Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

Feeling sad today too, really badly missing him. It's like a pull inside me wanting to go towards him. But I know he will never speak to me or see me again.

Yeah I know what you mean about the pull, want to text him so much. In my case he’d happily reply and chat, think he’d be pleased to hear from me but I know for him I’m back in my friend box and he’s not at that stage for me so won’t be messaging him any time soon.

On my fb memories today came up with some posts about my cat. My cat made it to 20 years before leaving us and for weeks after, I kept seeing her out the corner of my eye, kept desperately missing her. But then I got used to it and now, I think of her fondly but I don’t miss her anymore or get sad. I know animals and people are different but if I can get over a loved cat I had for 20 years, I can get over a guy I dated for 9 months.

Two weeks today. After months and months of wondering what was going on.

I've not heard from him since. I wish he was missing me.

I wish he was missing me too :( although we will never know what is going on in their heads, maybe they do but know it's best not to contact (probably not in my case with him being with someone!)
Talking of cats, for the first few weeks everytime mine heard a car pull up playing loud music he would run to the window looking for my ex because he liked him, felt so sorry for my cat

I want mine to miss me.
I know he's not because it's clear he checked out of our relationship some months ago so he's already over me.

He will never contact me either so it's hopeless to even fantasise that he will wake up and want me.

He usually will contact me but I don't think he will this time.
Normally, if we 'split up' I'd be OK because I knew he loved me.
Now I think he loves someone else.
Nobody loves ME

Haven't posted in here for a while but today is a hard day You'd think as the break up was my call, it'd be easier, but it isn't. Ex DP is refusing to take over our lease in his name until December, so I'm going to have to stay living with him until then as I can't afford two rents. Absolutely dreading moving back in and being around him for over three months. I'm feeling such a strange mix of emotions - anger at how patronising he's been towards me, how he's managed to basically blackmail me into staying, anger at him that he couldn't control his temper around me more and made me leave. Sadness and longing for the relationship we had before. Missing him and his family and all of the millions of good things that there were about us as a couple. Mental exhaustion at turning all of this over in my head constantly, all day and all night, having to tell the story over and over again to friends and colleagues, having to get through every day trying to be strong but feeling sick and like I'm staring into an abyss I have basically thrown myself into. Why did it have to be like this?

I will read everyone else’s responses properly at lunch but right now all I can think is, does he even know what day it is? Ten months we should be celebrating today. Bet he would have picked me up from my late shift for dinner. And instead I got to go home alone.

I think the relationship between my partner and I has come to the end of the road. I wrote this, this morning

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3664283-Thinking-about-breaking-up-with-partner-need-advice

I think it might be time for me to pull the plug here on this one.

Hello.
My DH and i are now neariy 5 weeks separated. Instigated by me.
We'd drifted apart massively. We did nothing as a couple and he had even given up work due to chronic illness. So EVERY responsibility was mine.
Working, kid's, everything. With no coupleness or support to fall back on.
I asked him to leave and he did.

Now 5 weeks later im a mess. I've lived my whole life with him. All my 20s and 30s and half my 40s. I literally don't know if I've done the right thing.
He's distraught. Contacting me asking to reconcile, telling me he loves me, apologising etc.
I honestly don't know what to do.
I don't even know if I've done right or if i should just accept a half life with him because it's so tiring trying to build a new one!
Will this get easier?

Sheep, you think so don't you. I'd give up I think.

Ugh, I feel really down today. I seem to have no confidence.

I think without sex we are just friends. The holiday, I think is the nail in the coffin. No sex since January. A week together on holidays with no sexual bonding.

I feel so lonely and friendless. He was in my thoughts all the time.
He still is but not in a good way.
I feel so hopeless.

Brokenhearted

When you get into a relationship with someone, you spend a lot of time with them and have fun and enjoy each others company. After a break up, there's a gap or a void in your life where he used to be. What you need to do is fill in your time. Look after yourself. Concentrate on yourself. With a break up, one door closes but I believe another door opens. Pick up a hobby. Learn something new. Do something new.

Can I join please? I'm four months in. We'd been together 5 years.

Instigated by me but he didn't really put up much of a fight. We tried being friends for a while but I was finding it too hard to move on so cut contact. Managed two weeks and was feeling much better. Had to see him at the weekend and now I feel crap again. For some stupid reason I text him this morning telling him I miss him. He's ignored the message and now I feel 100 times worse.

to everyone else going through this too, it's crap.

I’m not being very supportive at the mo, haven’t been able to properly read everyone’s comments, I will do soon! But he strong everyone, we got this!

Feeling really anxious - think he’s back from his trip and convinced he’s going to pop up on the dating apps. The thought makes me feel sick but guess it’ll help me move on? I’d be lying if I said I had my online profiles up for any other reason than seeing if he is on there. Maybe once I’ve seen him I’ll set mine up properly.

Thanks Sheep.
There is a big gap in my life but I'm not in the right frame of mind to socialise at the moment, unfortunately, and I'm barely functioning.
Phone's just rung 3 times. Not him.

I feel like there's a big gap too. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much, just want him here with me constantly.

It’s just so shit, you get so used to talking with someone every day and being a part of their life and then it just stops? And not because they’re dead, just because they don’t want you in their lives anymore. And you’ve got to somehow get used to them not being there.

Well girls I’ve gone back to work. Sat here thinking I’m really distracted and having to tell my work colleagues the reasons and my split with my husband.
I’ve got a plan so I’m going to go running tonight. Then I’m going to go and see a friend. I can’t keep moping about feeling that void.
Haven’t eaten again today but still got that underlying sadness and it’s going to be there.
You might not think it but you are all doing so well. Survived another day so to speak.
It’s soo so hard. I’ve gone no contact so I don’t have the urge to keep looking at my phone and especially when he told me he’s talking to someone else.
I can’t even think about dating at the moment or text anyone. Time out for myself. Nights are the worse. But need to do something else to fill that void at night time.
It’s a lonely time x

Well done Pittlepops.
I'm trying to work but furious with him for abusing my trust.
If only I could think about something else apart from how he has broken me.

Oh god I miss him so fucking much!!! I hate this. I just want him to realise he was mistaken and he loves me after all. Why doesn’t he love me? I love him so much, why wasn’t that enough?

Thanks for typing that herb it saved me typing exactly the same thing ☹️

However we are nearly through another day and we are still breathing in and out so yay us x

True! Been nervous all day and anxiety lump is back in my throat. Asked my friends if they were free tomorrow but they weren’t and ended up running to loo to sob - have had a few little cries today but that was the first sob. Won’t tell them that tho, not their fault they are busy!