Is it normal in the UK for people to assume that they will inherit money/property from their parents?

[GhostBusting]

I have name changed as the dcs sometimes look on here!

I had one English parent and one non English but was largely brought up abroad though I have been back in the UK for more than 20 years now. Both my dcs are English. I am divorced from their dad.

I never expected to inherit anything. My parents lived in a country where there was no state funded healthcare so by and large, everything they had went on their medical and care costs in their older years. Throughout their lives, they gave money to their dcs when they could (on birthdays/xmas). This was fairly normal and when they passed away, there was not much left to distribute.

I have been quite surprised by the attitudes of people in the UK since I've been here. I have a lot of friends who actively appear to assume that they will inherit large sums from their parents whether by way of them being left a large property or other assets (cash etc.). In fact, I had dinner with a couple last week who were asking me advice on how to move their mother's house out of her name to avoid her being forced to sell it to pay for her care costs!

I have worked hard my whole life and am lucky enough to have a good paying job now. I have always been careful with money but like my parents, given cash to my dcs on birthdays/xmas. I have a dp now and am enjoying spending some money going on nice holidays with him as I was single for a long time after the divorce. My (adult) dd has been playing up a bit recently and exh told me the other day it's because she thinks that my dp is 'taking all the money that would otherwise be left for her!'.

Now first of all that isn't true and I will speak to her about it, but is there a cultural expectation in this country that children do inherit from their parents? Before I start addressing the issue, I just want to make sure I'm not missing something.

Yes, it is!!

I don't expect anything from my Dad, I'd prefer he spent what he has enjoying his retirement but the number of people who say things to me like "oooh an only child you'll be minted in a few years" or "I don't know why you worry about your mortgage/pension/the future, when you're dad goes you'll be sorted for life"

Erm..... okaaaay......,

I come from the States, and I was pretty shocked in literally the first time I visited my husband's grandparents at their house, they were discussing who was inheriting what items in the house and other will related stuff with me. His parents did this with me regularly as well. He has a couple of relatives who won't discuss it in front of kids, but otherwise, it's just an open on-going conversation which was mainly full acknowledge and even encouragement for them to spend money on themselves and be happy and we're just as happy whether or not we inherit.

I've found a lot of people are far more open about what's their financial intentions are after death or that they're using money they were given in a will to do certain things than where I grew up in the Midwest US. I'm more than open discussing death and things, but discussing individual items or money...like, between my DH and I we've lost more than a few family members in the last few years and currently one of our late family member's property is up for sale and we're meant to inherit from that...but while he has some modest plans for that money, I pretty much cannot wrap my head around planning to use any of what he's been told he's likely to get until when/if it happens even though it's pretty close to certain, I just keep planning as we are now and when it almost certainly happens, we can discuss that then. It's an interesting cultural difference.

Both my parents inherited from their own dp’s (minus care costs, but still significant sums). To my knowledge I won’t inherit, as they plan to leave their money to their dgc (my dc). It doesn’t bother me much that I won’t inherit, but I have a feeling they will favour one dc over the other (huge backstory there) which could complicate things. I have very little to leave, probably just enough to cover my funeral and any other expenses. If my situation changes in the future, I would make sure any inheritance was ring fenced for my dc, not any new partner.

There is a cultural expectation of inheritance here, you're right but there's also an expectation born of entitlement which is a fairly recent thing culturally

This. Probably as house ownership has risen and values increased so children see a "pot" of several hundred thousand that will be theirs when there parents no longer need it- ie when they die.

Many don't realise homes often have to be sold to fund care homes.

I don't expect any inheritance. My mum was very well off but is not great with money so has spent nearly everything, including remortgaging to free up capital.

Her money, her choice.

I'm not expecting anything from my parents.

They're reasonably well-off, but are enjoying their retirements as well they should!

Any care costs would likely be met by selling their house.

Anything left-over would be welcome, but I'm not counting on it.

DW is different - while she's not grabby at all, her parents have said they'll be trying to leave her and her sibling as much as possible. So the expectation has been set by them, rather than by DW.

Our own financial planning however is not based on any assumption of inheritances. We'll enjoy our parents while we can, and anything left after this will be a welcome gift, however big or small it is.

