Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@OhSurelyNott could he just be putting up some defenses to stop himself getting hurt? And by doing so is making it look like he's not bothered either way?
If he is it's a stupid thing to do rather than being honest, but it just crossed my mind as another possible reason for his behaviour.
@Savoretti I ended up texting her on Tues night to very tactfully say that I didn't want to hear from her until she was either ready to explain why it was over or to see if I'd meet her to talk things through.
I explained that each time I see a message from her it gets my hopes up which just isn't fair.
She said she understood and would call me, I'm not holding my breath.
I did have a half hearted swipe last night when I was feeling a bit low, but I lasted about 10 mins before giving up as my heart just wasn't in it. I was only swiping right on women completely out of my league 🙄
But two of them did match with me so... 😂
I'm not going to swipe again for a bit, I'll just stick to responding (or not) to the messages and likes I get.

@Savoretti I know!! I loved that line but was already a couple of weeks ahead of you so had dtd to use it!! I am with you with the messaging too. It’s highly unlikely he’d have time for anyone else. But ultimately I’m a negative over thinker sadly
Christmas I am already worried about as my kids will be with their dad. That’s going to be tough! But I did have last year so hey ho!

It's never too early for Christmas!! I love it. I was alone last Christmas though 😕

I have booked in visits to DC and hair appointments up to December ...

@ccgirr overthinking is par for the course for us all I think

@Ant330 good move to text her that I think. Will hopefully make her think about her actions.
And remember - no one is out of your league

Boarding my flight. Ready for snogs at Gatwick. Teenager will just have to avert her eyes

ccgiir it will be my first Christmas away from my kids too. I suppose the price of freedom from twatheads is sharing our lovely kids at special occasions.

Good for you ant and I am sure they are not out of your league!

Mr Big and I are spending NYE together 😂 unless I find a proper boyfriend before then or he fucks it up again! He is such a Mr Unavailable and I know I am fallback girl but it’s kind of working for me at the moment and I am still swiping! He is away for a few days with his kids in an area with terrible phone signal so I’m not expecting to hear from him. It will be odd as in 7 months the longest break in convo we have had is 36 hours!!

Safe flight savoretti

It will be my first Xmas with out my kids too as I had them last year. I don't want to think about it as there's no-one else I want to be with but them on Xmas day ☹️

Even if I am still seeing MrSAS he'll most likely be with his daughter anyway.

I am a bit fed up with the kids after 2 weeks on holiday with them as a single parent but Christmas is for spending with my children 😢

Catching up again. @Ant330 Savoretti is right, you are the prize, remember that. And if they’ve matched with you they obviously think you’re pretty hot!

Date with Mr Bucket tomorrow. I am thinking we’re building up to dtd, which is causing much panic on my part. Don’t get me wrong, I want to, it’s just been so long and I’m a bit older and saggier now! And of course usual worries as to how that’s going to change things. I’m trying to tell myself it’s just sex, not a bloody commitment to marriage, and to enjoy it while it lasts!

@Sunshineandflipflops oh wow these last couple of weeks on my own with primary age dd have been brutal.

@Sunshineandflipflops I hear ya. Ex and I alternate Christmasses and have done since 2012. We do whole weeks too, so no sharing the day. It’s really tough and I miss them terribly when I don’t have them. We have Christmas when they get back.

I try and make my Christmas without them as “adult” as possible. I have spent it with friends, but feel like a bit of a gooseberry. I don’t have my own family to share it with. Waking up alone Christmas morning sucks 😕

I’m hoping this Christmas I’ll spend some of it with Mr Eagle...

Yeah sunshine really trying not to think about it!

My ex doesn't do alternate anythings, he sticks rigidly to the court ordered days so in theory I only miss Christmas day with my son 1/7.

Not sure what’s happening with Christmas with my dd this year. We do every other year, but last year my ex didn’t want her so I got a bonus day , wondering if I can get away with saying it’s my turn and his bad luck for changing his mind last time.

Question. How do you actually get from going out meeting up, meals, walks, etc. to DTD the first time? Is it an artful "I'll cook for you" or is it blunt "come back to mine for sex"?

I wrote a long reply to you all but pressed the wrong button and it disappeared!!
So, short version, yes you are all right! I think I'll give it a couple of weeks and have another convo with him. If he'd never mentioned the L word then we wouldn't be together now. It was such progress at the time and now I feel the same. It's so hard isn't it.

Savoretti - I hope your reunion is sweet

@Originallymeonly for me it was an invitation to stay over at MrSAS's house after a night out and other times it has been a date at my house (movie/food...neither of which happened I don't think).

@Originallymeonly - was it expensive to get a court order for access? I'm wondering if MrWow should get one but maybe he's waiting til he get's his own place
@FMFL - Did he have a good reason for not having her last Xmas? If not, then I'd say, sorry, it was your turn last yr and you let us down.

@Tooold no no reason was given (no work or other major commitments) so yes you’re right I think, his choice not ours (though I was actually punching the air in delight!) so he can suck it up this time.

@Originallymeonly Mr Bucket just came out and asked earlier in the week if we’d be spending the night together! I’m praying he won’t stay the whole night... I like my sleep!

tooold Mr Wow would need to attend mediation first. It’s only if that’s unsuitable (due to abuse) or doesn’t work that he could take ex to court. I think the actual taking to court is cheap it’s if he wants legal representation that it gets expensive! Unless their is a good reason his ex is restricting contact he would probably get 4 nights in 14 without representation as that’s pretty standard. (My silly fucker stbxh took me to courtbut only wanted 3!)

FMFL I love a sleepover if I like them

@toooldforthis67 I had a C100 exemption from mediation due to domestic abuse arrest within 6 months but the court order cost me £215. I self repped but had a mackensie friend, feel free to inbox me for any other questions. It took me 15 months after separation to get Child arrangements order and nearly 2 years after to think about dating. Ex is engaged to his 2nd girlfriend after 6 months together.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 oh I definitely like him! But I’ve only met him twice...he may not like me so much without makeup on haha! It just feels so personal having someone overnight in my house.

Marlbs and Originally - no DA so it should be easyfamous last words. We are coming up to the 3rd Xmas so you'd think things would be amicable by now but no. But on the other side, I still have my STBXH still coming back here for visits. Neither of us are in a great position. Mine will defo change tho, when I sell, probably within 2 yrs.

Hi guys!! Hope all is well!! I need to catch up with the thread as it's been a busy few days!! Ok so I'm supposed to be having a first date with Mr 50 miles tomorrow. I'm finding though that around once a week (although it's been twice this weeks) he 'disappears'. So generally we text every night from mid evening until bed time. The first time he just read my message but didn't respond until the next day, the second time he started texting as normal but didn't respond to my reply then today he text around 7 (2nd text of the day. He text early afternoon but I didn't reply) telling me what he was doing and that he may not reply much tonight but he will see me tomorrow. I reply but the WhatsApp message hasn't delivered but I've seen him on POF so I feel like he's done something to stop receiving messages. Would this ring alarm bells? I really don't want to start dating someone who messes me about bit on the other hand don't know if I'm over reacting?