Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Kermit ha shame 😂

sunshine yep living together!!

So at 8:30am the message delivered and he replied straight away telling me he would see me tonight.I replied saying I had intended to text him this morning to tell him I would be late as id forgotten my purse so needed to go home after work for it but didn't because of the message not delivering. He didn't however respond to that part or give any explanation. His last seen was just after he last text so I have no evidence he had been on within that period. It's just very strange and not the norm, although not the first time he just seemed to 'disappear' for the night. I was more worried about this being someone who isn't genuine and would mess me about than not turning up. I did believe he was going to turn up and he did. It was an ok date. Not amazing, I don't think I fancy him. We did talk a lot and seemed comfortable with each other. He's asked to see me again and I've agreed. I will give it another go as I am someone where attraction grows over time but currently I don't think I'm feeling it which is disappointing but the way it goes.

@Sunshineandflipflops ‘Accidentally’, he is firming planting his flag.

Firmly, not firming!

I have been off for a few weeks and I have to catch up on the last two threads, but wanted to update quickly. I am on my way to meet Mr Eyes for that activity that we have in common. Wrote to him after work and we quickly arranged for today!

I must say I sent him the stupidest message right now. I don't want to give up the activity but think of something like him: "bring your ball, mine is not too good", me: "I know, you want to see my ball. But you will need to win a few games to see my best one". Too excited it is embarrassing, need a couple of

And of course, I left MrChef down gently about 2 weeks ago and he accepted quite graciously. But has been sending "PS" texts and sending me likes through the dating app. A bit confusing.

Anyway, weekend is here and I hope you enjoy your dates. Almost getting to mine my non-date.

I bought Mr BC shower gel to use here, as I use soap and he doesn't like it (it's gorgeous Italian triple milled soap, too ...). Other than that he leaves nothing here! I drink Redbush tea so will often bring a few bags with me if I'm staying somewhere - my preference rather than moving in. I wouldn't bring a box and put it in the cupboard though!

I think I'd like to live with someone again although I'm a bit of an introvert and like my space. I was married nearly 30 years but he went out without me (all the time) a lot 😂

So instead of ghosting FWB, I explained why I was very hurt by his doormat comment (him saying i was doormat because i have let my ex get away with not paying maintenance) and other stuff about maybe him not making enough effort. I believe @RickDeckard mentioned:

12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

I think I let loose a lot of resentment at FWB and I don't think we can get back to where we were before. He was very apologetic saying he was looking out for me but I guess I'm in a situation where I'm feeling like I'm being used by different people and I want to get some self respect back. I feel so angry at everything at the moment.

Well I am trying to put a positive spin on telling my best prospect so far to FO if he can't be bothered to reply to me. 1 date, good kisser, went from messaging all day to vague "I'm busy" messages 2x in 4 days. Gutted for him really, as I'm lovely but still a bit of a blow.
Back to the app!

I'm really in two minds about a second date with mr 50 miles today. As well as me just not feeling physically attracted towards him, I just feel like something isn't right. The attraction part I think could grow if the other stuff is right. I've been wracking my brains to try to work out what's holding me back and I think it's how he speaks about his ex. He also hasn't text me since but did say at the end of the date that he'd like to see me again. I can't decide whether to give it a 2nd go or whether to swerve it and move on

Gutted for him really, as I'm lovely

originally yes you are. This is brilliant and I am stealing it!

ohhahhh trust your intuition lovely!

@Alanis41 nice one. I went through very similar with a girlfriend that was critical about how I handled my ex, plus other stuff. If we tried to talk reasonably about stuff, it blew up. She was very lovely and I ignored the warning signs.

@SimonJT weeing on his territory 😆

@ohhahhh789 I think if you're dithering this much, probably not worth it. From my vague memories of dates, you should be excited to see them again

Alanis41 you are right I should be excited and I'm not. I feel alarm bells ringing. Another thing that I thing is making alarm bells ring is that we had a sort of joke agreement that if he won't golf he would get a kiss (his idea not mine, I didn't actually agree). So after he won he asked if he got a kiss so I went to give him a peck I think on the cheek but because of the angle we were stood (me trying to walk forwards and him standing towards me) I wasn't really in the right position and he was clearly going for the lips so I'd intended a peck on the lips. He then pulled me in and said, 'no a proper kiss'. I felt this a bit forceful and like he didn't pick up on my q's that I wasn't comfortable. I think I'm going to text him and decline. God I hate this bit 😬😬

Does this sound ok for a rejection text:
The bit about they money is because I forgot my purse!!

Good morning. Thanks for a lovely date last night. I’ve been thinking it through though and feel that for me something was missing so I’d like to politely decline your offer of a second date. Sorry if you feel I’m messing you about. I’m a reflective person and it’s quite normal for me to reflect on things before making a concrete decision. You seem like a lovely guy so I’m sure the right person is out there somewhere. I don’t want you to think that it was a ploy to get a free date so If you send me your account details I’ll transfer some money towards what you paid last night.
All the best xx

Aahhh he's beat me too it and just text me asking what I want to do today!! Oh god I hate this bit!!

Oh ohhahhh poor you.
Are you talking alot of money that he spent? You sound lovely and conscientious but I'm not sure what I'd do

@ohhahhh789 oh no I’d have to go now if it was me. I couldn’t pull out so late. The kiss sounded quite funny to me and he did mention before so I wouldn’t feel forceful. We are all different though and if you’re gut not feeling it then send reply.

Kerkyra it was probably about £50 he spent so not bucket loads but if I did have my purse I would have contributed. I really don't know what to do 😫😫

Ahh ok,£50 is quite alot! Just send the txt I'd you're definitely not wanting another date.
Or go on the date and see if the spark grows. I wouldn't worry about the odd comment about an ex if it was a one off

ohhahhh send the message, I know it feels a bit brutal but if my recent experiences have taught me anything it's that you need to listen to your intuition and always look after yourself 1st. If you don't want to meet him again then don't.

@ohhahhh789 me personally would just send the text and not go. If I was him, I'd probably appreciate the honesty and no time is wasted.

I'm also not sure I like the sound of him... But that's nowt to do with me

That's both. I keep thinking I need to listen to my intuition. Something doesn't feel right and it's not just about spark. If I did feel attracted though then maybe I'd be more inclined to give it another go but it's just not there. My self esteem is so low so that proposals doesn't help as I have all these feelings of guilt and like I owe him something etc. I'm just not having any luck this time round!! Get plenty of messages but not many I feel I want to reply to, and he's the only one who I've built up some rapport with that's lasted more than about 2 days. I think I've been back on line for about 6/7 weeks. I'm thinking maybe from my profile I look too high maintenance so maybe I'll have a revamp today!!

Eeek it's sent!! 😬😬

Ohhhh I don't like the sound of the kiss. I hate it when men reach in for the wrong sort of kiss too soon. Things were very passionate on my first date with Mr R but I was driving it and he respected my boundaries.