Roomba

Your post reminds me of my brother who, upon learning that our elderly grandmother was paying to have her bathroom redesigned to make it more accessible to her, was abolutely furious that she was spending her money on that and not keeping it to one side on the off chance that he and his fiancee (who were marrying the following year) might need IVF.

As it happened, she died before the wedding. He was very angry that "all that money" had been spent on the bathroom and kitchen, yet she had only benefitted from it for a few months before dying. And now he'd be inheriting less and would have less to spend on the IVF he'd now convinced himself they'd need.

Their child was born, without IVF, 10 months after they married.

The entitlement in some people is staggering.

Who are these middle class people who are so outraged

Why do you think the Conservatives are keen to introduce schemes that help people retain their estates to pass on to their children? It's seen as a middle class vote - winner

Most of my white British friends had 30-100k and / or a house by the time they were 18

Seriously?? Where on earth did you grow up? I'm in my 30s and I still have hardly any mates who have managed to get onto the property ladder!

I think it's an odd question,

Clearly if there is money, generally either the remaining spouse, or if none, then thr children inherit. If there is no money no one inherits. You'll know which bracket you are in.

So your friends yes it's a reasonable expectation if your parents have anything of value at the time of their demise ultimately you will inherit.

The assumption that children should inherit their parents’/father’s estates is not a UK thing, it’s pretty much a human universal. In fact England/Wales (along with the US) is very much an outlier in allowing parents to disinherit their adult children - it’s illegal in many other countries.

What is unusual in the UK is the way that a boom in home ownership and a boom in house prices over the last 40 years has made inheritance a huge economic factor for an enormous number of people, making a big difference to many people’s life prospects.

Also bear in mind that while lengthy care home fees can be enormous for a significant minority, most older people die in hospital after a short illness, or enter a carehome and die shortly thereafter, so it’s not the big factor that MNers often assume.

Not everyone owns a house to leave as an inheritance. Not everyone has a huge expensive property.

I was speaking to my mum last night. Their house is worth approximately £75,000. They desparatley need to replace the car, it looks likely that they will need a stair lift soon and some other adaptions. There are four of us, an inheritance of under £20,000 at some distant point in the future is not something on which to base my financial plans. I'm better off than them anyway.

They should absolutely use their only asset to make their lives as comfortable as possible and not worry about leaving us with an inheritance which we don't really need anyway.

Yes if your parents own their own home, you will probably inherit.

I think it's normal to expect that anything left, when a person's parents die, will go to the children. I certainly hope to be able to leave something fairly substantial to my daughter when I die and will try and ensure that I plan as well as I can to minimise care costs etc in due course.

I also hope to be able to contribute towards any deposit that DD would need for a house one day, in the same way as my mother did for me. I suppose my thinking is that DD should benefit from me, in the same way as I benefited from my parents (be that private school, holidays, opportunities or financial help).

I have never based anything in my life on an inheritance and we have always made plans within our means. The reality is that my parents who came from literally nothing have made a lot of money which has been sensibly invested. I also have a wealthy aunt with no children and I imagine it’s possible there will be something there too.

My parents have never ever discussed inheritance with us other than to say “when we are gone you’ll be more than alright” I have not a clue what money they have. They’re also still on good health and could have another 20/25 years left by which time I’ll be in my mid 60’s and not even in need of their money I imagine. I have zero interest in inheriting for me but if there’s a bit of money to help my kids onto the property ladder that would certainly make their lives easier

I don't think it is an odd question. In other cultures including, by the sound of it, the OP's parents are more likely to pass on small gifts of money to their children during their lifetimes, because, in the absence of high levels of home ownership or, probably more important, high-value home ownership the need to fund your own old age care, and (possibly) larger families, hence small splits of any inheritance, there simply isn't the general cultural expectation that there is valuable property to be inherited on the death of parents the way there so often is among middle-class people in the UK.

The fact that people have to actually remind one another than care home costs may eat up the price of a parental home points to how widespread a middle-class assumption it is here -- there's still a sense that this is unfair/an anomaly.

My middle-class English friends were very surprised when it emerged somehow in conversation some years back that both DH and I (from the same country of origin) are supporting our parents financially, rather than the money flooding the other way via inheritance. To an extent, obviously, this is a class thing, but to some extent it's also cultural.

