Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@JeSuisPrest he probably doesn't know himself what's holding him back. Millions of men out there could tell you they are in love with you after a few months. Will they treat you like a queen and the centre of their world? Will you feel the same as them?

Don't give up something so special.

At the risk of sounding like a twat, this isn't a film, it's real life and he loves you

Ok @JeSuisPrest I'm going to be very blunt. You're arguing semantics. It's nonsense. Why does it matter what words he uses? Plus it's only been a few months. I think you're being a bit dramatic to be crying over this and ending it.

But what do I know? I'm with an emotionally shut down man and have little to give myself. I also don't really believe in "in love" anyway. It's chemicals and kindness really. And long term compatibility.

But he does love you.

@Sunshineandflipflops me personally would need to know the guy I'm seeing is on the same page. Would it not be worse in the long run if you are not? I know these can be difficult conversations but rule 12 really can help if unsure rather now than down the line when you've fallen deeper.

But he does love you.

This is true JeSuis, because if he didn't love you he definitely would have said that he loved you by now

Oh bloody hell jesuis do you think he loves you? Does it need to be love to be great? What is love really other than kindness and chemicals? (bloody stealing that jesuis ) I don’t know 🙈 sounds pretty good anyway and it really hasn’t been that long.

Me and Mr Big are not even Facebook friends after nearly 8 months and he has massively got the feels for me (I like to pretend) 😂😂

Oh JeSuis I can understand why you feel that way. But I think he does love you, and just can't say it. For whatever reason. As well as making more immediate future plans, have you talked about anything else? Moving in together at some point in the future? Not that that is an indicator ... Mr BC loves me and we haven't talked about any of that! But don't split up over it - try to hold your nerve.

Sorry credit to peanuts for kindness and chemicals!

Hello everyone... decided to go back on the apps and I just had a message from someone on happn telling me I can’t be a remainer or brexiter because I’m “a fucking and need to crawl back to my shithole”
Not that it matters but I was born here (and have lived here for half my life).. I gave him a link to an anger management course - saw him online so hopefully read and then blocked...

Haven't been reading the thread but will catch up now. Hope you're all ok!

The anger management link was a great response @midcenturylegs.

I agree with @Peanuthedz, @JeSuisPrest. The semantics do not matter. What matters is that you feel loved and are treated well. You probably kind of know you’re being a bit of a drama queen occasionally over it. And I do mean that gently and kindly.

Although I also want to give MrC a shake over the semantics too. ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’, indeed.

jesuisI can only echo what virtually everyone else has said above. When I split with my ex I read a lot around relationships and everything said don’t listen to what someone says; it’s what they show you that counts. He is showing you that he loves you, even if he can’t say it. Hold your nerve darling.

JeSuis I agree with most of what's been said, actions speak far far louder than words.
But I can also understand why you're emotional about it, because I'd want to know that the other person felt the same way that I did. However that's just our own insecurity messing with us.
I have a certain respect for him not just saying it to keep you happy, it shows a high degree of integrity that is to be admired imo. Doesn't make it easier at the moment but it will mean a hell of a lot more when he does say it 😉

How are you doing @Ant330? Any more from Miss Hair?

Yeah I"m doing ok sunshine thank you. Chatting to 4 women on the apps but not rushing into anything as I've got a full on week before I go away with my son next week, plus I won't go on a date until I know I'm ready as that's not fair.
Coincidentally MissH rang me tonight and we chatted for a bit before I asked why she'd rung me. She said she was feeling bad about how she'd treated me and wanted to see if I was ok. I probably could have been more generous but I told her I wasn't going to tell her it was ok because it wasn't, but that I'm fine. She still can't or won't explain, well certainly not in a way that makes any sense to me. I said I thought she'd made a stupid decision not to even sit down and talk about it, but that's her decision to make and I will respect it.
It did hurt at the time, but it was less than 2 months together and I'm getting over it quicker than I expected tbh.
Think my confidence has just taken a bit of whack, partly because I don't really understand and wonder if it's something I've done or why wasn't I good enough. Yeah it's that last one that stings the most because it's certainly not what I needed after being cheated on!
But after saying the other day that I was only swiping on woman out of my league, I'm now chatting with some of them, so that's making me feel a bit better even if nothing comes of it. One of them is absolutely stunning! Definitely punching 😂
Sorry long post!

Ant nobody is out of your league!

Back from my first date with MrTall&Beardy (6' 5" which when you are are 5' 9" is lovely) and it was fab. Thankfully hadn't friendzoned each other and there was some kissing at the end 🙈 hes asked to see me again wednesday but I've heard that before so we'll see if that transpires 😉

Glad to hear you're doing ok ant and that you have some new irons. Definitely Miss Hair's loss.

Great update never

@ant330 there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, you're a great guy. It just sounds like Miss H had unresolved issues and needed to work on herself before dating.

As for you punching don't even think that! Everyone on this thread can see you're a prize.

Thanks folks. Yeah just need to keep telling myself that, it's hard not to start second guessing when there's no explanation. She did say it's nothing I've done, she knows she's making a stupid decision, apparently she's renowned for it which I didn't know before.

@Ant330 she's using you to get over this. Why are you still talking to her?

My irons are boring me! Too nice. Too pleasant. No connection. Sending me pics of their bland dinners or them at the supermarket 🙈

Found a new one last night who seemed great (alright he is hot and 6.5!), he suggested we go out tonight and then said “you will have to drive to my town (20 miles) I can meet at 9pm. We can have a drink then back to mine!” Ffs none over the convo had been sexual. What is wrong with people. Feck it I am child free so off to Mr Bigs instead!
See thread gang, I am trying to move on 😂

ant glad you’re feeling ok!

never sounds perfect. IF you get bored of him can I have him?

Last nights call actually did me good because it was the first time I realised if she was calling to try and resolve things I didn't want to anymore.
She did say let's speak soon at the end of the call and I replied saying I'm sure we'll bump into each other again. It's perhaps the bit of closure I needed.

@Ant330 I'm glad you're getting there. She really doesn't know what she wants does she? She will regret her decision when she sees you moving on but hopefully you will have moved way past her by then.

Keep talking to others, it's good for the self esteem if nothing else.

I am off for dinner and the cinema tonight with MrSAS before I go to a (very wet) festival this weekend.

@Ant330 I swipe everyone I find attractive which includes 'out of my league' too. But like yourself, I get a few matches, so it's probably all in our heads.

No dates lined up yet though, but I think I'm close. So yay, I've got a few irons 😊

JeSuis then I agree with the others. He does love you, but is struggling to actually say the words.

I have no idea what is holding him back, but I think Ant (btw Ant, no one is out of your league!) is right, when he does say it, he will mean it 100%.

@Ant330 always swipe on people you really fancy. There is absolutely no point in negotiating with yourself when OLD. Aim for the prize!

Right, all of you. I need texting advice. Usually I let men text me. Rather strict about it. However, i have a situation where i can't do it.

An old flame, old friend, has been in touch, we got chatting and he's invited me for a dirty weekend. I have accepted!

But, i am on holiday with a massive group, including my exDH, so he said he won't risk texting me in case my phone is accessible. He asked me to initiate when, where I can.

How often should I do it? Want to keep the intrigue and fun up but not look too keen. Delicate balance 😅