Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

@chocolateandcash I know how you feel! Sometimes I feel OK and other times I could just collapse with the pain. And we weren’t much longer than you but I know how you feel, even tho it’s a short time you still make an intense connection sometimes. It just clicked so fast, I genuinely thought this was it.

Yes chocolate, it definitely comes in waves, I was great yesterday. Today I just want to talk to him and have been so down. And herb is right, sometimes you click so quick it feels so right

Yeah the other day he came to drop my stuff off and I wanted to talk it through a bit (I had freaked out during the initial break up speech and it was a bit of a blur) and we ended up going for a drive and we still had such a connection, it’s hard to get my head around the fact that we can still click like that and yet he doesn’t love me anymore

@TinselAndKnickers so do I! It's awful! But we will both get through it

@herbsmokedchicken that's exactly it! I have never felt so comfortable around a guy before and I was sooooo sure he was 'the one', he told me the same. I just can't believe how it's ended and how he seems so indifferent and unaffected by it all. Hope you're okay

X

@chocolateandcash yeah it was all so amazing and I still can’t quite believe it’s happened in a way. I’m getting there, I mean compared to Monday I’m way better but don’t seem to have improved much since then really.

*compared to last Monday I mean, he split up with me on the Sunday evening and then I just spent all Sunday night and Monday crying, didn’t sleep, eyes looked like I’d had an allergic reaction

Wow two weeks on Sunday already. Crazy.

@herbsmokedchicken all we can hope for is that each day the pain lessens I suppose 🙏

@chocolateandcash I bloody hope so!

If I make a countdown calendar marking of the days of NC is that defeating the point as it means I will be still focusing on him. For some reason I think it may help

you could always give it a go - maybe one day you’ll look at it and think wow I’ve not thought to tick this off in over a week, and it will show you you’re getting better

@Jenasaurus yeah I think that's a good idea. As herb said you might start to notice that you're not checking it off each week and notice your progress.

Had a big crying sesh before, now just back to feeling blah. It’s so annoying, when when I’m feeling sort of ok there’s just this constant feeling of sadness underneath.

*even when

@herbsmokedchicken that's exactly how I feel, just this constant undertone of sadness no matter what I do.

@chocolateandcash it’s so good to be able to talk to people who are going through this at the same time as me! My friends are doing their best but they are all loved up and busy with lives.

I can’t shake this nasty feeling that what my ex thought was him falling out of love with me was just him not realising that it’s not all butterflies in your stomach all day every day. I can’t say for sure cos I don’t know what’s in his head but just from what he’s said, and I’m not saying that out of hope because he’s just not someone who changes his mind, it’s done.
Like I say, first relationship for both of us. Lessons have been learned. Yes, I’ve entered another calm, philosophical stage and I shall enjoy it whilst it lasts.

@herbsmokedchicken yeah it is really nice to speak to others in the same boat cause it is exactly the same for me, my friends sympathise and are great but they're all partnered up. I also feel like it's all I want to speak about but I feel like I can't as it was such a short relationship. It honestly feels more painful than any long term relationship I've had.

That sounds hard, did you ask him if that were the case when he was breaking up? If it is a case of him mistaking losing the butterflies feeling to falling out of love and he does truly still love you then he will come back to you.

Have you deleted his number or blocked him?

@chocolateandcash yeah it’s just so much better being able to speak about in real time! My friends are lovely but tbh I can feel their patience waning as I’m repeating myself a lot of the time.

I didn’t straight out ask like that as it didn’t really occur to me, it was only later when I was discussing it with my sister and saying about how he had said he wasn’t enjoying texting me so much and stuff and she was like “he does realise there’s not a spark all the time right?” that it occurred to me. But I’ve not raised it with him, as I may well be wrong and if I’m not, it’s something he needs to realise on his own. Just seems crazy that we still connect SO well, and he admits he is still attracted to me and enjoyed spending time with me... We will see. I’m going to live my life assuming he knows what he is talking about and will move on and if he ends up realising he made a mistake, well we will see. I’m not going to let myself wait for him. I could well just be projecting that on to him just because I still can’t get my head around it.

No not deleted or blocked, I am not going to initiate contact but don’t want to cut him out. I may change my mind but right now this is what feels right.

Tbh even typing that out and pressing send makes me doubt myself so I really don’t think he’s going to come back saying he made a mistake!

Yeah I think you're totally right, you have to start healing and the moving on process for your own sanity as he may or may not decide he made a mistake. I know it seems unthinkable just now but you never know, if he comes back you might not be interested anymore.

Yeah I mean there were things about him that annoyed me, maybe in a month I’ll be like oh god I’m well out of there

Nah I think one day I will look back very fondly on our time together even though right now it is so painful.

Can I ask, what reason were you given or would you rather not say?

Been sat watching stupid YouTube videos, thought “what is this odd sensation I can feel on my face?” and realised I was sat there smiling. Not saying there isn’t still the sadness and not saying I won’t be a wreck tomorrow but like...it’s the longest I’ve held a smile in nearly two weeks. Maybe longer tbf cos the week leading up to it I knew something was wrong and I was stressed and sad all that week too. Altho wasn’t expecting it to actually happen!

“he does realise there’s not a spark all the time right?”

This is basically the reason mine gave for leaving, he thinks there should be a constant spark!! He didnt want the comfortable, loving, chilled out relationship that ours had turned into (after the honeymoon period, where it should be really) and my friends have been telling me this, I know this and I've read it on here. He doesnt seem to realise it though and he will probably end up jumping from one person to the next looking for this spark forever.

And he did enjoy texting me all the time, even when we were seeing each other that day, it was constant. And yet! Here I am alone.