Being called 'good girl'

[SarahH19]

What is it with some men in calling woman a 'good girl'?

Am I being unreasonable to be offended?

I've only dated one man who has used this phase towards me but I have heard it a few times. But what's with it?

It always strikes me as a bit dominant, which I quite like.

I always think it's a phrase dangled in to conversation to preview/test submissive tendencies. Personally I always fix them with a hard stare that Paddington's Aunt Lucy would approve of!

It's not something I hear often at all. If I did I'd remind them in no longer twelve.

In fact I think I've only heard it with people praising dogs!

I’ve only heard it once, not even my bf. A colleague asked me to pass him something, can’t remember what now. I’d already picked it up when he said it. I fixed him with a glare like TheGrapefulDead and dropped the item so he had to bend down and pick it up. All the other male colleagues couldn’t believe what he said and told him so.

I’d be shocked if someone said it during day to day conversation. I dislike pet names at the best of times and calling me, a grown woman, ‘good girl’ would have be cringing and I’d let them know I didn’t like it.

I agree it’s something you’d say to a dog. Or perhaps a very young baby eating their puréed carrots.

Maybe in the bedroom with a mutually agreed sub/dom dynamic.

Day to day? Nah, bad boy.

DH sometimes uses "girl" if he's watching women's sports, eg tennis. Never heard him use "boy" for sportsmen. I've made my feelings on the matter clear. Fortunately, he's never called me "girl" although FIL does. I'm late 40s...

Aaaargh!!!! Just no! Unbelievably patronising. I wouldn't give them a chance, that's unfixable IMO!

Dominant or patronising

I've never been called a good girl 😉

My boss did this. Called me a good girl all the bloody time. I was 30 years older than him.when I told him to stop doing it I got sacked!!!!

I wouldn't care and would just get on with my life.

No one has said this to me but I think it would absolutely do 'the glare' as pp mentioned and tell them that I am not a dog! Good on you Adora! I think I would have launched what ever it was across the room! CF!

It's almost as bad as mansplaining!

I'm fine with it in the bedroom. But DP wouldn't dare say it outside, unless he was joking/trying to wind me up, which it would do because it is massively patronising!

I'm VERY much for it in a sexual manner. Does funny things to me 😂

DP and I have a stupid song we made up that we sing about the dog being a very good boy that has kind of extended to congratulate ourselves (whichever one of us is singing) on being a very good boy/girl too and then implying the other one is not a good boy/girl. It’s a stupid inside joke basically we wouldn’t do it in public - and the dog largely ignores us.

I can imagine using it in a tongue in cheek way - I think my sister called me a ‘good girl’ the other week when I’d accomplished some minor task and was making a bit of a joke of being proud of myself because it’s something I usually put off. But then she’s older than me by 15 years and the dynamic has always been a bit like she’s my second mum. My mum and also my definitely my nana would also tell adults that they were a good girl/boy but always done in a tongue in cheek way or that sort of ‘well you’re still MY baby’ way.

If DP actually said it in all seriousness because I’d done something that met his approval I’d find it patronising and instantly do the opposite of whatever made him say it, like the PP who dropped the item she was passing.

Does funny things to me too, DP often calls me a good girl, no one else would dare to.

Hate it, hate it, hate.

I've never been called a "good girl" IRL but it fucks me off immensely when you see midwives saying it to women in labour on TV.

Calling grown women "girls" is very normalised; I find it creepy and weird.

My mom described a 50-year old woman as a "nice girl" the other day. I corrected her on that pretty fucking sharpish.

It made me smile y'all saying about calling dogs "good girl". Me and DP call our dog "good woman" when she rarely does something right because we say we're a feminist household and won't infantilise the females of any specifies

Yeah, it's a turn on. But I've only had it in the context of flirting.

In a work environment or otherwise, I'll glare.

I would be offended if it was out of the bedroom!

I'm glad to read these responses as I thought I was weird for liking it in the bedroom. It's the only place DP would ever use it though, thankfully. I wouldn't appreciate it in any other context of from anyone else.

It's from porn . They use it in that when gagging some woman.

It's always out the bedroom!! Thanks all for responses, some of them made me laugh.

My boyfriend calls me this or will say it to someone about me when he’s speaking highly of me - for instance he will say “She’s a good girl aint she!” He will also use it sexually.
I like it and have never found it to be derogatory!

You often hear female sportswomen (usually in team sports) talk about their teammates as “girls.”

Heard it during numerous interviews for the Women’s football World Cup and for the recent netball championship / World Cup (can’t remember which it was).

Perhaps not specifically “good girls,” but it’s still interesting that “girls” is so embedded in sport.