Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Strongtoday sounds fun for both of you. Fab!

@Ant330 unbelievable. So first she rang you to see if you were alright. Ie to check you were still upset and pining. And then she was annoyed you were ready to start dating. And you were only with her for a couple of months.. wow.

@Lovemusic33 sounds like you're bloody terrified. But he seems nice and normal. Esp compared to some of your recent irons. And walking the dogs and eating is real life. And if you do get bored well... but I think the fact you're so scared is proof that you won't.

I'm getting a bit bored with Mr Unsuitable. He came out with some of my friends last night and it was fine. But his grumpiness and faux macho ness are starting to outweigh the great sex and unsuitableness. I'm away in a couple of days so I'll see how things are when I get back. I quite miss being single.

@rickdeckard I seem to have only matched with very chatty guys who messaged lots before the first date so I would assume if a guy had arranged a date and then cut down on the chatting that he had lost interest or assumed he had me in the bag and was now chatting to other women in case the date with me didn't work out.

With Mr R we sent lots of messages before we met and spoke on the phone four or five times in that week. He has a sexy voice and he tells me I have a nice voice so he still calls loads.

Update from me.
I have some irons! I've been chatting to a few women on-line, but I don't "count" them as irons until things have progressed a bit beyond chat, so...

Miss Old, who is 67 , but looks attractive in her photos, so why not? We have a date lined up for next Monday. She initially said that she wanted to meet people nearer her own age, so I think she may have a hang up about the age gap.

Miss Close, who lives, er, closeish to me. She wants different things to me on paper, but has decided to meet me anyway We have a date tomorrow..

Miss Doctor, who is busy when I'm free, and vice versa, so we are struggling to find a mutual time to meet...

Peanut yes, I think I’m just petrified but also worried I will get bored, I have been single for so long that I think I will miss being single 🤣, we kind of get used to doing what we like without having to consider a 2nd person, all the planning ahead and choosing places to go stresses me out a little, I’m rubbish at deciding what to do or where to go and so is he. Yesterday he surprised me by being naked when I knocked on his door (we kind of joked about it before hand as I didn’t think he would answer the door with nothing on) 🤣. I will see him tomorrow and hopefully see him at the weekend to spend a day with him rather than just sex and dinner.

@AverageGuy sounds good. There's loads of women I find very attractive across all ages. I set my age filters to 1/2 my age plus 7, and then about 15 above. I swiped right on one stunning profile that was 55 (13 yrs older than me) and asked the dating gods to please match me... She didn't 😂.

Don't take it personally, chaps. Some of us just don't like younger men. 😉

@RickDeckard I am 15 years older than my BF.

And yes keep chatting but not excessively. You need to build a little predate excitement but not so much you overinvest. Tricky balance. If someone I had a date set up with then went quiet I would carry on swiping/messaging and probably set up dates with someone else. This is what happened with mr Unsuitable. I had a date set up but the iron didn't message so I drifted off. By the time the date came round a week later I had a good messaging rapport with mr U. I did go on the date but only because it would be rude not to.

Haha @Ginmel I thought I didn't like younger men. Til I got myself one.... not sure I can face going back to the over 50s now.....

Rick interesting age range. I've gone 15 years younger and 10 older. I can't see a thirty something being interested in someone just about old enough to be their dad, and 67 is just close enough to 70 to somehow feel a bit icky...

I’m not keen on dates no younger men, I have tried but it’s not really for me. I have one guy who messages me daily who’s a lot younger than me, I have been on a couple dates with him and DTD with him but it wasn’t great. I prefer to date men a few years older. My Skinny is only 3 years older.

dear god i joined FAB last night and woke to 70 messages,thats without the winks

this could be fun

Bloody hell ant! Seriously block her she sounds awful actually

peanut do you think that’s the end?

Had a great night with Mr Big but we had a bit too much wine and I have a feeling we had a heart to heart which I cannot remember 😂

@AverageGuy I set my lower limit based on a Google search for younger limit. Deffo not interested in someone a million miles away on maturity and life stage. 1/2 plus 7 seemed to be the standard answer, so 28 to 57 for me.

