Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

*back in

Fucking hell I want him to come back.

If the future you could send a message back I bet it would not be take him back. I bet it would say that you will be fine with time and after healing better than you were with him.

I'm about four years on (cheated on and left with DC), it honestly get better when you heal as an individual. I am a stronger and more relaxed and flexible person. No easy way through it, chin up

Another night of not enough sleep. Went to bed then felt angry so couldn't sleep.
There is probably truth in what Chocmallows posted.

Morning all.

That was my first thought when I woke up too Tinsel.
I know he's happily getting on with his life and he does not have a single thought about me. The pain is unbareable.

I have got to get through another day at work and I just want to curl up on the sofa and cry.
DC are back from their dads so at least I won't be on my own anymore.

I think you’re right @Chocmallows I do think in time I’ll see it wasn’t meant to be, but hard when right now all I can think of is how much I miss him...

That was my first thought when I woke up tooTinsel.
I know he's happily getting on with his life and he does not have a single thought about me. The pain is unbareable.

Same here. Just feel so miserable. It's been 8 weeks and I want him back more than ever.

Hi,
I'm about 5 weeks into mine (on and off for 6 months). And I am certainly not over it, but you will start feeling better !
I have been to counselling and I am considering anti-depressants, but I sleep well, my diet is fine, I laugh, I smile, I have moments where I realised I haven't even thought of him.
When he ended it online I sent a kind positive reply and got a thumbs up in return.
He told me, 'why are you even upset ? We werent even official anyway'.
Had a massive go at me for deleting him to help me move on, then deliberately didn't accept me when I offered to re add him.
Messaged my best friend who he doesnt even know (after 1 week of NC) asking if im 'normally a bit crazy' and many more.
Totally agree that it's not possible to just turn off feelings even if the person was horrible to you.
Even if they seem like they have it's maybe just out of guilt or to try and quash any hope.
Hang in there everyone, I know I can get over this fully, and you can all too, I have hope. 🧚‍♂️💪

After years, 6 months of me asking what was going on, the one text and one phone call and it's over. I could do something that would hurt him - but I would need to know that it is truly over first. Am I being petty?

brokenhearted as tempting as it would be, I’d avoid it. I don’t think it would make you feel better in the long run. Better to just...walk away. Leave it. Keep your head held high.

Although what is it?

I did the petty thing and it backfired on me. It didn't hurt him at all and it seems he's come out of it smelling of roses.

I just want him to feel the PAIN I feel but he never will because he stopped loving me long ago.
Now I want new woman to break his heart but he's a bastard so that will never happen.

Don't really want to say, lest my keystrokes be tracked. Have a look at my username.

Anyone got to the stage where they have a new gf yet? When will the pain go away.

Mine is texting someone else so most likely will be in a relationship in the next few months. I’m expecting it. He doesn’t like being on his own.
I can’t understand how men can move on so quickly. Feeling crap. Just got to work. Was doing ok and now feel shit.

Ariana mine left me for the OW, after meeting her for one day and kissing her that evening. That was 8 weeks ago and presumably he's still with her (I have him hidden on social media) It's honestly the most painful and destroying thing I've gone though, knowing I'm hurting this much but he's off happy with her, who he barely even knew. Threw our relationship away because of having his head turned. It's truly awful.

I saw this thread and it reminded me how hurt I felt that my ex was building another life with OW, while I was left with DC. I remember the agony, but it is in the past now as I have my own new life. He may have dumped me, moved on straight away, but I wouldn't swap my life now to go back with him. I can't tell my old self this, but can say some of the messages my therapist said that helped:

Re find your own identity - likes and morals, what matters to you?

You didn't get to this place of pain without help...be realistic this person causing you pain is not on your side and you will probably never get all the answers behind lies you are/were told.

Expect negative feelings to happen and recirculate rather than just end, particularly at significant dates (e.g. Christmas).

On a side note, best form of revenge is to take the retaliation energy and do something for you rather than spend on ex.

Mine had an OW or an EA. I just hopes that she turns him down, but I didn't did I.

Chocmallows posting wisdom again. Much better to hold one's head high.
OW/EA was I think an old aqcuaintance who came out of an LTR about 2 yrs ago. Flags I ignored for the last 18 months. Got suspicious and confronted him and I got a new UN for my trouble.
I could follow it up.

I kept our break up secret for the last 5 weeks as I was in shock/embaressed but today I have told 2 people who we both knew as they asked how he was. I decided not to lie or put a brave face on it so I said it as it is.

Both people were shocked. They said they thought he was smitten and cannot believe he has treated me this badly. Both said I can do better and do deserve better which is nice to hear.

They don't socialise with him so he will never know they know what he did but the picture he painted of himself to others is now tainted.

What did he do Penny? And what was your revenge?

I found out he's been driving his car with no tax or mot so I reported him to DVLA last week. I had a thread in AIBU which I NC for 🤣
I saw him in his car yesterday so seems nothing was done but this morning my DS so him while he was at the bus stop in a new car. So he's come up smelling of roses it seems. While I just feel shitter.

Good on you Penny. Maybe he was in a hire car.
It must be so difficult for you having to see him.

It's hard telling people isn't it. Unless they've been there they have no idea what it's like. I hope you have some good friends.

Yeah I have only told my close friends and my mum told my family for me. Everyone else I will just say if they ask after him. I imagine a lot of people will have twigged due to the lack of tagged posts or photos on Facebook.

Good on you Penny. Maybe he was in a hire car.

I doubt it. It could be his new girlfriends car which makes me feel even shitter.

That's funny Penny hope he gets done.

It's my ex's sisters birthday on Sunday and we were pretty good friends. I'd bought her a really personal gift that I want her to have, and my ex knows I'm always good at birthdays etc so my options were:

Text him and look like I'm using it as an excuse to talk, drop it off at his house or post it, so I sent it via Royal Mail and it's been delivered today!! I feel sick with anxiety wondering if I made the right choice.