Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

AverageGuy yeah I get what you're saying - need to have a little more confidence in myself I think - a cheating ex dh has ruined any confidence I had 🤦‍♀️

Sunshine I'm sure you know best - just none of us want to see you get hurt 🤗

neverexpected There's a lot of that about

Of course, he could have posted false pictures, and actually be 4 foot nothing, and 18 stone..

Well that is always the risk 😉🤣

I don't actually think MrSAS has loads of friends. He said at the weekend that he has a few long-term friends who he can call on if he needs to but he's never been one for being overly sociable and has never 'done' social media at all. He only got an iphone (or any smart phone) when he started on line dating as his Nokia couldn't do the job!

I am saying this because my ex husband was the complete opposite. He was first to the party (any party) and last to leave and went out at any opportunity. His life was lived on social media for the 'likes' (and probably still is).

I am probably somewhere in between in that I have a number of close friends and will always see them if I can and I have social media but don't use it that much. I'd rather be home doing things I like than out just for the sake of being out. Like I say, I think meeting my friends would be a big deal for MrSAS. More so than for some other people.

He sounds very like Mr S sunshine!! Mr B is the opposite. Added me on FB early on. Likes my posts etc.

@Notcoolmum Oh God, I hope it's not the same person!

Def couldn't see Mr S as anything related to the SAS 😂🙈😂🙈

Haha! Mr SAS isn't actually anything to do with the SAS either...it was just the one photo on his dating profile that made me think of it!

He's not Scouse is he?!?! sunshine

@Notcoolmum Nope! Another definite regional accent but not Scouse!

Phew!! That would have been awful sunshine

Good afternoon all and hello newbies.

Mini update from me -MrC now tells me that he loves me to bits (frequently), with the caveat that he is not in love with me, but he assures me he will, he just needs more time. Okaaaaaaay. I'm sick of going round in circles with him over it. We "discuss" it aka - I get drunk, cry that I'm not good enough for him, he feels like shite, assures me I'm everything to him, we make up, rinse and repeat every 2 or 3 weeks. I'm going to give it a bit longer, mainly because he's pretty much everything I'm looking for and makes me feel so loved/looked after and I can't imagine him not being in my life.

He's asked me to set up an Amazon wish list for my birthday, which is a bit awkward - I've told him a box of chocs/flowers and card will be absolutely fine, but he's said I'll get those and a "proper" present. I've picked about 8 items - some silver earrings, bracelets and perfume - prices range from about £10.00 to £25.00 - that's OK and not too grabby isn't it? I'm only expecting one thing - not everything on the list.

Oh @JeSuisPrest that's the kind of thing you say to someone when you're breaking up with them..."I love you but I'm not in love with you".

Love means different things to different people so maybe this is it for him but he just doesn't realise. I hope so.

As for the wish list, I'm not a huge fan of them but what you've chosen sounds reasonable to me.

JeSuis you deserve more...

I suspect that he'll probably buy everything on your list...

@Sunshineandflipflops and @AverageGuy I know!!!! I finished with him last night over it and said I couldn't do it anymore, hoping it would make him realise that he did love me and what he had to lose. He cried begging me reconsider, so around we go again until the next time. I really think he does love me, but he's terrified of saying it. He says he's never been in love before - I'm not sure what he's waiting for - fireworks/marching band/shooting stars? I'll be fucked if I know. I wish I didn't love him, it would make things a lot easier.

@JeSuisPrest please don't break up over this. Mr C is opening his soil today you and telling you how he feels. He couldn't even say the l word a few weeks ago.

If I didn't think you guys had something incredibly special I wouldn't say that but I you do agree you will get there.

JeSuis Is he, by any chance on the spectrum? I ask, because what you just said about him resonated with me a bit.

I'm not sure I could explain what love felt / feels like, or the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone...

Soul though being on the farm I suspect soil is involved too

I just cancelled my date with Mr I on Sunday. As much as I want to meet him, instinct says we are after different things.

Oh jesuis what's the difference between loving you to bits and being in love with you? How does he distinguish the 2. I don't think I could handle it as I'd feel he was saying there is something lacking. When obvs you don't think anything is missing.

@AverageGuy No he's not on the spectum. He's one of the most emotional people I've ever met (man or woman), and I say that as a pretty emotional person myself, but he's really only like it with me - with friends and family he's a proper 'bloke', then when we're alone, the guard comes down and he's an absolute softy. Messages me constantly, even when I know he's busy, tells me how much I mean to him/how much he cares about me all the time, buys me thoughtful gifts, waits on me hand and foot, calls us an item, I've met his friends and family on several occasions, is making plans for us for Christmas and his 40th next year and yet doesn't love me... confused much?

I don't think love is a binary thing. It has momentum and grows.

I was in love recently, but there were things in the relationship that put the brakes on the momentum, as I knew there were patterns and behavious that I'd not be able to reconcile, despite in the here and now, everything was great. It was a really difficult break up as I was still in love ☹️

I think I'm just going to have to hold my nerve and not do anything rash hollow laugh. I stayed there last night, and we've got another 2 nights and days together this week. I told him I probably wouldn't see him much over the next couple of weeks as I've got DD and he was gutted.

I know I'm enough for him - he tells me I'm everything he wants, there's nothing he would change about me, but imo if he can't put his finger on whatever it is that's stopping him getting over the in love hurdle it's going nowhere, but how long to give it? That's the million dollar question...

It is just a word @JeSuisPrest . As it's been said before he shows all the actions of love. Please don't build this up to be a massive thing that could impact the amazing relationship you guys have built up. Go with the flow. As @richdeniro said it's not binary.

@JeSuisPrest do you think he feels it's too early days? Or has he felt it before and this doesn't feel the same? Agree with others, he seems to show it through actions.