DP "abused" my credit card and now I have to pay it off to get a mortgage

[Enzavarez]

DP and l have never been equals financially and I've always been ok with that.

We never had a clear conversation about money, although we came with a number we were both comfortable with in terms of a monthly contribution.

So he didn't have to ask for my debit card all the time I gave him a credit card for top up shops and things like that. Well, it turns out we at least spent £2k on things I never authorised.

We're thinking of buying a house and part of being able to secure the mortgage is to clear that credit card. We also need to pay off a loan he had with his exW for a sofa. Both things probably add to about £3k.

I'm at a loss as to what to do next, I can "make" him pay me, but I don't see how that would.work. I could protect myself and add in the title deeds that I gave more deposit and thus more house, but I don't even know if that's possible.

He's really wonderful apart from that, I just need to control his finances as he seems to have the money IQ of a 3 year old.

What you're getting wrong is you're living with a thief and obviously intend to carry on doing so

If you get a mortgage with him then you will have no legal rights to kick him out as he will also own the house. He can stay in the house and refuse to co-operate with selling the house unless you go to court to get him out.

This will take time and cost you £££. More than you will probably save on a mortgage with him. In the meantime you are stuck living in a house with him while going through all this.

In which case I would imagine he won't pay so you will.

Also what if house prices go down. You either can't sell or have to sell at a loss.

Don't be sure he can't get a loan against the house. There are many cases of this happening without the other party knowing.

Not one person on here has said great idea go for it.

How old are you OP? You sound quite young.
You don't need a joint account with this guy for anything. He should pay the amount he's supposed to directly to you. No-one realistically needs access to a joint account to buy the odd loaf, pint of milk etc.
Are you sure he's given you his actual name? For the life of me I don't see how he has a credit report score that high. Ppl get the highest scores because they've taken out significant credit that they've managed without incident. On the kind of income he's told you he has he wouldn't get sizable loans & he certainly couldn't afford to pay them back.
Where was he living when you met? Was he seeing someone/living with them or did he have his own place?

What I don't understand is what's the worse case scenario. Of what I read, he can't get a loan against the house, he can't remortgage. I can also protect the % of interest in the house. So of he fails to pay, I can cover, he gets kicked out, house I sold I recover my stake on it. Or am I getting something wrong?

If he is going to go on the mortgage with you most lenders will insist his name goes on the deeds. He will own the house WITH you - if things go south it will cost you thousands to sell the house if he digs his heels in. You will BOTH be liable for the mortgage.

I fail to see how he can borrow any useful size sum of money on his salary alone if it is not secured as a mortgage - are you thinking he could take out a loan and hand it over to you to use as a deposit?

What are the triggers for the trust? It isn't unusual for the terms of a trust to be changed if the trustee considers a beneficial purchase would be in your best interests. Have you discussed this with your mum OP?

No, he can't take any loans, everything has to be cleared before the mortgage is released. I know he'll be in the title deeds but would put him on a lower percentage than me.

One of the triggers to teh release of ten trust is that my child/children reach school age so the trust can pay for their education

If he lives with you he will get a claim on your share of the house, whether he pays or not. This happened to a friend who owned her house outright. Boyfriend moved in, not married, didn’t pay rent. When they split up he still claimed a share of the house. They are fighting over it at present. Be very careful. The law penalises you for being the responsible higher earner!!!

he always tells me if anything is going to affect his contribution

But not about the £2k plus he stole from you, it seems, and that's just what you know about. He may well not be able to get loans from responsible sources, but they're not the only sort - how do you feel about loan sharks turning up on your doorstep?

He's the most easy going person I know

Try withdrawing your money and bringing his spree to a halt - I think you'll discover he's not so "easy going" after all

@Enzavarez. I posted earlier but I dont know if you read it. You can get a joint applicant/sole proprietor mortgage. That means you can use his income but he is not on the deeds. Metro bank & Barclays do them. Please check them out.

@hadthesnip2 thank you! I'll ask the Broker about them

OP if he's on the title deeds HE HAS AS MUCH RIGHT TO LIVE THERE AS YOU DO.

Think about that for a minute.

He still has joint debt with his ex wife and has run up a £2k debt in your name without a thought.

If you were to separate HE HAS AS MUCH RIGHT TO STAY IN THE HOUSE AS YOU.

Your money would be safe if you set out a percentage share legally when setting up the deed - you would get your share back when you sold the house. BUT it can cost £££THOUSANDS to force the sale of a house if one party refuses. Thousands.

You already don't trust this guy. Add a baby to the mix in a few months and things are going to get tougher still - even the strongest relationships struggle with sleepless nights etc.

PROTECT YOURSELF. Ask your mum if there is enough in the trust to top up the deposit so that you don't have to risk everything. Seek legal advice of your own if necessary - do you know which solicitors set up the trust?

There is enough in the trust to buy a very good house outright, but my mum believes I'd lose it with marriage (regardless of the man) so won't be able to "cash" it for many years to come.

Sadly your mum is probably right. The law is against women (or anyone) owning their own property because the minute they marry their partner is entitled to half a house. Personally I find that outrageous. You don’t even have to marry. A cohabitee can also go after it. The best way to protect yourself is to never marry and never move in a partner. Too late for that. The law is wrong!!!!!! Of course slogging your guts out at work and having half the place stolen off you is also pretty galling.

This man will drain your resources. Your money, your yourh, your time, your patience and your energy.

Adult relationships aren't about managing the immature, selfish and irresponsible behaviour of the other adult.

Please seek independent legal advice about your trust. Even releasing a portion of it to allow you to take out an affordable mortgage so as not to release the whole sum?

Whether you risk it costing you a fortune in the future to force a sale due to him being on the deeds, or losing a fortune if you marry this untrustworthy fella, it's definitely worth investing in an hour of legal advice. This could (should?) be independent of your conveyancing solicitor.

Has your mum got any experience of losing money due to divorce?

No she hasn't lost any money yet, but has remained married to my dad after not being together for 20 odd years to protect her assets. My grandma left her some property and she doesn't want to share it with my dad.