@Ginmel is right though, I don't think I've had any matches above 48 though, and that one ghosted me 🤦‍♂️😂

@Peanuthedz thanks for the advice. I'll play it cool but not chat all day. Unless they're happy for me to contact them nearer to the time.

I only get a weekend a fortnight to date, as my daughter lives with me and I travel with work when she's with her Mum. Maybe I should date while away with work, but that feels a bit too hookup-y 🤔

When swiping I find a lot of younger men are very hot looking but I feel intimidated like they wouldn't like me/ my body and they could get someone much better looking! Wish there was a magic pill for body confidence (very flat chested)
I've matched with someone 7 years older 😳 and he seems lovely , if not a bit intense. He says how much he likes me (we've met twice!), he's told his family about me too! He's new to old so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

@Lillyrose19 we're all different. I'd take a peachy bum over big boobs everyday of the week 🙂

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I don't know if it's the end! I'm always a bit hot and cold with him. As it has no future it has to be better than being single. Sometimes it is sometimes it isn't. I'll hopefully be a bit clearer after a few weeks away from him. It's not been helped by an old friend getting in touch. I was totally smitten with him about 25 years ago and we ran into each other a year ago. He messaged last week to ask if he could visit. We both know what that means. I don't know if it would be a one-off which would crush me or a casual ongoing thing. I'm not going to finish with mr u because of it as there's no rush. And I wouldn't be unfaithful. But I know he's out there. But he'll still be out there whenever.

Exactly @RickDeckard and @Lillyrose19 apparently Mr U likes women to be totally flat chested and flat bummed. I am neither of those.

Is it bad of me to say I just like women? I have no preference for boobs, bum or legs.. I like them all...

@AverageGuy Yes. That's shocking. 🤣

@AverageGuy not bad. Nice. Refreshing even!

@Ant330 fucking hell man! But I'm glad you told her a few home truths enough that she is backpeddaling furiously, well done! What a silly bugger she is. Are your belongings stuff you really do want and need back? If not I'd cut her off completely, she doesn't get to control what you're up to when she doesn't want you or want to communicate like a grown-up.

@JeSuisPrest I really think you should back right off and make sure you don't get upset and into a fight with him over ILY. I'm not dissimilar to him, in that I have only ever told fuckbuddies turned boyfriends I love them but not I'm in love with them. I'm hoping to fall in love - but any raising it fighting/breaking up/arguing would put it back a few weeks or month at a time imo because I would feel under pressure and be less sure of my feelings. It doesn't mean I wasn't passionate about and cared very much and besotted with them.

Think I'm on the smitten bench with 5in1. A friend encouraged me to go online and swipe a bit recently (I had a wobble about 5in1 losing interest, later turned out to be untrue) but it felt absolutely wrong so I guess I have a position on exclusivity now! Had a bit of a heart to heart last night and he enjoys being deadpan sarcastic, but I'm taking him saying I'm one of 12 as sarcasm not fact although I wish he would be less deadpan "funny" sometimes, but I think we are adjusting and calibrating to each other.

I'm greedy I like bums and boobs!
It's clear I also have a definite type personality wise, as two of my mates (who knew my ex well) on meeting MissH commented that I clearly have a personality type I find attractive. They were surprised as they thought I'd deliberately go for somebody different after my ex. Can't help what you like can you, and I suppose I'm used to dealing with the downsides that go with lots of upsides.
Coffee my belongings I'm not too fussed about, hers she will definitely want if she hasn't got a boyfriend!
She's now trying to convince me not to finish it.

Um, hello.

Is there a 'how to start this dating stuff' thread anywhere? I am in the process of divorcing, so not really in a position to look for a new life partner, but my confidence is super low (emotionally abusive stbxh) and my marriage has been sexless for over 5 years, feel like I have been deprived.

I had a random song at a music festival earlier this year and it made me think I'm not dead yet, maybe I should get back out into the world.....

ffs. song=snog

@Ant330 she sounds like a headf*cker. A technical/medical term