Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Alanis - I can see your situation from both sides tbh. Your FWB gives his money to his ex so he has very little (assuming this) so he is relying on you to pay most of the expenses. I can understand him feeling resentful towards your Ex and came out with the harsh comment. I also understand you feeling down about it, as I think you know you've let your Ex get away with not facing up to his financial obligations. If he can 'afford' to date, then he can afford to pay you maintenance! MrWow pays regular maintenance and is generous when he has his kids. His Ex however seems to resent him having any life, comments on his new clothes, if he's going out, seeing me and on and on. Every one of us has different dynamics with our Ex's and issues arise when someone comments on them. If someone is being fair and reasonable then all good but this rarely is the case.

Hi stealth. With Mr dadbod,I'd only been seeing him a week and was still trying to work out if I really liked him.we had had about four dates prior to him staying over so it was quite intense. I just wasnt used to it and by the time so day came,I needed my space. Also,in the back of my mind,because he had brought some specific teabags over to put in my cupboard,I was thinking ' shit,he is aiming to move in'. And images of the bloke I was seeing last summer came flashing by as he wanted to move in after twelve weeks .
If Mr dadbod was 'the one',or near enough, I would have wanted him to stay all Sunday. Forget the chores and enjoy my time with him.
I know though,that I am emotionally unavailable until my son is older. I really want a full on live in relationship!! But wont put him through that.He has had his father leave and then I lived with someone else who left after five years.So I suppose I go in at full force,then back off and I need to tell anyone I date that i need an exclusive,but more laid back relationship for the next five or six years.

I have a Male friend who goes and stays with his gf most weekends,but prefers to go there as he can 'escape' on a Sunday and come home. When she comes to him,he says he cant get her to leave and she often stays the Sunday night too!
You just need a chat with your bloke and to see how he see's it in his head

@TooOldForThis67 thank you for your wise words. I guess I'm still a little scared of my ex and how he reacts to things so I stay quite passive and grateful that we don't live together anymore. Today was hard as he is introducing him to his new girlfriend but in my eyes, it's the nail in the coffin with regards to me being nice.

With FWB, I don't think he takes advantage but on the flip side, I feel, makes very little effort. I like going to his as it's an escape for me and I don't mind paying for things at times. But I'm thinking whether it's worth explaining why I'm hurt or just ignoring him. I feel like once I start talking, I'm going to let loose completely.

I love spending time with MrSAS BUT the most we have done is 2 nights in a row. Mostly due to children but I also like my own space. I have just down 2 weeks away with family and I can't WAIT to get my own space back!

I really don't know how I was married for 13 years...😂

@Ant330 I will try it’s crazy how much thought I’ve given to the tiniest things...like spare makeup in the bathroom so he doesn’t see me fresh faced so yes I need to stop overthinking.

@FMFL In my opinion, if a guy likes you enough to go to bed with you at night, he should like you enough to not be bothered about seeing you fresh faced in the morning.

Stop overthinking and enjoy!

@FMFL As we've said before - if all goes well, that man will have his face in your fanny - don't worry about what you look like in the morning! He absolutely will not be wondering why you've not woken up looking like you did when you went to bed. If he's sleeps over, he probably wake up and ask if you fancy round 2 (or 3...)

I wear make up but have perfected it so that it looks like I'm not wearing much (but I've got full coverage foundation, blush, eyeliner, mascara, eyebrows done, and lipgloss). If I don't wear it I get asked if I'm ill - I need it just to look human imo . MrC has yet to run screaming from the bedroom when he sees my face naked.

if all goes well, that man will have his face in your fanny

Coffee spat and a few odd looks from my daughter! 😂

Hahahha oh my god laughing so hard at this! The ladies and gents on this thread are just awesome.

Likewise re the spat coffee! Thank you jesuis!

FMFL if anything I’m a massive under thinker but I did have a particular hang up about irons sleeping over, namely morning breath. But I’ve found that is only an issue if at some more serious level there is lack of sympatico, and no amount of pre-thinking or organising or mouthwash can sort that. You really do have go with the flow.

Helpful thought about WhatsApp... If I link my WhatsApp to my smartwatch, I can read the messages without them going to blue ticks. So it looks like I haven't read any of it, but in fact I have just not picked up the phone to reply.
Actually not me, my current iron who seems to have disappeared, but you get the idea?

JeSuis Where is your mind at?

FMFL JeSuis is right though. If you will be dtd, he won't care about makeup or much else

Originallymeonly I thought that if you have popup notifications turned on you could just read the message on the notification without opening WhatsApp, and that this didn't trigger the blue ticks? Can anyone confirm?

@StarryUnicorn

That's right. There's a limit to the amount of characters it'll display on notification sometimes, so you might not be able to read a long message.

@StarryUnicorn can confirm. I can even reply through the notification and not look 'online'....i have tested this. I will not say the full lengths I will go to for covert dating operations

As we've said before - if all goes well, that man will have his face in your fanny - don't worry about what you look like in the morning
Possibly my favourite JeSuisism yet. I wish we'd kept a list of the things you've said on here. It would be great therapy for anyone who needs a laugh.

Hey everyone! Mr T and I are 2 months in! Onwards and upwards everyone!

Kermit congrats but everytime you post about him all I can hear is "I ain't getting on no plane fool" 😂

Ha ha @Ant330 ok will call him by his proper name of MrTall...how're you getting on?

I'm alright now thank you 👍

@Ant330 Me too! If he doesn't look like Mr T I will be so disappointed. Does he drink milk?

I have a new iron I shall call Mr L

Thanks @kerkyra that’s intense, I would need my space too, and the teabags thing is nuts. I still don’t have anything at Mr Rs flat other than a toothbrush as I don’t want to be presumptious and I like smelling of his shower gel and deodorant. I am not averse to the idea of someone eventually moving in but not for many, many years. I have chatted to him but while he reassures me that he likes me a lot (and I can see he does with kind actions) he’s not so good at explaining his feelings.

@fmfl the only makeup I apply overnight / early the next morning is a 12 hour concealer to cover my eye shadows. Mr R always says I look beautiful without any makeup on, little does he know!

@jesuisprest you have such a way with words! Love it!

MrSAS accidentally left his wash bag here a few weeks ago. I had to hide it away as it had lube and a cock ring in. There's no explaining that to inquisitive kids 😂

He forgot his toothbrush once and I have him a spare head for my electric toothbrush so I guess he unofficially has a toothbrush at my house...?!

@Sunshineandflipflops that's pretty much moved in! Can confirm that Mr T doesn't drink milk!