Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I don't know 😂 but at least I can laugh about it now.
I won't go into the whole conversation as there's been a fair amount of back and forth, but suffice to say I've got a lot off my chest and she's apologising and backtracking like mad.

Sounds a lucky escape..Ant330..So date was ok..unsure as he was talking about retirement and not having a development plan at work.He is 54..I am only 45 . He lives with his elderly parents

Quite, @RickDeckard it wasn't even just about him trying his luck on a first date. He wanted to be treated the same as previous partners for non sexual stuff too. Weirdo

@ginmel @Ant330 it's almost like we should thank people for being so honest as to not fuck us about at a later date and make it worse. Key thing I think is to maintain your standards and be resolute. Jesus I struggle with that sometimes.

Sounds like a right charmer Ginmel 🙄

@Ginmel That is really weird.

@Ant330 This is her in the honeymoon phase, imagine how she would act in six months time etc.

MrNN spent the day here yesterday, @Lovemusic33 will be pleased to know we are well past seeing each other ten times, but I thought he deserved the time limit to be ended yesterday.

@Ant330 she what?? The bloody brass neck on her!

And Ginmel... that is seriously odd.

Mini update from me. First date approaches, it's Friday, but whilst shes been on holiday we've messaged constantly and spoken on the phone for about an hour most days. I'm so hopeful that well get on well face to face.

Ant - remember the saying - when someone shows you who they are - believe them - you've definitely dodged a large bullet - hope the handover goes as well as can be expected.

@HarmlessChap that sounds promising, at least you know that you get on and you like each other from your voices. Hope there is a spark on Friday.

@Ant330 seriously, once you've swapped stuff. Avoid her, block her.

Ant I agree with the others - block her after your stuff swap. She was probably hoping you were pining for her ...

Ginmel words fail me!

Do folks normally message and call a lot before the first date? I tend to try and arrange the date and then keep it to a minimum where possible, maybe a couple of texts a day if they're chatty and want to know a bit more.

@rickdeckard depends on circs. I have only had two OLD dates. One we chatted for a couple of weeks as I was travelling, tbh, by the time we met I had reservations.

Second, we messaged a few times, met within 3 days and snogged. He then turned out to be batshit. So I now think I would want to know a bit more before the date if I go back to OLD.

rick I used to hate it if someone I matched with messaged regularly right up until a date was arranged, and then didn't bother. It meant I already decided I wasn't thst bothered by the time the date came around. Other women I know feel differently. I wouldn't have wanted excessive messaging, but some light-hearted chit chat was definitely required.

I had date 5 (or is it 6?) with Mr Skinny last night, ended up spending most of it at his and then grabbed something quick to eat. Last night was the first time he opened up to me and probably me to him, we talked about our past and shit we have been through. The sex is pretty good 😋 and we seem to have a connection but I worry about how things will move on, being in a relationship and becoming “comfortable” scares me a little, I’m also still worried that he’s looking for a replacement wife and possibly still isn’t over his marriage ending (they are divorced). He seems keen to see me more, has asked to see me tomorrow but I’m worried I will get bored if I see him too much as we are kind of running out of things to do, there’s only so many times you can eat out or go for a walk. I think I’m just scared about the whole getting serious thing, the possibility of meeting each other’s children and doing normal relationship type things.

I think this is something people do on a what works for them @RickDeckard I will only message a bit but also can usually a meet within a week so it feels fairly natural. I'm also not a big messager anyhow.

Thanks @batshit good perspective to share. My head says have an initial chat, get some basic info so it feels comfortable, and then save the rest for the 1st date. I feel excessive texting might make me get a bit invested in a person I've not met IRL where the chemistry happens.

Dunno, maybe it's just me 🤷‍♂️

@Lovemusic33 reading what you wrote, I could be wrong, but it sounds like either there's a connection but not a strong one, or you're holding back. Sounds more the latter, although the running out of things to do bit makes me wonder if it's the former?

I probably wouldn't worry about the future too much, enjoy the present and take your time to figure out what you want. If the conversation happens, just be honest about it and try not to over think right now.

@Ant330 I'm sorry that happened, glad you had a lucky escape!

I agree with BatShit nothing worse than a person who suddenly cools once you agree a date. Gives the impression they were looking for a chase.

I have a a date planned for Thursday evening, it's a 2nd date (from Tinder) he asked, and we've gone from texting banter daily to complete silence. I think he's suddenly realised he doesn't want to go and is hoping I forget

I haven't heard from him since Monday morning, and we haven't confirmed where we're meeting or the time. Would you just leave it or send one last text? I do not want to come off as desperate but find the whole ghosting thing just rude. Ideas?

@RickDeckard I have also made the mistake in the past of getting too invested. It's even worse when the comms are great but there's not chemistry. I prefer getting to know someone face to face. I only meet for a drink as a first date (or more drinks if things are going well) so it's easy to exit easily.

Rick I think it’s mainly me holding back and being scared of getting too comfortable. I’m happy chilling and watching a film but than it makes me feel like it’s “a real relationship” and I don’t want to become that person who sits and watches films every night whilst cuddling on the sofa 🤣. I do really like him and I’m pretty sure he likes me but I’m just over cautious. I’m also doing all the driving at the moment because he can’t really come to my house without meeting my kids, I go over to him when he’s home from work so at some point he’s either going to have to meet my kids or I’m going to have to cut down the amount of times I go over as it’s costing me a fortune in fuel.

Update from me - so glad i went on tinder mr coincidence, who is known to my community so it wasnt 100% crazy, invited me round to his when i was ill and we really hit it off. He cooked me a very elaborate meal and chatted, watched films etc, was a gent. ....i stayed over and we had sex 4times which was repeated a further 4 times over the week

I feel like we dont have enough in common for a massive lifelong romance, and i worry that being in that childless early 30s stage he's being a bachelor dude now but may well start wanting babies soon and i've been there done that, but for the here and NOW i think we tick each other's boxes!