Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

Haha yep that’s what im going to do with a little note saying please change your address haha

Welp just had a sobbing session but never mind.

And another one. No one is home so had one those proper sobbing sessions where you just let it out and chat to yourself and all sorts.

I’ve never been anyone’s number one. I was always the friend that accidentally got left out of plans and just wasn’t as liked or as much of a priority. But with A, i was his priority, I was his favourite person. I was important to him. And even he didn’t stick around. It is so unfair, sixteen years of being alone and trying and wanting to be with someone, I thought that was worth it if it meant I found him. It was as good as I thought it would be and then nine months later it was over. And I know it’s ridiculous to say it’s not fair because life isn’t fair, but it really isn’t fucking fair. And I feel pathetic coz I know so many things happen to people that are so horrendous but this is my life and right now it’s shit

Hugs herbs. You'll feel better for it.
I'm strangely calm this evening. I hope it lasts.

As you have given me advice, which I appreciate, I'll do the same for you.
You now have some space in your life and even though you probably feel a bit weak physically, it might be a good time to start exercising. I'm not saying anything about your appearance but something like weights, spinning, salsa or zumba or any class like that would make you feel better about yourself. It doesn't matter if you are more Ann Widdecombe than Jessica Ennis or whoever, you'll get out, do something that gives you endorphins or just fun.
In my last breakup, I was encouraged to do body pump, and although I hated it, I soon realised that it was an hour that I didn't spend thinking about XP. About three classes in I noticed was starting to get some tone and as the classes went on I felt stronger mentally and physically.

It probably reads like the last thing that you want to do, but if you give it a go stick do it twice a week for at least 3 weeks, preferably 6 or more.

stick to it not stick do it

Yes it's shit but you don't want to end up like me. I am old enough to know better.

And you don't have to be anyone's number 1. Be your own number one. Build your self-esteem. You're a good and kind person.

Aww thanks broken . I have been meaning to get exercising but genuinely keep forgetting! I’m trying to make an effort to read more so at least I’m exercising my brain? Used to read all the time then the last few years not so much so trying to get back into it. Feeling better now but tbh I think the times I feel better are when I go back into denial. And then it hits me again. Ugh. Oh well. Supposed to be seeing my best friend tomorrow, will be the first time we’ve seen each other in person in ages, but I have this feeling like she is going to cancel.

Oh herb in a none creepy way I wish I could give you a massive hug.

It is right and we all need to make ourselves a priority. Number 1 team us.

Don't shout out me..... I caved and went to see him.
I got my closure. I really didn't expect him to see me let alone speak to me.
He wasn't up for answering my questions at first but I assured him this was not about me begging. It was about me moving on.

He answered my questions sort of and I got to say how his reasons for dumping me would never have been mine. I loved

I’m glad it helped! Almost a week after DP and I split, he came round to drop off my stuff and I asked if we could have a chat about it all, we actually ended up going for a drive and having a weirdly good time and I do feel it helped even tho I still hurt so much. Wasn’t closure exactly as I still can’t help having a little bit of hope but it meant the last time we spoke was on a friendly note rather than the horrible upset way we had originally ended things.

Naughty Penny! Only joking, if you feel better for it then well done, I think it was brave and we're proud! Of course we're still here

I have only just gone and eaten a Galaxy Ripple!!

Not real food I know but 3 days surviving on coffee and cigs it's the first solid thing I have taken in.

I am replaying the conversation in my head and although I am upset by his reasons I am not devestated... More angry that he dumped me because he's stressed about work and money.
I don't want to be with a man that sees me as baggage.

At least it's something Penny. I have eaten ok today which I'm sure helps.
It's getting towards bedtime, and I wish I could remember what he said to me on the phone the last time I spoke to him but whatever it was it was it was probably nasty. He was with some pals I'd not met and he spat into the phone that the reason I'd not met them was...
Does it even bear thinking about?

I read too herbs. Not read a novel for a while. Time to change that I think. Sorry for the lecture earlier but it would help.

I am pleased you have eatenBroken. I have realised not eating was a way of punishing myself for being such a bad girlfriend that he dumped me. When in fact its was never my fault. Its not any of our faults.
We should all cook our favourite meal and sit down and have a virtual dinner party 🤣🤣

One of the questions I was determined to ask was do you miss me? I ended up not asking that question. It's like I forgot or maybe it wasn't important anymore. I don't think I care if he misses me or not now.

