Dating thread 166: Who dates wins

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

So I may have done something rash after Shiraz was drunk. I made a profile on Luxy. Now people are trying to talk to me! I've only been separated for two months and I'm not in a rush to even go on a physical date. I put I wanted friendship on my profile but I thought chats would be a good way to dip my toe in. Way too scared to physically meet yet.

I love that @Theworldcouldbemymollusc

@Ginmel - you can have it!

Haven't heard of luxy but because you are new you'll be beseiged.

Haha thanks. Not sure I've ever spoken to a guy directly who has said something like that but will remember just in case

@ginmel - I'm not ready to be besieged! It's supposed to be an exclusive app. I can't be arsed with all the tinder dick pics.

Marlbs and Shitwith - I've been overlooking the fact that his future plans don't seem to include me. He's currently living with his parents and wants to find somewhere to rent so he can have his kids over. His ex still lives in their home so he's still tied to that mortgage. I've never met his kids. He's still scared that his ex will stop him seeing them so he doesn't want to rock the boat. It's seemingly ok for his ex have her b/f over to stay but she goes loopy once in a while and threatens to stop him seeing them etc. He's apparently done nothing wrong. She's the one that ended the relationship after her affair was discovered. He sees his kids every Sat til tea time. So, we never spend a whole w/e together. No plans for a mini break etc.

I've kinda got used to the situation for what it is but I guess chatting to my prev b/f and all he'd have to offer has made me think. I guess I need to have a talk to MrWow about it at some point.

Sadly I think the besieging may happen anywhere

Mr E blocked me 😅😂 Not at all bothered. Had ascertained we were after different things even just about what we consider attractive. It is just physical for him initially. I need mental attraction too.

So I've finally plucked up courage to do Old. What a load of weirdos. Chatting to what I thought was a normal guy. He asked for my email address, which I didn't give him. He then blocked me wth! Either that or the conversation swerves straight to sexual innuendo. I'm not a prude & love a bit of banter, but after more than 3 sentances!
Advice please mumsnetters

Yay to Mr Irish supercali and to you getting over, and putting some distance between you and your Mr Unsuitable 👍

I agree it's all about getting of pof.on to what's app and requesting tt pictures or getting d*k pictures.. I got one gentleman that doesn't do
much at all....

Advice please mumsnetters

Raise your standards even higher, block early and with extreme prejudice. Make sure you have not used the word "fun" or similar in your profile. I'm sure others will have more suggestions...

Got to love tinder.

Yesterday I was chatting with a pleasant lady, she mentioned sex but I kept it light hearted. Then shes all keen to chat on the phone, I decline as teenage kids are wondering about.

Then she chats a bit more, she's on her 3rd glass of wine. Asks to phone again says she wants to hear my voice, I say I'll call in a moment I'll stand in the garden and phone when I let the dog out for her late night toilet break.

So then she wants me to talk dirty to her, err no ta, I'm waiting for my dog to have a shit not be the audio track to a drunken flick of the bean.

Then tonight matched with a lady, she asked my hobbies which include cycling, she then starts ranting about how much of a nuisance cyclists are.........unmatch

@HarmlessChap Well it's good to know it's not just the men who are weirdos on Tinder!

I have to say, having heard a lot of experiences on here, I've been quite 'lucky' in that I haven't come across any complete idiots, no dick picks or sex talk (unless I've met them and it's headed that way). Maybe It's something about the way I look!

2 days until I see MrSAS...eek!

I'm so immature. Mr E had blocked me on WhatsApp and fab but not via text dp I could send him a message calling him out. Didn't go over the top but he was rude. Of course I blocked him after I sent the text. Yes I know....

I just wanted the last word.

Hi, completely new to old hoping I can pick up some hints by joining you all.... only been on two days, wondering a bit if it's worth the effort but my friends tell me this is how everyone meets nowadays. Been nearly a year now out of a 18+ year relationship, so lots of learning who I am to come. Not a lot of spare time with small kids, but hoping to fit something in if I find the right guy.

Anyway, been chatting to one guy, he's nice and easy to talk to but can feel he's a bit needy and isn't my usual type... anyway he sent me a friend request on fb last night which freaked me out a bit, turned off the look up by number which I didn't realise was on, but is that usual for someone to do after talking for a day or two?

have joined POF which I'm really struggling with, and bumble which I prefer but really struggle to know what to send as an opener??

@swimmingdory I'd definitely be changing my settings on Facebook and social media sites that's ok if you are seeing each other but a random stranger sending requests when you have just starting chatting is a no from me. Then again some people might not mind this.

As regarding open message I used something out of their profile as a conversation starter

That’s really hard @TooOldForThis67. His situation sounds less than ideal all round. Is (some part of) it perhaps that he’s afraid to talk to you about future plans (which include you) in case you jump ship?

Although it is difficult to see how anyone could make any plans in a situation where he’s indefinitely financially tied to his ex and is letting her use contact with the children to control him. That situation sounds unworkable for all involved (including the children. And there’s no end to it in sight.

You must find yourself biting your tongue a lot.

We've split up before about this @WooMaWang. I guess I'm burying my head in the sand. It doesn't look good does it! He's such a nice bloke tho but now I can't stop thinking about the other guy although if I went with him, it would just be settling I think

tooold sounds like the other bloke is a distraction here - your choice is whether you stick with Mr Wow or not, not whether it’s Mr Wow or Mr Bloke

I agree that MrBloke is a red herring here. You don’t really want him. But you are feeling that MrWow just can’t (or won’t) give you the kind of relationship you want or need - however lovely he is (and however great the sex).

In the longer term, his unwillingness (because it is that) to stand up to his ex and ensure that she cannot use contact as a weapon to get what she wants is likely to become utterly unbearable. Loads of us know about awful and unreasonable exes but there are things he can do to redress the situation. Is he willing to do anything to improve things there?

That sounds really tough tooold it makes you less of a priority in his life to the exw, not deliberately of course but your relationship is being dictated by the exw

I agree with the others TooOld. Also, I dated a 'really nice' guy who, it transpired, had quite a codependent thing going on with his ex. Seemed to put what she wanted above anything. It didn't end well. I'd be wary 😕 ...

I'm wanting to have a 'where is this going' chat with Mr BC. But I think it's a bit early (been together 20 weeks) 😕 In the course of chats, he's said (in passing, I haven't asked!!) that he won't get married again. Which is fine (my marriage, and my divorce) was awful, so I don't set much store by marriage. But I don't know that I want a twice a week, plus holidays, relationship for ever ... I also don't want to waste my time with someone who'll never commit any further. Gah!! Don't really l know what I want, and it is too early for all this! I love him and am in absolutely no doubt that he loves me. I should be happy with that, and wait a bit longer before having any kind of chat shouldn't I? He's now met my family and one of my friends. He hasn't said anything more about me meeting any of his friends ....