Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thanks both. I see where you're coming from about creating a picture in yr head.

That's so nice to hear it worked out for you stealth

@iris67 - fav'ing and winking are just ways to draw attention to your interest on Match. I would say you should send a message if you are interested in someone. Beware though, Match presents it to the recipient via a screening question - so they may even decline to read beyond that question. I know when I was Match and I sent many more messages than I received. Most of the sent messages went unread, though the Views system did indicate that most of the time the recipient took a look at my profile and went yuk!

Sorry @Iris27 rubbish with numbers !

Gawd I need to develop a thicker skin I think! Thanks 😊

Iris you definitley need a thick skin for online dating! It can be pretty brutal at times! X

It sure is brutal,you may find you need a little break now and then to gather your strength!

I'm chatting to someone,will call him Mr mk,but we wont be able to meet for a good week as I'm away and he has his dd. I'm wondering now if my quick,hour long first dates arent working . Maybe suggesting an activity for half a day would work better and get to know them properly and them me. And be more selective with who I meet( as i do say yes to people when i probably shouldnt ).

@kerkyra the reason I go for a short first date is to eliminate the men who I'm just not interested in in reality or equally they don't like me. If neither of us rule the other out then spending time on an activity could be really good.

Oh I don't say yes to men I am not interested in either

No I don't but sometimes wonder if I should be more open and less judgemental before meeting someone. Last night though told me that I shouldn't!!

Instinct is a fine thing @ohhahhh789

Definitley!!

Actually @Iris27 I was being self deprecating. Don't get me wrong, a thick skin is required but there are loads of genuine reasons why messages go unread: you don't want the same things and it's obvious from your profile e.g. you're looking for something stable, they want casual (but don't actually want to display that) ; you're too short/tall/bald/you g/old/blonde/ginger/bearded/moustachioed/hairy arsed for someone else's tastes; you are outside their preferred range; they are already talking to 22 others and one more would induce a nervous breakdown; you made a grammatical error on your profile; that barechested angling pic with your arm around your cropped ex- just didn't make them drool like you thought it would.

... all issues with them and not your good self !

Mr I has quite randomly switched to title case. Hooray!

Right ladies and gents, experience needed. So as mentioned my Mr B and I had a great date, dtd and he stayed over for breakfast this morning. All good. However, texts have dropped off massively today compared to every other day, this is normal right? I guess as usual I’m overthinking and expecting too much and it’ll all be ok? Tell me it will?!

@FMFL might be just giving you space. Will know tomorrow.
My iron- 7 weeks in- annoyed me for first time today as is pissed off that ex has brought kids back two nights early. I get it but we’ve had 2 weeks. We’ve had 4 nights together this week. He could still come over if he really wanted. Next weekend I’m child free he has his!! God I sometimes think it’d be easier not to bother

Thanks ccgrr I hope it’s just that. We’ll see.

@FMFL He isn’t glued to his phone for one day, it doesn’t mean he suddenly isn’t interested.

All packed for our 7am flight, my kitchen has been fitted while we have been away, so lets hope it’s gone okay, it can’t be a y worse than what was there before. MrNN has confirmed that he can ‘work’ from home on Monday. Maybe he’d like to organise the kitchen!

@FMFL it could be that he’s just having a busy day! Let’s hope he’s not one of those dick heads that cools off after sex!!

Fifth date with Mr Chips yesterday, all is well but I’m dying to be exclusive with him if I’m honest, can’t help feeling it’s too soon for him though! We seem to have got to the part where we’re planning more than one date in advance though, which is really nice

Sorry for the long post
So a year ago my wife left me after 25 years together (she cheated), after 12 months of mooning over her I thought I'd try the apps to see how it went, I was really lucky on Bumble and Tinder and got plenty of matches and conversations - but it it felt like cheating to me, so strange! A few of them wanted to arrange dates quickly and I went out with one of them two nights ago (we'd switched to whatsapp at this point, she said she'd only been on Tinder two weeks and I was the first guy she'd given her number to). I was so nervous before hand and thought I'd push on through to get that first date out of the way and then get off the apps as I didn't feel ready for this.
We met for drinks and it went great, I think we both had a great time, it was a school night and we agreed we had to get home after 3 hours, but when asking for the bill the waitress brought another round of drinks instead, we accepted the drinks and carried on chatting, once we finished them my date ordered another round and we eventually ended the date after 4hrs with a hug. When I got home I sent a message thanking her for the date and saying I'd love to see her again, it was about midnight by then and she didn't reply, which at that late hour I wasn't surprised. I still haven't heard from her, but from her texting style before hand this doesn't concern me really.
I'm surprised about how much I liked her, but bearing in mind this is my first date in so long I understand that there may be other factors involved. I still think I'm not ready for this, but another part of me really would like to see her again.
I don't know whether to text again and try and pursue her or just let her go.
Any advice would be welcome.

@Itsthatnewguy

All the advice you need is on the first post of this thread. I wouldn't follow up, and if she doesn't respond, don't take it personally 👍🏻

@itsthatnewguy if you aren't ready to date again then don't contact her. If you are then I'd wait to Monday and try one more time, perhaps ask her to a film or restaurant you've talked about. If she doesn't reply after that, I'd leave it.

So I ran off from a 2nd sleepover date with mr irish at 2am on friday night. We'd already dtd but a combination of things suddenly put me off the whole idea. I was respectful and told him things weren't right for me and left.

I had one other iron mr cyclist who I didnt reply to for a few hours because I was driving and when I eventually replied....he had blocked me. Sigh

Other chats on the apps I'm just feeling very lacklustre about. Can't seem to really get into them ya know?

Ihavetogo & ohhahh You can hide your FAB profile from everyone, and just have a good nosey around for a while, before (slowly!) allowing people to "see" you. Beware though, whilst there are genuine, respectful guys on there ask me how I know! (go you Bats!), there are quite a few that aren't.

As a single woman, you are spoilt for choice likely to be inundated with weird messages and pictures of er, equipment..

A even thicker skin, and a nose for bullshit is definitely required though...

@supercali77 I know what you mean about not being able to get into chatting with people. I've been back on the apps for a good few weeks now and have moly really chatted to mr 50 miles. I'm just not feeling it!!

I've been thinking about this this morning and I think partly why I'm not feeling it is because I'm pining for my ex. We split up 10 weeks ago. It wasn't a long relationship; 2 years but I loved him all the same. The relationship wasn't right so it was right to end but it doesn't stop me missing him like crazy!! I think he might be seeing someone so there's definitley no going back.

Awhile ago someone posted a phrase that was something along the lines of what your instinct said was wrong in the first place will be the reasons why the relationship ends. Can someone post it again if they are still around?