That’s sounding positive penny, hopefully that attitude sticks around!

I’m feeling ok again now but let’s see how long it lasts! Normally I’m desperate for summer to last (not that it’s been good weather lately) but now I’m like can it just be winter already? Cos hopefully by then I’ll be ok...

I really am trying to do all the right things but today and tonight has not been good for me.
Since I’ve posted his mail through his brothers door I’ve got a pain in my chest.
Don’t want to feel like this anymore. I know I won’t feel like this one day but it scares me to think I will. Isn’t that just pathetic.
How’s everyone else tonight

I feel worried, because (don't tell me off!!!!) I've been keeping up with his social media activity etc and he's not been online at all today. Not even on Facebook and I know he checks that every morning and evening he's not a party goer or wild. And the parcel for his sister also got delivered today so wonder what he thinks of that. He will probably know it's me.

There's a million things going through my head - he's upset, he's seeing someone else (unlikely), his phone is broken, family emergency, gone wild and gone out?!? I know it's none of my business but the not knowing anything is killing me!

Would you consider blocking him on Facebook so you can’t see what he’s doing as the unknown does hurt for some reason and the checking up does too. I’ve blocked mine off everything because I can’t bear to see what’s going on. I do wonder if he thinks of me, it’s normal isn’t it or are men different in that way.
I think it will only prolong the grief knowing what he’s up to. My days are turning in to blurs. Been 4 weeks since we split and I feel it’s getting harder not easier.
Life is so shit sometimes. Sorry to moan on but I’m having a bit of a hard time tonight.

I can't do that love him too much. So shit because there's no bad feelings between us!

We'll be okay. It's still fresh

I'm a pretty strong person but tonight I feel like absolute shit. I'm tempted to get in my car and go to his house, wake up his parents up and just cry to him

Obviously I won't as that's ducking insane! And there's no logical reason to do so, but I miss him so much I hope he's missing me and I still have hope for the future, which is wrong as he IS NOT going to change his mind and the sooner I get that into my thick head the better.

That's the problem, I KNOW realistically all this stuff. But I don't believe it, or I'm playing dumb?! Do I like suffering?!

Morning all. Sorry I haven't RTFT but I'm too tired to focus too much. As of 3pm yesterday I am a 28 year old single mother to almost 16 month old DS. Ex decided that he isn't in love with me and has basically been floating through our relationship thinking that he'll be happy if I'm happy. Only he's not happy and he's only just plucked up the balls to say it.

Think the trigger was TTC #2. He realised that I was serious (have had my implant removed - he agreed!) and he's bailed before he gets himself into an even bigger hole. Kind of respect that cuz I'd hate him even more if he'd left me a single mum of two.

Haven't slept a wink. My eyes hurt, my head hurts, my heart hurts...don't really know what to do with myself anymore...well and truly joining the pity party

Morning all. So much for being calm yesterday.
So tired and miserable today.
Hope you are ok.

Hey @MissYeti, welcome. I have a sort of similar situation to you in that ex realised he wasn’t in love with me, but we were a lot earlier on in our relationship. No kids or anything. And it’s sonhard isn’t it, knowing you still love them and they don’t love you.

broken sorry you’re not feeling great. I’m tired too. Still first thing I think of when I wake up.

How’s everyone else doing?

Well I have my ex muted/unfollowed on social media (not blocked yet :() but somehow accidentally ended up seeing an instagram post of his yesterday :( it didnt have her in it or anything but he was and someone had to have taken the photo. Now I'm just sad as I've seen his face and miss him even more. Stupid instagram.

Wearing the jumper I wore when we went on our second date and became an official couple - not for sentimental reasons or anything, was just first thing I grabbed, but makes me feel sad remembering. I fancied him for months and then we finally got together and that night was so amazing, I couldn’t believe that for once I’d actually gotten what I wanted. And now it’s gone again!

@TinselAndKnickers I know what you mean about having hope for the future - it’s like I know it’s over, but I don’t actually believe it yet which probably isn’t helping my healing process.

Ah jonsnow that sucks about the post! I don’t have mine muted (yes, I know I should) and he posted a picture of himself on Monday and he looked gorgeous. I know a family member will have taken the photo so not worried about that but he just looked so lovely and gave me a pang. Especially as I saw it the same time as everyone else, whereas before he would have sent it to me, I’d have sent back heart eyes emojis, that kind of thing. Just another reminder that I’m just some person that he knows now.