I was having a conversation with a relative (from the far East) today. She was talking about how awful it is that families in the UK do not all live together and keep the family home through the generations/look after elderly parents.
I pointed out that many people cannot afford any home, let alone one big enough to house large numbers of extended family.
Also, that care is prohibitively expensive in the West. No cheap labour/maids to do the donkey work. This relative has an elderly mother and has a maid/carer who never leaves the house and is paid peanuts.
There is no inheritance tax in relative's home country.
IHT here usually forces the sale of any family property, often requiring a loan with interest as IHT has to be paid within 6 months.
Also explained that in order to afford to live, all adults need to work and pay for child care. Again, completely different in her country - see maids/paid peanuts above.
Hopefully gave her some food for thought.
We accepted that all our parents' and IL's money would go in care fees and it did.
Ours probably will too.
I think most people do accept that these days.

In normal loving families yes you would expect that children get what is left of their parents estate. Because of favoritism me and my dp don't expect to inherit at all. We have provided for ourselves financially - both work p/time now, own our home and a rental property each outright and have savings so having extra would be nice but not needed. We have a lovely life together anyway. I have seen people bitterly disappointed and upset when excluded from their parents will. I suspect I will be one of them but not because of the money.
We are leaving the joint house to each other and rentals/money go to our dc. If there is anything left.

In Germany you are not allowed to disinherit your children. Legally they have to inherit a certain percentage of your estate (can't remember what that is at the moment, but it's not small)

I think divorce and remarriage, which is increasingly common, changes things. When my lovdely father died, I didn't expect to inherit (and didn't) because it all went to his wife. But they had enjoyed a long and happy marriage for over 30 years, so that was right and appropriate. If it was a recent partner, it would probably feel very different, so I can understand your children's concern.

Just wanted to add that my mum's favourite hasn't got a bean, still working and paying rent and now almost 60. For years they rubbed it in how they would probably get everything. Karma I suppose. Our parents are both mid 80s still going strong.

I think this is so "grabby" and disrespectful. You aren't dead so inheritance doesn't apply.

I would have loved it if my mum had sold the house and lived a little before she died.

I think she should think about what she is saying , if she did indeed say this and it isn't exh wild guess.

I am British and I dont expect anything. They worked their whole lives for what they had, my dad has. It's his to do with as he chooses/needs.

I think divorce and remarriage, which is increasingly common, changes things. When my lovely father died, I didn't expect to inherit (and didn't) because it all went to his wife. But they had enjoyed a long and happy marriage for over 30 years, so that was right and appropriate. If it was a recent partner, it would probably feel very different, so I can understand your children's concern

I agree. Dh lost everything in his divorce, including his house. Has paid increased CM over the years and lived with his parents rather than get back on the property ladder.

So he has nothing to leave his (now adult) children.

I have my own house and assets which will go to my children if there is anything left. They are still children though so I have ring fenced everything for them should anything happen to me, they will have funds to help any guardian. I haven't left Dh's kids anything at present as I said, mine are still minors whereas Dh's are working adults.

I can imagine his kids would see it as being "left out of the will" and may well think they're entitled to half the house- I will review when mine are working and self sufficient but until then that's how it is. Technically they should have the house and assets inherited through their mother, but she lives with OM now so who knows if it has been split to include his children.

My parents own a property, which I would in the normal course of events expect to inherit.

I don't believe that the state should fund retirement home care for those who can afford to fund their own (because I don't believe the taxpayer should subsidise people who have often already benefited from house price increases), so if my parents' money ends up being used to pay for their care homes then fair enough.

But I would be gutted if they actively left it to someone other than my brother and me.

I think there is a difference between expectation to inherit what's left to expecting parents to have something to leave you and worst to begrudge them spending their own money.

My in laws are fairly savvy and unless they get very ill in their old age there should be a decent amount left for my DH and his sibling go inherit.

My dm currently has property but I don't think savings and if I'm honest I'm not expecting there to be much left for us. There is the added complication of her being married to a man with his own children. They had their inheritance as part of their parents divorce and so currently it's set that they get a minimal amount of money and myself and my siblings get the bulk of their estate but I'm acutely aware that if he outlived our mum that may not happen.

I have no problems with either parent spending what is there's now and so long as they leave enough to pay for funeral expenses then that's fine.

PinkPrincess
As long as your mum has made a legal will since her marriage you should be fine.
The problems arise when people don't make a new will as soon as they get married. A marriage invalidates any existing wills.