Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@minerva44 lurker opinions aside, we live in the real world here..

So he is going to come to Manchester, which I am already dreading but it’s too late now, at least it’s over and done with then.

I also broke a rule and asked him to come over during our facetime last night, we got away with it. I’m not sure he’ll be very productive at work today, he had managed three on Monday so I challenged him to dtd four times, he passed with flying colours.

@Gymandtonic25 I had my exclusive chat with Mr R on about the 4th date and we've been together over 3 months now. I was very anxious about his constant whatsapping but he just has lots of groups (football group, work colleagues, travelling buddies, family members etc) and so is constantly receiving messages. He has shown me funny selfies that a drunk friend sent drunk 2am and I just think his life is much more 24 hours than mine. I never told him any of my anxieties so thankfully don't look like a mad stalker. It just took time to get to know him and have him gradually show me selfies / even audio clips that his friends have sent.

bloody hell simon good going!!!

nige I don't really see how you can avoid having this out with him, you feel unsettled so you need to know. I agree going round to get binned off is unappealing - maybe a phone call?

@CassettesAreCool I have to admit I took the wimp approach and just cancelled tonight's date and gave vague dates for being free in future. I've done this before and seen how it goes and you don't go from saying how much you like someone and then zero in my opinion. There was clearly something I did or said on Weds, or maybe he's got other irons he hasn't told me about (we both agreed we wanted to see where it went on Tuesday so decided to delete the app).

I'm actually feeling a bit gutted about it because I really got the impression he was genuine. Maybe I've been to hasty, I've still got his number and haven't blocked him, so I'll let him come to me. I'm not going to second guess myself

nige I think you were right to go with your gut but leave the door open. If you've misread the situation, or you've read it right but he then gets a change of heart, he'll be back. And yes, avoid second guessing what did it - one of the rules says it's them, not you, and that's right. There's nothing wrong in you being authentically you by opening up to someone.

At what point do you introduce someone to your kids? My dd’s are 13 and 15, my 15 year old knows I’m dating someone as she has been looking after her sister when I go out, she’s now getting a bit funny with me because I’m going out twice a week. I have brought men to the house before but things haven’t worked out so I don’t want to rush introducing someone else but for things to progress it will have to happen at some point (though I would like to wait as long as I can). If you have teens, what do they think of you dating or being in a new relationship?

I have a new iron. He has a heart meltingly warm smile. I shall call him Mr S...

ginmel pleeeeeeease name your irons. whats with the letters? I cannot visualise an iron with just an allocated letter

Just back from lunch. Things over with MrTall&Beardy. Another who is not yet ready to date - wish they'd bloody decide before signing up to the apps 🤬

Sorry @neverexpected2

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm lazy! S stands for smile in this case..

ahhhh thanks ginmel I feel better

😁 I'm so pleased

Wrong smiley 😂

hahaha

Longtime lurker here and need to come out into the open for some handholding and advice.
This is going to be long, so please bear with me!
I was widowed 12 years ago and after a couple of half hearted attempts to date over the years I decided to make a concerted effort this year. I've met a couple of nice men (I followed the rules posted here .. thank you .. they really helped!), but no real spark with any and nothing progressed past a couple of dates.

In early July I "met" someone online - he seemed to be the complete package and seemed to share a similar story to mine and had gone through the same trauma.

When we met he was about to travel to the Middle East for business and has been there ever since. Initially we were in sporadic email contact, but that increased over the past 2 weeks and we've been talking on the phone and over IM. Everything seemed to going really well until last week when the deal he was working on, started to fall apart. He claims to have been financing it himself and had run out of money.

I knew, deep down, he was going to approach me for money and today he finally came out and asked. I told him I wanted proof that this was real and asked some questions. I have received some answers (not very satisfactory tbh) and I'm getting increasingly sceptical.
Even as I write this my head is screaming that I'm being conned - if I was reading this from someone else I'd be thinking exactly the same.
I haven't shared this with anyone in "real life" - my friends would have me locked up!
As an (supposedly) intelligent, professional woman, I think I'm just so disappointed in myself and that someone has preyed on my good nature and vulnerablities.

I need you to shout at me and tell me I definitely should not give this person any money! Help - stop me being an idiot!

trustmygut - trust your gut!!! It's a scam! You are being catfished!!

Step away from the keyboard, do NOT give this man any money!!!

trustmygut no shouting from me but this is most definitely a scam - google 'oil rig dating scam'. These 'people' prey on vulnerability and know how to play you like a violin. It happened to me on my first foray into OLD - a very harsh but salutary lesson is recognising your vulnerability and dealing with it. Tell him to fuck off with bells on and chalk it up to experience. Block on absolutely everything. He's not real.

trustmygut I know it hurts to hear this, but if you haven't met this guy irl, than it absolutely and definitely is a scam, and you are honestly being catfished.

Even if you had met him in real life, I would have said the same thing.

You need to go NC with this person - block "him" from every communications method "he" is aware of, and never.ever.ever. give money on-line to anyone you haven't met, and be VERY cautious with people you only sort-of know..

Oh, and come back here for a hand-hold..

Virtual long distance hug and

AverageGuy - thank you! I needed that - I'm so annoyed at myself for being guilible. I need to block his number and IM now.

Con!

Thank you both - I needed that kick! Number has been blocked and I've blocked him on Kik and deleted the app. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. They really do reel you in!
What is more annoying is that I had been chatting to another really nice, genuine guy who wanted to meet me and I cast him aside for this other eejit!
Lesson learned and onwards and upwards!

trustmygut Don't feel bad, there are hundreds if not thousands of people that have been caught by similar scams. I had a "woman" try a similar thing with me in my early days of OLD, but managed to see it for what it was quite early on..

OLD is a minefield....