Is it normal in the UK for people to assume that they will inherit money/property from their parents?

[GhostBusting]

I have name changed as the dcs sometimes look on here!

I had one English parent and one non English but was largely brought up abroad though I have been back in the UK for more than 20 years now. Both my dcs are English. I am divorced from their dad.

I never expected to inherit anything. My parents lived in a country where there was no state funded healthcare so by and large, everything they had went on their medical and care costs in their older years. Throughout their lives, they gave money to their dcs when they could (on birthdays/xmas). This was fairly normal and when they passed away, there was not much left to distribute.

I have been quite surprised by the attitudes of people in the UK since I've been here. I have a lot of friends who actively appear to assume that they will inherit large sums from their parents whether by way of them being left a large property or other assets (cash etc.). In fact, I had dinner with a couple last week who were asking me advice on how to move their mother's house out of her name to avoid her being forced to sell it to pay for her care costs!

I have worked hard my whole life and am lucky enough to have a good paying job now. I have always been careful with money but like my parents, given cash to my dcs on birthdays/xmas. I have a dp now and am enjoying spending some money going on nice holidays with him as I was single for a long time after the divorce. My (adult) dd has been playing up a bit recently and exh told me the other day it's because she thinks that my dp is 'taking all the money that would otherwise be left for her!'.

Now first of all that isn't true and I will speak to her about it, but is there a cultural expectation in this country that children do inherit from their parents? Before I start addressing the issue, I just want to make sure I'm not missing something.

but it's not always entitlement. In my family it's openly discussed and my parents have always made investments etc for us as children, as we do for our DC. It's not that there's any expectation that my parents would prioritise our inheritance over their own lives, but that there would almost certainly be something (the house, as the very least) that would be inherited. For my parents, ensuring their DCs and GDCs financial stability is important. It comes from them, not us.

Whereas in DH's family his parents have always been clear that they intend to spend all their money, they don't make investments for their DC or GDC, and there probably won't be any inheritance. No problem.

Like most people, I imagine, I assume I will inherit any property or assets from my parents which haven't been spent by them or needed for care homes etc. That doesn't mean I would in any way begrudge them spending whatever they like on holidays or anything else. It's their money! I don't feel a sense of entitlement to their assets, I simply know for a fact that my dsis and I will definitely inherit whatever remains of them. In turn I would expect to leave all if our assets to our dc. I'm not sure what else you think should happen to them tbh.

Amongst middle class people, yes this is the assumption. Amongst people from poorer backgrounds, it is not the assumption.
There is a real class divide in Britain and inheritance is one of the ways this is entrenched and continued.

As a child, my priority is for my mum to have enough to live decently, her care costs met and she enjoys her well earned pension (travelling, hobbies etc), if anything is left it will be family asset so probably stay in the family.

As a parent, my priority is working hard to ensure I am independant and hopefully leave my children something that will help them build their future. I would expect any new partner to look after themselves now and in old age and fund their own share of the traveling. My estate will go to my children.

Are you sure your daughter is not concerned you are being taken advantage of?

I see what you mean cassian

in fact, I haven't spoken to the kids about it all but I have also got savings accounts for them that I anticipate they will get but I had always imagined I would give them to them when they needed say a house deposit or a car, so in some ways, I have actually planned for an 'inheritance' of sorts for them

didi - dd is being cautious for me on one hand. I am very careful with money and saved a lot over the years. Exh was not like that at all and spent everything he earned. When we got divorced, the only asset exh had was the ownership of half the house we lived in so I had to buy him out of it, as I had more assets than him. The dcs were v upset about that as they felt I had worked and saved and was getting penalised for it.

I think dd doesn't want to see anything like that happen to me again. But she is also being a bit naughty. She hasn't got a job this summer (she's at university) and is moaning a lot at home about the fact that I will pay for me and dp to go on holiday but won't pay for her to go out. I just called her now to unpack the dishwasher and I got a sulky one word answer. I don't think she actively dislikes dp but I think she sees me now going out and spending money when I wasn't much before mainly because I didn't have a partner! Dp does all the food shopping and cooks at home and she's been screwing her nose up to his food too (which is actually very good, better than my cooking). She's just being a bit difficult and tbh I expected better from her.

Ahh, if she’s still at university she is probably defaulting to teenage mode at home. I would guess your son is older? Give her time, i doubt at her age this has anything to do with inheritance.

yes there is a culture of leaving property to children where possible. A lot of people who live in nice areas can only do so because a parent has left them their property/assets. My parents won't leave us anything because they have a different attitude which is fine but not usual. Spending money on a new DP but not on a college going child is not usual either TBH. Why do you have to pay for your DP to go on holiday with you? If he is a bit of a money grabber then your DD might be annoyed as it is the cultural norm to look after your children and not new partners. as I say my parents have a different view and it doesn't bother and your DD is an adult now but as she is in UNI she would still be considered at an age to be helped financially whilst a grown man probably wouldn't.

Lots and lots of working class people own their homes. Their kids will benefit, the same as middle class kids would.

I do expect it because my parents have been open about the provisions they've made for my sister and I. However I am aware that that can all change very quickly. And if that happens then so be it.

I'm not even 30 yet and my youngest is a few weeks old. But I'm hoping to leave money or assets to my children.

Plenty of poorer families do not own their own homes
Their families will not inherit.
The working class is split between upper working class who are often well off, middle working class and lower working class.
Where I grew up few have parents who own their own homes. The issue is often paying for parents funerals, not inheriting.

