Wtf is going on with dh

[holidayharpie]

I'm currently on holiday. DH has been suffering depression for years and done nothing to help himself despite significant support. I work very long hours and in the run up to the holiday I've been working very long hours for a few months. DC 14 and 16 have been complaining about his behaviour and I have found him difficult. This holiday his behaviour has become bizarre. He's been NC with his parents for 20 years and many of his behaviours are identical to his dads. Examples

1. unable to take any criticism or perceived criticism. This may include a look from dd14 if he flicks sand on her etc, not actually criticism. He flies of the handle, shouting, accusations, storming off.
2. constant threats of leaving the place we are at, the holiday and me.
3. his mouth is constantly hanging open, all day and all night, he didn't do this before.
4. biting his nails, his fingers and scratching his nostrils
5. eating everything, all the food to share, all the snacks etc. Literally stuffing handfuls of crisps etc into iOS mouth. He's always been v slim and was a fitness model, he's looking v out of shape. (I am concerned about him not what he looks like)
6. greedy odd behaviour, ordering 3 courses when everyone's having a snack etc. It doesn't bother me for the money or food, but it's very different to his usual self.
7. sleeping 10+ hours a night and snoring, can't wake up, foul tempered when he wakes up.

What's happening to him? We're all on egg shells in case he has a massive tantrum.
This morning dd wanted a pastry, I said 'oh sorry i think your dad just had the last one' and he went berserk, calling me a liar, saying I was turning everyone against him etc. This was on the veranda of the hotel with other guests around.
It's so hard to manage his moods.
Any ideas?

@holidayharpie you are an inspiration for going for your dream in spite of everything going on around you.
@christmasfluff you are so right about toxic people. I had a horrible email from a relative on my birthday a couple of years ago. There's no way they wouldn't have realised what they were doing. I'm NC and I don't miss the drama of their toxicity.

That's so amazing OP! Well done for making your dream happen despite the extremely difficult circumstances. I'm so glad you had a wonderful day.

On a practical level, if you can convince your husband to seek any medical advice, Cancun has very good doctors that will speak excellent English. (I used to live in Mexico and know the area well) You will be able to get a private consultation for 50 to 100 pounds I would think.

I fucking love Mumsnet. What a fabulous outcome that you were able to focus on what you were there to enjoy whilst the wise ones shored you up for a brighter future.

Onwards and upwards - don't let the bastard(s) grind you down.

So glad you did it. I'm well jell.

I fucking love MN for threads like this and the sheer supportive community here. Glad to hear you had a brill day OP, sounds incredible. OFC we need whale shark pics now

😁😁😁😆😃

Wow look at him, what an amazing experience.

So glad you got your amazing experience !
I have also lived with a similar man - my xh went through various stages of psychosis and medication but he was also (and still is) a selfish, self absorbed twat.
Sometimes you can do no more and have to detach.

❤️
Just wonderful - what an experience

OMG that's amazing!!! Congratulations on making your birthday dreams come true. I am soooooo respectfully jealous!!

Thanks so much
His behaviour yesterday was appalling.We don't have air conditioning where we are staying and he keeping throwing himself around demanding both fans, screaming and shouting. Me and DC went for dinner and all swung in our hammock and had ice creams, totally ignored him. I paid for it when DC went to bed and he started snarling and banging around making a huge fuss. Then he claimed he hadn't taken his medicine for 2 days and it was my fault for not looking after him. This morning he is angry that I am not sympathetic, I am unkind and a bad wife generally. It's so boring.

I read point 5 and 6 and immediately thought - fronto temporal dementia. Plus other behaviour could be construed as disinhibition.

He is determined to sabotage everything you do. Detach emotionally in your head and keep your DC away from him where you can. They have been exposed to enough already and it will have emotionally harmed them even if you don’t see it now. Focus should be in reversing this with professional support before they face life’s challenges.

Now that you've had your wonderful experience, is there any way you can move up departure if he continues? Although I guess it's 'in for a penny, in for a pound' at this point.

Mexico does have a very good health care system if it turns out you have need of it, but hopefully it won't come to that. My brother lived in Baja for years and used it. It's like the NHS but is NOT free for non-citizens. The problem is that even if you have insurance they make non-citizens pay cash up front before they'll treat you or discharge you from a hospital. At least it was that way until DB moved back to the States some years ago.

When do you leave?

I take the same medicine and I'm not an arse to my family.

I take the same medicine and I'm not an arse to my family

How is that relevant, different medications affect people differently. Not everyone who takes anti maleria medication throws them out of planes like the poor girl this week doesn't mean some people dont suffer terrible side effects

No idea if that's the case here but it could be

I so rarely comment on these threads because I generally think there are two sides, and things can sometimes be more complicated. But, you sound wonderful, and interesting, and kind. Don't let this man drag you down with him.

Sending

@holidayharpie could you get consular assistance? You can't be dealing with him for the rest of the holiday . How long until you guys fly home? He's ruining it not only for you but for kids too.

His behaviour today has beggared belief. I can see it all totally objectively and there is sometimes very very wrong. I cannot do this anymore.

How long until you go home?

Do you feel safe with him or do you need to ask for help there?

Do what you have to do to get through the rest of your holiday (unless you can cut it short).

Is there any way you can quietly contact family/friends back home and let them know what's been going on? Would they be able to take you and the DC directly from the airport to stay with them? At least you'd be in a calm and safe environment in which to think things through and make a permanent plan.

I know you’re on holiday and you probably really don’t want to have to think about this, but I’m going to pop a couple of links below which might help you

What to include in your safety packing list - this will help you to gather all your important documents
www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship

Benefits calculator
www.entitledto.co.uk

You’ve just had a significant birthday. Give yourself another present and leave this cuntweasel

So pleased you are seeing things objectively now. How long till you go home?

Do you feel safe?

What a lifelong experience! Amazing, I'm utterly jelly!

Seriously though, harpie, sounds like you know what you're going to do once back home.

What a birthday experience. So happy for you