Wtf is going on with dh

[holidayharpie]

I'm currently on holiday. DH has been suffering depression for years and done nothing to help himself despite significant support. I work very long hours and in the run up to the holiday I've been working very long hours for a few months. DC 14 and 16 have been complaining about his behaviour and I have found him difficult. This holiday his behaviour has become bizarre. He's been NC with his parents for 20 years and many of his behaviours are identical to his dads. Examples

1. unable to take any criticism or perceived criticism. This may include a look from dd14 if he flicks sand on her etc, not actually criticism. He flies of the handle, shouting, accusations, storming off.
2. constant threats of leaving the place we are at, the holiday and me.
3. his mouth is constantly hanging open, all day and all night, he didn't do this before.
4. biting his nails, his fingers and scratching his nostrils
5. eating everything, all the food to share, all the snacks etc. Literally stuffing handfuls of crisps etc into iOS mouth. He's always been v slim and was a fitness model, he's looking v out of shape. (I am concerned about him not what he looks like)
6. greedy odd behaviour, ordering 3 courses when everyone's having a snack etc. It doesn't bother me for the money or food, but it's very different to his usual self.
7. sleeping 10+ hours a night and snoring, can't wake up, foul tempered when he wakes up.

What's happening to him? We're all on egg shells in case he has a massive tantrum.
This morning dd wanted a pastry, I said 'oh sorry i think your dad just had the last one' and he went berserk, calling me a liar, saying I was turning everyone against him etc. This was on the veranda of the hotel with other guests around.
It's so hard to manage his moods.
Any ideas?

He needs to see a Dr and he needs to see one fast

Op did you post last year about another trip you were going on and his bad behaviour in the lead up to it?

I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Op did you post last year about another trip you were going on and his bad behaviour in the lead up to it? Apologies if that's not you but there were similarities.

I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Op did you post last year about another trip you were going on and his bad behaviour in the lead up to it? Apologies if that's not you but there were similarities.

I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Op did you post last year about another trip you were going on and his bad behaviour in the lead up to it? Apologies if that's not you but there were similarities.

I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Op did you post last year about another trip you were going on and his bad behaviour in the lead up to it? Apologies if that's not you but there were similarities.

I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Op did you post last year about another trip you were going on and his bad behaviour in the lead up to it? Apologies if that's not you but there were similarities.

I don't know how you've put up with him for so long.

Sorry I'm experiencing the mumsnet gremlins too! Apologies for the multiple posts.

Yes, I did have a thread last year. That's me. He's dragged a full bag of art materials around the Yucatan and not opened it blaming us all for his lack of energy and time.

Last night was great. I don't need him.

I'm so embarrassed by my impotence in dealing with it. I can't believe it's real Somehow.
I'm st the airport now. He ran off so I chased him. Forced his passport and boarding card into his hand and Alex off calmly. Dc and I are in a restaurant.
I think he's a selfish self centred person who's having a breakdown.
I need to act when I get home and not lose myself in work again.

I have my own business and my I

Sorry
I have my own business and set up a charity last year. I also keep animals. I'm so busy. Our entire adult lives been together. I have no experience of being alone. I know I am capable but can I do it? Make him go?
My mum has said she's picking me up from the airport so I don't have to get a taxi. I was quite upset when I text her and she just replied 'I'll be there'
I want my mum.

I find it unbelievable, the kindness you show me. You remember my previous idiocy. You don't judge me.
Thank you xxx

I'm so glad you got what you needed from the holiday. And some clarity for the future.

It is very difficult to leave after a lifetime of being exposed to such fuckery.

I remember your last thread and I'm glad now you have the insight that you do need to end it regardless of guilt, abuse, love, all of it.

Research FOG to help you break free

I’m so glad you managed to live your dream and not let him ruin it.
Please leave him, for you, for your children. He’s ruining your lives.

He needs to get assessed as soon as you get home. You won’t be able to get a GP appointment for a while unless you ring for an emergency on the day appointment. I would either do that, contact your local crisis team or take him to A&E.

I'm glad you're on tour way home. He has his passport, up to him to sort it now

My story is similar op. And I'm a Fixer too.

I have had so much help from mn over the years and here are a couple of things I've learned, from my lovely family too.

1. Life is very hard when you are constantly being attacked from the inside. You get so used to it you don't even know that it is happening.

1. Your stability is your children's stability.

1. If you feel sorry for someone it means that you are taking the action, not them.

1. This... Someone wonderful wrote this to me. 'He feels sad. Good. Sometimes that's what is needed to make change happen.'

1. Boom. One day you are gone. That's it. You really want to drag him through each beautiful day weighing you down with him sabotaging your joy?

Hope that helps?

So delighted you raised the bar and partied with your children. What a wonderful time.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, and no one has the right to judge you - EVER. You are the only one to have walked in your shoes. And anyone who says it’s easy to leave an abusive relationship is talking utter bullshit

I have no experience of being alone.

Yes you do.
You are emotionally alone now.
You are not supported - worse everything you do is sabotaged.
You are doing 3 loads of work - your share, his share and another load where he disrupts what you have done.

Your life will be much easier with out him. Your DC will have you fully and your joy. They won’t have to be stressed and tap dance around the moods of this fool. They deserve better than that. And so do you.

Your Mum and all of your friends and family already know what’s going on and will be ready and waiting for this day to come to support you.

Thank you

@holidayharpie you said you have no experience of being alone, but you ARE alone. He's not making you whole or being a supportive, caring and loving partner. As people said before he may be mentally ill but he's also a prick too. You and your kids deserve so much better and I hope he can get the proper medical care he deserves

You can do it, and I wish you all the best. I agree with PP, you're already alone. Whatever good he once brought to your life, he isn't anymore. You shouldn't live in fear.

No one has any right to judge you.

I've been following the thread and am so pleased for you that you got to experience what you wanted and went on the trip for.

It is so much less lonely actually being alone.

When was the last time you felt truly relaxed in your on home?

Rooting for you holidayharpie. You can do this for you and your dc.

I truly believe you will be happier alone than in this relationship. Like other posters, I don't know what is going on with him. But I'm leaning towards thinking that it actually doesn't matter anymore. You've clearly had years of this and trying to help him. Even if it is all down to MH problems, that does not mean you owe him your never-ending loyalty. You have tried repeatedly, it's OK to come to a point and say no more.