OP - when I was back for the summer from uni, my dad allowed me a day's holiday, and then on day 2 he would walk into town, as he did every day, and return to inform me that a local shop was looking for summer staff. That was me told!

Both my Aunt and Uncle worked very hard and saved to buy a house. My Aunt died first and left everything to my Uncle. They had two children.
Late in life my Uncle married another woman and when he died he left her everything. When she died she left the house to her children. My Aunt and Uncle's children had nothing.

This is also not right, so I can see why your daughter sees things as she does.

Of course there's an expectation that if your parents own a house and don't end up requiring long term residential care, their kids will inherit. Where else would the money go?

My dad left everything to his second wife and their children. My mother has rewritten her Will to benefit each of her boyfriends in turn because:

A) it's not fair for my dad's widow (wife of 20+yrs) to be left their house etc and for my mum's (current) boyfriend to not be treated the same.

And

B) Why should she leave her house to us when my dad didn't?

And we are a nice middle class family...

Agree with you Op. they sound like entitled fools.

Depends if they need care or not. If so I'd assume they will spend everything but if not then me and my sister should inherit. My parents have benefitted from inheritance tho so it's pretty normal in my family to receive some money, we're not talking life changing sums but a few £k here and there.

It is normal in the UK for people to assume that they will inherit money/property from their parents.

However, in many cases, there will be a misplaced assumptions as are costs are likely to make substantial reductions into the amounts inherited.

Is exh a reliable source? I see your dd has been playing up so his explanation sounds plausible but might be wise not to assume that’s it before you hear it from the horses mouth.

Also if this helps, I saw how my grandparents helped out my parents and I probably was a bit entitled expecting similar (circumstances were different and plus they get to make own decisions re their time and money.)

And I’m not a completely awful person. Just when younger not as good at stepping back and seeing the bigger picture. So there is hope for your dd even if you have a rocky few months.

puss we've got a similar situation happening in DH's family, who are being disinherited in favour of the new partner's family - because the new partner doesn't intend to provide for her DC and GDC in the way that DH's family don't.

I think it's a more recent way of thinking but I find it repulsive. I don't expect a thing from my parents. If I were lucky enough to receive an inheritance it would be incredible, but it's their money to do exactly what they wish with. My children will make their own way in life, just as I have.

This issue has been intensified by the housing crisis we have situations where our parent's generation own properties which are worth vast sums of money whilst we are unable to get on the property ladder and are forced to channel all of our wages into the pockets of landlords

Many of us are in the unfortunate situation whereby our only chance of secure affordable accommodation is if we inherit money from our parents

The middle classes view it as being outrageous that they should need to sell their house to pay for care when they get older. And yet it seems most also resent "benefits scroungers". It's an interesting dichotomy.

There's this idea that your estate is something you worked your arse off for, yet in reality most have just benefitted from stupendous returns on property and generous pensions.

I don’t think this is a cultural thing. Where there are assets they pass to next of kin or those named in a will. I think most people know this and know what wealth exists in their family. But it is stupid to rely on the assumption you will get anything. People live a long time these days and usually in expensive care homes.

There do seem to unresolved financial issues in your family as a result of the divorce. Why would or should your children be resentful of the way assets were split? It’s your ex who is stirring up concern about the significance of your DP and family finances on behalf of your daughter.

It’s sounds as though you are middle aged. You may have another 50 years to live. Most of which will not be productive in terms of income. My advice is that you should be securing your wealth and ensuring you have enough money to live off and a secure home. It’s not your job to do that for your DP or your daughter. Tell them that.

The middle classes view it as being outrageous that they should need to sell their house to pay for care when they get older

do they? Who are these middle class people who are so outraged?

I think many people do just expect to inherit. My Uncle died last year and my cousins were absolutely fuming that it turned out their dad left very little savings (they'd expected a big windfall I suspect) and what he did have (half a house) was left to his partner of 25 years (who owns the other half and lives in it). They are horrified that her son will be inheriting their father's half of the property and I suspect if it was cheaper to challenge in court they'd have tried that already.

My Aunt, their mother, has been looking into the new drawdown scheme where you can release equity from your home and repay it from your estate. Her house is faling down round her ears and she struggles on pension credit. My cousins' response is 'what about our inheritance?!!' and telling her they won't speak to her if she does it, because they'll get less when she dies! The irony is the house would be worth a hell of a lot more than she'd be borrowing if she spent that money on repairs, which is why she wants to do it! So shortsighted. And these are adult children with good jobs, own homes, brand new cars every year, every gadget you can imagine, one has hundreds of thousands in savings ffs she doesn't need to inherit anything but feels so entitled she is raging about it. I'd leave it all to a donkey sanctuary on principle, personally....

Growing up as a child of refugees I used to see my white British friends inherit large sums / houses from aunts / uncles / grandparents from a very young age. Most of my white British friends had 30-100k and / or a house by the time they were 18, and in many ways all that did was encourage them to make do exactly where they were. In the same jobs they had since leaving school at 16, in the same areas. Many had kids young because they felt they didn’t have to ‘worry’ about money.

What this has resulted in now of course, is them on low salaries having spent all their money, living in houses that have depreciated because our old area is now considered an undesirable place to live. The people from my culture whose parents and families often didn’t have anything to pass down encouraged their kids to go to university and strive for better (the so called immigrant / refugee mentality) and nearly all of us are a lot better off even without inheritances. So I think there are pros and cons of inheriting young.