Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Ladies, please, there are single men on the thread..

What a lovely card @thelaststraw123 and happy birthday

@woomawang I have a friend who didn't want a baby until she met her second husband in her early 40s.

Love I'd also not see that as a red or even amber flag. He's aware and is addressing it. I'm presuming you're not planning on moving in together anytime very soon, so he has time to hone his skills lol

thelast happy birthday, Mr Mechanic sounds like a keeper for sure.

With apologies to average and the other thread men: you would not believe what menopause does for horniness, no waiting for ovulation stuff, it’s just constant!

I’ve got a couple of friends who didn’t decide to start families until they were in their 40s, @Ginmel.

That said, I’ve already got 2 kids (19 and 10) and I’m not sure I need another one. MrSG has 2 too, which would take the total to 5 😱.

Looks like my iron also felt the spark!. I think Mr Abs is not an auspicious name, so it’s Mr Mmm

Batshit your right, I have no intention of moving in with anyone, I think I just worry as I am the caring type who could easily end up doing things for him. He’s only lived on his own for a few month, he is pretty good at keeping the house spotless (it’s probably too clean and tidy) but struggle with cooking and time keeping. He was with his ex from the age of 20 so has never been on his own so it’s understandable.

Hi All,

Just want to check that I'm in the Friendzone with this one. Started chatting at the weekend on whatsapp and seemed to have loads in common - agreed to meet her for a coffee yesterday lunchtime which I now regret as I always find 20 min coffee dates always end this way but this was the reply I got when I asked if she fancied a drink after work next week:

Hello! Sorry for delayed response. I had dinner (mackerel!) and passed out. That would be nice to go for a drink, but as friends as I wasn’t sure if there was a connection as anything more. You never know what could come out of it, but that’s what I thought so far. What do you think?!

Yup, friendzoned for now rich, sorry. Who eats mackerel then passes out???

@richdeniro yeah sounds friendzone to me.

“Wasn’t sure if there was a connection” means “I didn’t fancy you” in my experience!

Yeah thought so, I replied saying 'No worries... Obviously I thought you were lovely which is why I’m asking you out again and we can just go for a drink if you fancied and go from there', she replied to that with 'OK sounds good! chat next week to make a plan'.

Will just leave it at that now and won't reply.

Happy birthday putastraw

Friendzoned I think rich and yes the mackerel pass out is odd!!

@CassettesAreCool I'm approaching that age. Maybe I need to get two FWBs

@woomawang does mr sg want any more kids?

Has anyone tried Hinge with much success? I quite like the format and had a few pleasant matches, but the usual numbers game seems to apply 😬

@richdeniro at least she's been honest up front

@averageguy you should consider yourself fortunate to have such an insight 😉

@richdeniro did you talk about mackerel? I'm trying not to giggle about the comment -it's a bit fishy! Why did it make her pass out.

Ginmel I do, I do! I just need to find someone in the same situation

Happy birthday @putastrawunderbaby x

Lol I don't remember talking about Mackerel, just asked her what she had for dinner.

Anyway I'll move on a get swiping, her loss and all that. I do wonder if she's in that might be someone better only another swipe away mentality though and is serial dating. A 20 min lunchtime coffee in Starbucks for a first date doesn't exactly give me much time to try and flirt and actually show who I am.

I read the other thread recently that someone wrote about a guy earning 45k not being enough for her. Pretty off-putting and seems to be the mindset for a lot of women (sorry to generalise, it's probably the same with guys too) especially in London.

@Ginmel I honestly think he’d be happy to do whatever I wanted to do. If I said, ‘I want to have a baby,’ then he’d be all for it. But equally he’s happy with the number of children we have.

I do have to say that a year off work sounds tempting. 😂 But that’s more about how crap work is than anything else. DS2 was the incredible non-sleeping baby so I’m well aware of what kind of year that could be (and a decade older, and more tired 😱). And still not being at work sounds good. I suspect getting a new job is the answer there though.

Weirdly, his (horrible) ex keeps asking him (on WA): ‘when’s the baby due?’. But that is only because she genuinely can’t imagine anyone choosing to be with someone unless one has ‘trapped’ the other with a not-really-accidental pregnancy. There’s more than a little projection going on there. She really cannot fathom that he might just genuinely really like me (and vice versa).

A wee update - It's been a rough couple of months getting over my 'Mr Unavailable'. He's tried circling back a couple of times after me going NC, I finally heard him out and it was all Guilt trips/sob stories/poor me/i'm not to blame rubbish.

So, anyway, my schedule has freed up and i'm back on the dating scene. Have decided that since my year is packed i'm basically going to be uncommitted this year. Had a date last night with a really nice guy, Mr Irish, not 100% my type really but very interesting, easy to talk to, non-monogomous, v open about it...and, irish? perfect. Took him home with me and had a lovely evening, total tonic/healing experience after the self esteem trauma of the previous one. Will probably be seeing him on Friday for an evening out.Chatting to a few others. Yawn. Totally flipping knackered. Dating's a young womans game

I agree the mackerel bit is odd and funny, @richdeniro. You’re right that it’s her loss.

I saw that thread too. It’s a depressing attitude - especially the bit about how it’s necessary so that the OP can become a SAHM without a drop in lifestyle.

I think, though, that most of us on this thread would see unemployed (other than very temporarily) as very offputting. But once you’re at ‘gainfully employed and self supporting’, I don’t think we are how much a potential partner earns. I earn enough to support me and my children, so I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have wanted another financial dependent or someone who was more interested in my money than me (looking at you, bastard ex, and never going there again). I’d feel quite bad about myself if someone’s bank balance and salary were the key things that matrered

I saw that thread rich and didn’t really understand it. How on earth do people discover how much each other earns? Do they just ask straight out? Seems sooo rude

Hit post accidentally, the end of that was going to be: ‘that mattered to me.’

It’s hard enough finding someone you fancy and get on with, without getting all mercenary and/or looking for them to support you financially.