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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you ask them to go out for a 3rd time?

143 replies

upupupandaways · 02/08/2019 09:28

They want to keep it casual,don't like you pressuring them.
Have asked them out two weekends running and they said no.
Since then they've text you all day every day,been really flirty,dropped hints about meeting up but haven't asked you.
Now it's the weekend again and nothing.
Would you ask for the 3rd time?
Or leave it up to them and save your self respect and dignity?
Then if nothing by next weekend just mentally draw a line under it and find someone who actually wants the same as you?

OP posts:
Walkmehome · 03/08/2019 08:32

Why didn’t he invite you to his place?

Original poster
upupupandaways · 03/08/2019 08:34

@Walkmehome your guess is as good as mine.
I've been to his a few times and stayed over when his daughter was at his mums house overnight.

OP posts:
FaithInfinity · 03/08/2019 08:35

He’d rather stay in and drink alone than actually make the effort to see you.

I’d text him back saying ‘Take a hint!’ then block him on your phone contacts too.

RandomMess · 03/08/2019 08:35

You're too good for him, too strong, too independent. This is all about putting him in control so he is in charge you are constantly seeking his approval.

He's setting it up to abuse you OR he's just not that into you or is seeing others and doesn't view you as an exclusive "date".

Whatever it is ditch him.

Original poster
upupupandaways · 03/08/2019 08:39

It's crazy because we actually get on really well.
I thought I was fun to be around ...I thought I was semi attractive.
Clearly not in his eyes.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 03/08/2019 08:40

He’s a dick. Ignore and move on. You’re better than him. Nothing you have done wrong.

Everafter1 · 03/08/2019 08:43

So there's really no reason for him not meeting you had he wanted to.

You're better than a drunk text at 5:30am! He's giving scraps. Have you replied? If not, I wouldn't.

He's an ass for doing this. He won't meet you, even when you ask but likes to keep you on the back burner. Purely for himself because you get nothing from that except a glimmer of false hope. Any decent person wouldn't do that. You don't need that in your life. You're so much better.

cccameron · 03/08/2019 08:44

FFS What is the matter with you. Read the thread as if it were a friend or daughter writing your posts. What would you advise them? It's so incredibly frustrating to read. I'm going to be blunt with you because I really think you need it. If this carries on you will get more and more hurt by the cruel gameplaying.
He absolutely is taking the piss out of you. He is sat at home laughing his fucking head off at how he is taking the piss and how you keep falling for it. He's got you dangling on a line and can say whatever he wants and you STILL flirt and beg for a date. The long and short of it is that he thinks you are a cunt. That is all. He will keep you hanging until he is desperate enough for a shag then reel you back in.

I don't believe for one second that you thought that you had blocked him on everything. For some reason you want this goading to continue. Please please find some self respect from somewhere and walk away

thesunwillout · 03/08/2019 08:46

Op don't turn this on yourself for god's sake.
What's the point.
Just end it.

Pinkarsedfly · 03/08/2019 08:50

You’re giving him an awful lot of power, OP.

Why do you care what he, out of all the people in the world, thinks of you?

Everybody on this thread thinks he’s not fit to clean your bog, and none of us even know you.

My guess is, the minute someone else takes an interest you’ll forget this guy instantly. So fuck him off, and allow that to happen.

NabooThatsWho · 03/08/2019 08:55

I mean this kindly OP, you need to work on your self-esteem.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 03/08/2019 09:04

Ffs nobody here is going to give you the answer you are so desperately looking for.
He's an absolute tit. Get some bloody self respect, I'm embarrassed for you.

sparklefarts · 03/08/2019 09:10

What cccameron said. With bells on. Many bells.

historysock · 03/08/2019 09:18

Don't go into self loathing mode because of this knobhead. He likely just wants an ego boost, someone to occasionally knock about with, someone to alleviate his boredom. It's not about you being unattractive, it's about him being not in a place for a relationship (and possibly about him being a bit of a nasty twat but who knows).
Don't overthink it. He's not the right one at the right time for you.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2019 09:24

You "forgot" to block his texts ? Sure you did.

I am cringing for you.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 03/08/2019 09:29

Jeez OP Blush

catwithnohat · 03/08/2019 09:33

He's taking the mickey.

Cut your losses and chalk this one up to experience (speaking from personal experience!)

Fonduefrolics · 03/08/2019 09:33

@upupupandaways after 9 dates, sleepovers and lots of contact you’re probably fairly invested in this man so it’s understandable why you seem reluctant to cut him loose.

I’ve been where you are fairly recently, giving the benefit of doubt to someone who I liked and seemed to like me too (when we actually met). He was a parent too, his children came first - as they should and I had a great deal of respect for that. But when the cancelled dates, the rearranged dates, the ‘we’ll do something soon’ began to make me unhappy and began to trigger my anxiety I had to woman up and end it.

Guess what? I’ve met someone new who wants to spend time with me. We go out, not just back to his for sex. He’s been consistent and there’s no drama. It’s nice.

So, to answer your question, would anyone be hesitant to completely leave it, I would. I’ve given men plenty of chances all my life to the detriment of my own happiness. Put yourself first, be brave, block him, forget about him. Be happy single or available to meet someone deserving of you. This one isn’t a good one I’m afraid.

NewMe2019 · 03/08/2019 09:58

He's playing you OP because he's thriving on your very deperate attention. He's a wanker. But I doubt you'll block his texts anyway and you'll let him keep you dangling.

Northernsoullover · 03/08/2019 10:12

FFS is he the only man in the world? No.

CherryPavlova · 03/08/2019 10:13

You deserve better.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 03/08/2019 10:29

OP - ask yourself why you're addicted to his shit behaviour.

What do you get out of this cycle of rejection?

What did you learn about what a relationship looks like from the family you grew up in?

Which of your parents was unavailable and/or unloving?

Isn't it time you expect more than that? Isn't there a place for consistency?

Skang · 03/08/2019 10:36

He is literally setting you up to knock you down, purposely. Treating you mean to keep you keen when he really has absolutely no intention of having a relationship with you.

Why are you letting him?

Sunshineandflipflops · 03/08/2019 10:48

The guy I am seeing has a 16 year old who lives with him full time. I have two younger children who live with me 60% of the time and yes, it can make time together tricky but we plan carefully, understand each other's situations and he never acts like a dick because of being a single dad.

If a guy likes you, he will want to spend time with you.

AnneKipanki · 03/08/2019 11:07

It's not you , it's him .
Block .
No contact.

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