Is it normal in the UK for people to assume that they will inherit money/property from their parents?

[GhostBusting]

I have name changed as the dcs sometimes look on here!

I had one English parent and one non English but was largely brought up abroad though I have been back in the UK for more than 20 years now. Both my dcs are English. I am divorced from their dad.

I never expected to inherit anything. My parents lived in a country where there was no state funded healthcare so by and large, everything they had went on their medical and care costs in their older years. Throughout their lives, they gave money to their dcs when they could (on birthdays/xmas). This was fairly normal and when they passed away, there was not much left to distribute.

I have been quite surprised by the attitudes of people in the UK since I've been here. I have a lot of friends who actively appear to assume that they will inherit large sums from their parents whether by way of them being left a large property or other assets (cash etc.). In fact, I had dinner with a couple last week who were asking me advice on how to move their mother's house out of her name to avoid her being forced to sell it to pay for her care costs!

I have worked hard my whole life and am lucky enough to have a good paying job now. I have always been careful with money but like my parents, given cash to my dcs on birthdays/xmas. I have a dp now and am enjoying spending some money going on nice holidays with him as I was single for a long time after the divorce. My (adult) dd has been playing up a bit recently and exh told me the other day it's because she thinks that my dp is 'taking all the money that would otherwise be left for her!'.

Now first of all that isn't true and I will speak to her about it, but is there a cultural expectation in this country that children do inherit from their parents? Before I start addressing the issue, I just want to make sure I'm not missing something.

Reminds me that I need to go and make a Will!

I’m in the same sort of boat as some others in terms of divorced but not married to DP yet. Both have DC to take into account and both of us would need to be able to continue living in the house if the other died.

Modern families are complicated!

I agree with others that yes there is quite an undercuurent of expectation among people in this country that thye will inherit. I also no in my younger days that it wouldn't be unusual for older people to mention quite a lot who thye were leaving their money too.

I think as time has gone on and things like care home funding come into play, that that attitude witll change. I dont expect to inherit anything from my parents as they are spending all their money I have told them I dont want any involvement in any inheritence. They are manipulative about it hence me saying I wanted nohting to do wit it

I grew up with my parents constantly bleating.."but we do all this (buying a house, which sometimes means going without) for you so you can inherit it all one day". I think some people in the past have been guilty of dangling the inheritence carrot which does lead to expectation

Also from non British background and will certainly not be getting any inheritance and sometimes, if I think about it too much, I can't help but envy my friends and peers whose parents have accumulated assets and will be passing them down. I work extremely hard and don't think I'm entitled but it does sting a little. I've used that feeling to motivate myself into doing the opposite for my own dc. They should inherit a decent amount each, provided nothing goes awry!

Yes I will inherit nothing and actually spent money helping my elderly parent till they died last year. It does sting a bit as I see friends inheriting and retiring early. But DH who also will not inherit is just proud that everything we have done, we have done without help.

My DS will be inheriting from me as I do not intend to ever go into a care home. If I get to a stage where need full time care I don't want to be here.

I would leave everything to your dc. How would you feel, if your dp inherited the home, met someone and married someone else, and then decided to leave the home to her? Then it went to her dc??? Think about this before making any changes.....its not your responsibly to make sure your dp has a home. Surely, he had a home before he met you?

Waxonwaxoff0
Hopefully you have made a living will and both Power of Attorney documents. If not, and you become ill or have dementia, you won't have any say over what happens.

I know I mention these things frequently on MN and certain people have got annoyed about it, but I have seen such awful things happen to people because they don't realise how important it is to take care of the legal stuff, I keep saying it. If it saves even one person from distress it is worthwhile.

I can understand your DD’s perspective tbh OP. She feels you were shafted by your exH and doesn’t want you to be again. The same thing happened/is happening to my mum. She’s recently divorced for the second time and the narcissistic, workshy, spendaholic, cockroach of a man will be entitled to half the proceeds of her house when it’s sold. The house is owned totally by her in her own name etc. That would have been me and my brothers inheritance later in life and my mum is seething about it!
If things progress with your relationship I advise you don’t marry your DP or your DC’s will likely end up with nothing! If your DP has a house and assets then at least he’s financially solvent, otherwise I would suspect (like your DD) he is sponging! Especially if he’s living in your house and your paying for his holidays abroad!

