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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you ask them to go out for a 3rd time?

143 replies

upupupandaways · 02/08/2019 09:28

They want to keep it casual,don't like you pressuring them.
Have asked them out two weekends running and they said no.
Since then they've text you all day every day,been really flirty,dropped hints about meeting up but haven't asked you.
Now it's the weekend again and nothing.
Would you ask for the 3rd time?
Or leave it up to them and save your self respect and dignity?
Then if nothing by next weekend just mentally draw a line under it and find someone who actually wants the same as you?

OP posts:

WhoIsTheFairestOfThemAll · 03/08/2019 11:08

It's crazy because we actually get on really well.
I thought I was fun to be around ...I thought I was semi attractive.

This is actually fuck all to do with you.

That's how little he cares. The way he is treating you is nothing to do with you. He just doesn't give a shit if he makes you feel bad or if you're upset.

He has such little regard for you that he doesn't care that he is making a fool of you - he is amused by it. He knows he's treating you badly and yet you still come back for more; lapping it up; reading things into his words that you want to see. He's posing himself wondering just how far you will let it go.

Every response you give him is like watching a dying frog twitch to him.

The 5am text isn't because he cares, it's because he's poking the frog with a stick to see if it'll still move.

But you're not going to listen because you're determined to let this make you feel bad about yourself because if you weren't, you'd have (actually) blocked him before it got this far.

You're giving him all of your power and I can guarantee you're going to he cringing with shame and embarrassment at how you have played this at some point in the future. Or at least, you should do.

latexsalesman · 03/08/2019 11:13

Some guys are just dicks op. It's got nothing to do with you, and everything to do with THEM and THEIR fucked up issues.

GoGoGoGoGo · 03/08/2019 11:14

OP do you really think he’s the best you can do? Look at how he’s treating you, you can do better! You deserve better, come on!

WhoIsTheFairestOfThemAll · 03/08/2019 11:16

You need to sort your self esteem out.

Most women would run a mile from this man.

You seem to be enjoying the emotional self harm it provides.

EugenesAxe · 03/08/2019 11:18

Last one. He’s just playing human keepy-uppy because he wants you as a sex reserve.

In fact blow him off entirely; can’t see him ever respecting you.

RonnieScotts · 03/08/2019 11:23

It's not that you aren't good enough!

Men like that (who are emotionally unavailable & like to play cruel hurtful games) can smell weakness and low self esteem a mile away.

He knows the 'type' who will allow him to get away with this sort of thing. You keep reinforcing that you are this weak, by even considering giving him another chance and by texting him again last night (after his nasty sarcastic text yesterday teasing you about drinks and then humiliating you) I am embarrassed for you.

Ignore this mornings text fgs and block his number.

You are too valuable for this loser.

KittyBaxter · 03/08/2019 11:52

Jesus Christ OP.

Block him properly and get some self respect.

Northernsoullover · 03/08/2019 12:02

If it helps OP I am fairly attractive and I know I'm fun to be around. It didn't stop me getting treated like crap when my boundaries were shit. As has been said its not you.

Everafter1 · 03/08/2019 12:33

How attractive looking someone is and how much they have going for them is only a part of it.

How we conduct ourselves is a huge part, that feeds into how we're perceived. If he thinks you're there waiting he will treat you like a door mat.

I think it's fine that you asked to see him, you guys had met up a lot but once he said no once and didn't arrange an alternative I would've backed off.

I would be expecting proper dates until you're official, at least for the majority of meetings. I do think there's something to be said for letting the man take more of a lead with that until it's a bit more stable. That's not being some 1950s submissive woman, it actually gives you more control. Once you enter into always asking him & being rejected you're put in a more vulnerable position. Know your worth, let him pursue you (by him I mean someone else now) you should be made to feel wanted.

FinnBalorsAbs · 03/08/2019 12:44

This is just hideous to read. It’s not you, it’s him. You deserve better. Block him (properly this time) and move on to someone worthy of you.

And don’t listen to your friend’s advice in future unless secretly you just love the drama

howdyalikemenow · 03/08/2019 15:19

Omg op please wise up.

HeadintheiClouds · 03/08/2019 15:24

Have some dignity, op, please. How desperate do you have to be to let someone take the piss out of you like that? He sounds like a nasty little bastard, move on.

Original poster

upupupandaways · 03/08/2019 19:28

I know I sound desperate but we were getting really close.
We message all the time.
He initiates it and when we were together it was great.
Obviously he was just a good game player
They say you blind when you like someone

OP posts:

FinallyHere · 03/08/2019 19:39

so my brain doesn't go into "your not good enough mode"

The way forward here is to be your own source of self esteem. Treat yourself well, be kind to yourself. You deserve it. If you catch anyone being less than really respectful of you as a wonderful human being,, get rid of them from your life.

It might seem a bit odd until you get used to the idea, but the way to self esteem is to treat yourself as you want to be treated.

Trying to build self esteem from how other people treat you just does not work, on any level. You give away your power to people who do not have your best interests at heart.

Try treating yourself well and the world will follow your lead. All the best

Everafter1 · 03/08/2019 19:41

Your judgement is just cloudy because you're in it & it's your feelings.

You have had something but it seems to have fizzled for him. You thought it was going somewhere. You've did all you could, he's said no to meeting multiple times without good reason, never comes up with an alternative plan but will hit you with a 5:30am drunk text. That's disrespectful.

Don't be down on yourself for his behaviour, just take control & don't allow it from now on.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2019 20:03

Op, seriously go find your self respect and self esteem. This man is treating you like shite, absolute shite.

He texted to make you think he was asking you out, knowing he wasn't, likely laughing at your desperation, then sat on his own because he'd rather that than actually see you.

Block his texts too. You must have more self respect than to let someone use you for sex and laugh at you like this.

Jade74 · 03/08/2019 22:04

Is he married OP? Was it OLD? Doesn't sound very invested in actually seeing you I d suggest you move on waste of time

AnneKipanki · 04/08/2019 00:04

You ignore the stuff because you like him so much .
Don't ignore it .

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