Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I think it was clear from my body language that I wasn't comfortable and I feel like he didn't respect that. He's just replied saying that he's disappointed as he thinks I'm 'stunning inside and out' and wants me to reconsider!! He says he's not bothered about they money. Oh I feel even worse now. I think I've only ever done this once. Most other times things haven't progressed, it was either them or mutually fizzled out and didn't go any further. Well it's fine now... onwards and upwards. I just don't know if I should reply x

Well done sending the text @ohhahhh it's important to follow your gut feel. Hope you feel better now it's sent.

I don't know if you want to make your profile sound less high maintenance if you feel your self esteem is too low. Maybe your profile is actually providing a good boundary for you as a starting point?

I tried loads with my profile over the last few weeks- and I've gone back to zero info just age and pics, as I was attracting really creepy guys sending the wrong messages.

I've got a few lukewarm irons on the go now, not feeling any spark, but a friend said recently that the irons she has the best banter with tend to under deliver in real life, and actually the slow burn ones are best, so that made me feel more relaxed about my lack of zinging messages.

I've hopefully got my first ever date lined up for next Saturday. He messages like a very respectful work colleague. We've got a lot in common in terms of background, job, kids and location. Only seen one pic so he might be short!!! Very real possibility. But he seems decent enough, so I'm more than willing to give it a go!

@ohhahhh789 well done. I'm murder for seeing the best in everyone and overlooking stuff that my intuition is telling me. I sometimes think I'm too nice/understanding, but I've learned (and really trying hard to put into practice) that it hurts other people's feelings in the long run.

Thanks to @averageguy and @Ant330 giving advice on my profile I have had a little flurry of messages over the past few days! Had a date yesterday with the most condescending man I've ever met. "You probably won't have heard of this, but...." he said, as he kindly mansplained various topics I'm studying for a degree in. He'd said he was unconventional, looking for similar, and when we met he looked me up and down and with an air of surprise said "Oh, you really are alternative are you? Let's see if it's just style and no substance!" Suffice it to say he was the least unconventional man going and we won't be meeting again!

I now have 2 irons, an undertaker and someone I suspect is depressed. Kill me now.

Welcome and good luck to our newbies.

Thanks everyone. I'll have a look at my profile today. I don't want it to say nothing as I want to attract people with substance but maybe it is a bit much!! I'm on POF. What other sites do people recommend?

putastrawwow he sounds delightful!!! 😂

He does sound delightful putastraw!!

Mr I is back. He offered to take me to a beautiful lunch for our first date which we won't be doing. He writes all in lower case. He's not daft so am trying to ignore it.

@JeSuisPrest Mr B stayed over last night... needless to say your words yesterday were going over and over in my head haha! As you all rightly said, I needn’t have stressed...he was lovely, sex x3 was amazing and he has mentioned perhaps meeting during the week if schedules allow!

FMFL 🙌

ginmel why no lunch date?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I only meet for a drink or coffee for first meet. If there's zero chemistry on either side, a drink is long enough.

So after a very disappointing tinder ‘date’ last night I’ve decided to try FAB but feeling abit intimidated by it all, any advice?

Saw MrWow yesterday and he invited me out for a meal with his parents tonight! This is a big thing for him and he's nervous, bless. I'll also see his kids when we attend a concert. We booked separately but agreed to meet up to help each other with the kids.

I feel like its progress at least. Maybe once we've crossed those milestones the rest might fall into place or is that wishful thinking?

I'm a lot like batshit - like my own space but dont want to be on my own forever.

Your last para Alanis - totally get ya on that.

ohhahh - dont feel guilty, forget him and move on.

Anyone on dates tonight, good luck and have fun 😉🍻

Ihavetogo what is FAB?

@putastrawunderbaby I shouldn’t laugh at your expense but that is hilarious! How old is he? I am amazed that someone can be so unself aware? Unless it’s a very poor sense of humour.

@ohhahhh789 I think most people don’t like Match but I have been lucky. Since I signed up in February I have had dates with 4 relatively normal men (no chemistry with 3) and a 3 month relationship with Mr R.

@Ginmel I try not to be too judgy but I’m not sure I could date someone who doesn’t use capitals. Every message would irritate me.

@fmfl I’m glad it went well.

@putastrawunderbaby blimey I would have been tempted to turn around instead or carry on a date if anyone was that rude to me!!!

I’m so tired, I’m a crap sleeper but it’s always worse when I go away. We fly home tomorrow morning, I had forgotten how much I hate sand. I’ve got Monday off work to ‘recover’ which will either be xbox catch up or MrNN if he can ‘work’ from home.

@BatshitCrazyWoman Ah, I’m the opposite, the only time I have lived alone is since this March, it’s been very weird, like being trapped.

Yay FMFL glad it went well. putastraw what an awful sounding bloke! Poor you!

ohhahhh always trust your instincts. Your message was kind, you shouldn't feel bad.

Fab is Fab Swingers - it's an adult site, not just for swinging, it's a good place to find a FWB. I liked it (although am very broad minded). I met Mr BC on there and am now totally loved up ... so you may find more than a casual relationship 😂 One of the best things about meeting him on there is that we're both on the same page sexually.

@stealthninjamum He has a pass at the moment because he is clearly smart. I also don't think this will last long because he has different interests to me (met on fab). A FWB who isn't perfect for me is easier to keep in the friend zone

Mmmm I'm not sure about FAB then as I really don't think casual is for me!! Might have a look on the site and see what I think. What other sites to people use and recommend?

@ohhahhh789 a lot of the same people are on Match that are on POF in my experience and it wasn't worth the subscription.

@stealthninjamum he was in his early 50s so no excuse!!

Hi

I'm a complete newbie to online dating (in fact dating at all) after a breakup of a 20yr relationship. I've just joined match but can you guys give me some tips please?

What's the usual process? You favourite someone and if they favourite you too, you start chatting? Does this usually lead to a date? How long, generally, do you chat for before meeting?

I don't so far like any of the people who've favourited me, but I'm being too chicken to favourite anyone I do like. This is ridiculous right?

Argh the whole thing is terrifying.

Hi iris. In Terms of match I've never used it so can't comment but dating, it is better to meet fairly quickly to prevent creating a picture of someone in your head whose not real. I like to text for a few days and establish some rapport but others don't and prefer to just arrange to meet after a day or 2. I like to know a fair bit about the person and exchange quite a few messages over about 4/5 days before meeting

@Iris27 I found the favouriting / winking thing odd as men would favourite me, I'd start to chat to them and they'd block me! hairyarsedman found this too.

I rarely favourited anyone as I don't think you can unfavourite them, I would just start conversations. Mr R favourited me, I sent the first message and three months later we're still together.

@Iris27 lots of people move the conversation to whatsapp which causes lots of anxieties and some people want a pre date phone call interview.

I bought a second cheap phone which I never used as I felt weird about giving my number out. If anyone asks you anything and you feel uncomfortable about it ask us.