@Oldraver - yes - the "inheritance carrot" is used a great deal to manipulate potential heirs.

One of the things on here is that the fewer the children the more they will receive. However some people can get quite unpleasant when it comes to inheritance. We always told my father to spend his money on travel, unfortunately he then became too ill for holidays but died before going into care

I have told DH he can have as many girlfriends as he likes, but he mustn't get married or I will come back and haunt him .
My lovely neighbours paid a massive deposit on their DD and SIL's house. Their DD died of cancer without making a will. The SIL married again and the new wife has kicked the teenage DC out of the house. The deposit invested in the house is not recoverable as it was a gift.
The teenagers now live with the grandparents.
The new wife is spending money as fast as she can.

It is a cultural norm here I think. My parents inherited, I'll inherit, my children will inherit. It's something we talk about, so there's no unspoken expectation or uncertainty. I have a copy of my parents' will, and they have mine. We're a mercenary family .

I expect to inherit anything that's leftover but I know that could be nothing if my mother needs care later in life so I don't plan my life based on it as it may not happen. Not sure that's the same thing?

My parents have left it to their grandkids in theory to skip one lot of inheritance tax. We will see what really happens!

You could say to your DC that you plan to do something similar as hopefully they'll be in their 50s when you die.

I find this fascinating. I'm in my mid twenties and genuinely have very little idea what my parents are "worth" (hate that term). I know roughly what the house is worth because they nearly sold when I lived at home.

I was actually told very recently by my mum that I'm likely to inherit from grandparents when they die - it genuinely hadn't crossed my mind. I suppose I knew it was a possibility but assumed it would be needed for their own costs - I thought I might get some jewellery, that type of thing. I recently inherited a sewing machine and am absolutely thrilled and grateful - but also I would much rather my grandma was still alive and in good health.

I think I assume my parents will leave enough for their funerals and I recognise not everyone can do that. They'll probably leave more, but I've got multiple siblings, and I almost can't bear to even think too far into it because I don't want to imagine a world without my parents! I'm lucky enough to be on a good salary and expect to be able to support myself and hopefully(!) buy property in the next 5-10years without any financial aid.

Money was never really discussed in our family growing up, other than saving is important, not to waste it, and that we're lucky to have all the things we do. Certainly no way I - or I hope siblings - would begrudge parents spending on holidays, care, doing up their house etc. They bloody deserve it after raising us lot!

My parents have left it to their grandkids in theory to skip one lot of inheritance tax. We will see what really happens!

How does that work? Inheritance tax is a % of the estate, whoever you leave it to pays it. I don’t think leaving it to grandchildren rather than children makes a difference?

Just realised my post could come across as insensitive - I do not mean to imply that anyone wouldn't rather have the person still alive than the inheritance!

Even if a parent has a property worth over £1million that could quickly go on care fees and tax.

Your friends who asked about taking their mothers house so she doesn’t have to sell to pay for care fees are naive. The HMRC isn’t that stupid.

Aabsolutely
I would’ve been most upset if my parents had left what few assets they had to a cats home.

My mum even looked after her older sister in the hope that what she had would come to me ...and it did..thanks mum and auntie...and I looked after the pair of them when they both got dementia.
That was fun ☹️

My children would feel the same if they were disinherited by me
...not a chance

its the m/c norm, id say yes.

as social mobility has slowed to a halt, inheritances are more important than ever. w/c people are stuffed

I'm sure other countries/cultures do leave their children their stuff or property - if they have it. I am sure Greek shipping magnates and Russian millionaires and Texas oil men all pass at least a chunk of their money to their kids. I don't think its just in the UK (though maybe property prices alot higher in the UK). Obviously if your parents have nothing - and that is the case in the uk for some as well - then there is nothing to pass on.

But its obvious there is more now being passed on in some middle class quarters in the UK because of inflated property prices. But this is also now being offset - at least to some degree - by the demands for payments for care when ageing. But it is a lottery. And many ordinary people without property are stuffed its true (financially anyway).

I know someone who asked her parents for an advance on her inheritance
She found out that her parents had put a lump sum aside for her and her siblings as their inheritance, so she asked if she could have it now

But its obvious there is more now being passed on in some middle class quarters in the UK because of inflated property prices

yes, so the children of baby boomers who made money in property are laughing all the way to the bank - ime. its something not talked about enough politically.