there will be something left for them when I go!

Where there is money or assets to inherit, the British cultural expectation is that it goes to the children.

Partners can be taken care of with legal documentation proving them the right to live in your house until they die, after which the children inherit the property.

*providing

I think it depends on your parents situation.

My parents don't own their homes (they're divorced) and don't have any savings (that I know to) due to things that have happened over the past 20 years. Prior to their divorce they were fairly well off.
There might be enough to pay for their funerals but to be honest I'm not even expecting that. I have numerous siblings.

My OH is an only child whose parents have a couple of properties and a lot of savings (inherited). He will inherit everything because that's the way it works - everything goes to your next of kin.

However neither of us would ever begrudge our parents choosing to spend their money how they want to in order to enjoy their lives, regardless of inheritance. It's their money - not ours. Your DD is being ridiculous.

thanks newmom

yes, she is being ridiculous. I have 2 dcs, my son is just delighted I'm happy. My daughter is behaving like she's entitled and I really don't like it. I'm disappointed in myself that I have raised a child who behaves like that.

thanks pics that's useful to know re the property and exactly the sort of thing i will go for

Its nothing to do with your parenting - your son is proof of that.

I'd just have a word and set the record straight.

Glad to be of help. 👍

I'm assuming I will as long as it doesn't go on care homes.

I have organised my will so that the dc inherit but my partner has a life interest in the house. We changed the house ownership to tenants in common to facilitate this.

I'm not sure how people expecting to inherit from their parents is worse than no state funded healthcare, which, from your OP, is the main reason why this situation doesn't arise in your home country?

I'm not from the UK either, and both DH and I are from poor backgrounds and have been helping our (now elderly) parents out where possible. There won't be anything for us to inherit, as any money not subsumed in care costs will be divided between numerous siblings -- we're both from large families.

But I realise that the majority of my English friends have or will inherit comparatively vast sums of money -- in some cases this is due to actual inherited wealth and trust funds set up by grandparents etc, but in many cases, it's the fact that their parents bought modest houses which are now worth a huge amount of money, especially those with London-based parents.

It's not something I think about often, but there are times it becomes obvious that while individual friends may be struggling with mortgages or school fees, they are cushioned by the expectation of houses worth a million or a million and a half coming down to them.

I know a lot of people who do, but I don't and never have done.

Why would I want to live my life on the basis that I can fritter money, run up debts etc, because I'm going to get 'X' from a will? Or that my mums house will become mine I tell you, mine!

I think it's an abhorrent way of thinking.

There is a cultural expectation of inheritance here, you're right but there's also an expectation born of entitlement which is a fairly recent thing culturally.
it used to be that this sense of arrogant entitlement was the preserve of the so called elite in society. Somehow, it's permeated down to recent generations who(some people not all - disclaimer here!) seem to believe that the world revolves around them.
As one friend put it:
'Its a toddler mindset that everything of yours is mine and everything of mine's my own."
And that includes automatic entitlement to childcare support, parental assets, eventual inheritance....its a real phenomenon in modern society. Basically, they're 'takers'. And if you have an adult child who is a 'taker', you feel increasingly ashamed of him/her.
Sad.

I'm not sure it's a question of what is worse, more just what is expected

with no state funded care/medical treatment, there is the understanding that a large part of your earnings goes to private insurance and extras that come with that as you get older. But also an expectation that children look after their parents. I, for example, paid for quite a bit of my father's care when he was older.

I'm not saying that people who expect to inherit are worse in any way but just trying to understand if that expectation exists which I now understand it does.

I think the high property prices in the UK make this a big issue. If property was easily affordable and so much £ wasn't tied up in it, I suspect it would be a different story!

Of course there's an expectation that if your parents own a house and don't end up requiring long term residential care, their kids will inherit. Where else would the money go?

Most ordinary people don't have capital to give to their kids in their lifetime, but due to the insane rises in house values, their very ordinary purchase decades ago has made them asset rich.

My parents don't give me cash gifts, they don't have it. But unless they need to live in a care home for years, my siblings and I will eventually inherit.

I think the high property prices in the UK make this a big issue. If property was easily affordable and so much £ wasn't tied up in it, I suspect it would be a different story!

yes - and of course a few years back people's pensions became worth very little so they invested in property instead.

sorry that post above was for cassian

pillow yes I'm also from a large family as is dp

would and pall I agree, the sense of entitlement to an inheritance is not a nice thing at all. And who knows what happens in the future and how much care you may need yourself as you get older.

I guess we do assume we’ll inherit as my DP is an only and his mother’s house is half his through a trust. I don’t expect to inherit personally but I know for a fact my sister does and will be very pissed off indeed if she doesn’t get money from my mother’s estate when she passes.

Are you sure your daughter doesn’t dislike your partner/feel jealous over you rather than be focused on money. To answer your question though, I think a lot of people do expect to inherit, which to me seems to show a lack of understanding of care needs and the aging population.

My parents have discussed their will with me and my DB, so we know what we will inherit, I also know they have written my DD in as a separate beneficiary. But they have enough property/assets that there is no way it will be eaten up by care fees. If there are trusts involved then the beneficiaries have to be aware of these things. My family are all very long living though, my great grandmas got into their 100s and I still have 4 grandparents in their 80s and healthy, so I doubt I'll be inheriting before I'm about to kick the bucket myself.