Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

I'm at rock bottom right now. Dumped because he had no respect for my boundaries and thought he could spend time with another woman. He's probably her safe fun male friend, great company but not boyfriend material. What an arsehole.

That's the worst herbsmokedchicken , it's as if they can completley detatch.
It's like the relationship never happened, how can men do this!?

Just remember eventually we will feel the same, just have to ride out this shit time.

I feel so much better when I'm angry but I can't seem to sustain it!

I wish I could get angry, I feel like I’d get some decent housework done!

It sucks because I miss just being in a relationship as well as missing him. So part of me wants to move on so I can have that again except all I want is him. I’m not just saying this with hindsight as part of the drama, I’ve genuinely never fancied or connected with someone the way I did with him.

Right! What’s everyone’s plans for the weekend? I want to get some housework done, feel a bit productive, and going to a local pub for dinner with my family tomorrow evening.

I have a meetup planned with someone I met online. He knows about my current situation and we are meeting as potential friends/possible date.
That sounds a bit scary doesn't it. He is aware that I am vulnerable.
I have contacted him via a website and whatsapp.
He seems genuine but he is seriously into martial arts.
I am aware that he could be married, a weirdo or whatever.
We're just meeting for a coffee in a public place. It should be ok.
TBH just having someone to talk to the past few days has been a godsend as I have nobody to speak to.

If you don't hear from me it could be because of a broadband failure or something but I will try to report back on Saturday evening.

I'm out tomorrow and joining gym in the morning!! I've put my whole life on hold and need to get back out there!

Plans sound love herb, I think even if we force ourselves getting out will do us good!

I am wiped out today. My mind keeps thinking about the things I kept asking ExDP. Who was at X? Was she there? Why didn't he want me there, did he take someone else or was she going anyway...
All of it was probably true and he denied it. The lies have been going on for at least 16 months, but I only suspected about 7 months ago.
Even last week he was telling me he loved me yet he's been up to something with her. Even if it was just going round to hers for coffee or something it was crossing boundaries.

Hope it goes well brokenhearted! Hopefully you will make a new friend! I def need to make more friends, I didn’t notice when I was with A but now I remember how lonely I was.

bebe gym sounds good! I’m going to try and get out for a nice walk if the weather isn’t too wild. I moped so much on my two weeks off but now I need to get into gear.

Sorry brokenhearted missed your next post. My situation is different to yours but I know the feeling of just not having any answers and it’s horrible

Well I have the strength now to completely say fuck him and mean it. I’ve texted my sister in law and showed her what he put and she’s disgusted.
I’m fake tanning tonight, going out tomorrow with my girlie mates and letting my hair down.
I am not going to cry over him anymore. He sealed the deal when he told me that today. And I’m taking my rings off.
And I’m also gonna start the gym and swimming. And everything else I’ve always wanted to do. Fuck him and fuck women (for now anyway)
@BrokenHeartedAndBruised have fun but just remember you are vulnerable.
Loving hearing people are feeling a little more positive xx

Sorry that meant to say fuck him and fuck MEN haha not women haha

Haha right on Pittle! Good for you. I put on some slap and. took some nice selfies for social media yesterday and it felt really good to do something nice for myself

Thanks herb, he seems nice.
The answers are irrelevant now. XDP knew that I wasn't happy about him being friends with this woman, yet she's ' so nice ' . When I caught him out and txted "you were with her" he txted back " F* off, psycho ".
He shouted "Psychopath" down the phone at me in front of his friends.
You do not do those things to someone you love.

As I had pointed out to me on another thread, I can't dictate who a DP is friends with, but ... all I did was point out that he was with her in a text.
Had I said it in person I might have had to change my username to from Bruised to BrokenBones.

I just dont get how men can switch off their feelings like they do?! Yelling that you're a psychopath, when he was saying not that long ago that he loved you. What is wrong with them?! Is it that easy for them to compartmentalise everything?

It’s bizarre isn’t it! I’m not asking but I’m pretty sure A is basically fine now. Could probably quite happily be friends. And yet a few weeks ago he was madly in love with me.

Men will love to make you the baddie. That’s what they do. We all need to be strong now.
Makeup on and upload to social media is a great thing-might do that tomorrow myself.
I’m going to work on myself for myself.
It’s going to be hard because I’ve got to think about a divorce yet but I’ll do that another day. Tonight I’m going to have a purple violet gin, and take my wedding ring off and maybe watch Bridget Jones hahahahaha

Maybe he did love me but not enough. He knew he was disrespecting boundaries.

Thanks Jonsnow. I think they can. He is very good at deflecting. All the accusations of me being secretive.
For example, he has a health problem, probably caused or made worse by his lifestyle choices, but my suggestion that he lost weight got me accused of being fattist. He's thrown the fattist accusation at me more than once, and once when he was blocking the aisle in a bar and the barista couldn't get past -he said the barista had a problem with people who weren't normal weight.
I was a bit put off by his weight, never really felt at ease touching his belly. We're talking at a guess about 4 st overweight mainly belly.

What i think happened is that the friend/OW became newly single about 2 years or so ago, and because she was in his circle of friends she might have cried on his shoulder. He liked the attention and became puppy eyed. My guess is that he's a fat and jolly friend and he thinks she's adorable.

I trusted him completely until he called me by her name on the phone about 6 months ago. I started a thread about it.

I started another thread in I think March, but I was in a distressed state (clue is in my UN) and the saturday night MN posters got on it.
Most of the posts were of the LTB kind, but some post were about me having MH issues. I don't other than I've spent months thinking that exDP was up to something and him denying it. And yes I should have binned him then.

We went NC for about 3 weeks, then I went round and he was in such a state that I believed that he was sorry.

Anyway I'm on a roll with getting it off my chest, so I'll give you a bigger picture (whether you want it or not because you are broken hearted).

Just over 6 month ago he called me by the wrong name on the phone. This signalled he's talking to someone with that name on the phone a lot. I recalled he'd taken someone of that name out for lunch on her big birthday and lied about who was going. Then the no mobile receptions, the number busies, the flat phone batteries, the event I wasn't invited to when i probably should have been just all slotted into place.
He' s denied that there was anything going on since but when in March i saw a fb notification from her I saw red.
Back together a few weeks later, him still spending time with her behind my back then I found out the truth with that one text.

How the hell could I want him back?
I'm not sure about his weight but he's two and a half to three times my bodyweight.
And he beat me up when I saw red.

I still love him.

Of course I could try to contact friend/OW and point out that Mr Chuckle is really Mr Punch but that would only reinforce the "Broken is a psychopath" story.

I won't but I could.

I feel so much better now. Still shit but I put up with that.

Oh brokenhearted that is appalling. I know you can’t just turn your feelings off but honestly you are well off out of it, what a vile man. You deserve so much better.
Enjoy meeting your friend today but stay safe!

How is everyone else doing this morning? I feel OK but I can feel it all underneath the surface. Like I know if I think about it too much I’ll cry. Think tonight I’ll watch a sad film so I can get the tears out without having to specifically think about the situation. Assuming it works, because I didn’t shed a tear at Lion King and only welled up slightly at A Star is Born and normally I cry at everything!

Both his home town and the place we went to on holiday are still popping up everywhere

I'm still in a state. Not really feeling up to meeting this man but I guess I could do with the company.
He seems nice. He's actively dating and stuff, so I'm not expecting Love and Romance. A hug would be wonderful.

I miss ExDP so much but how could I ever let that happen to me.

Thanks for your kind words herb. I hope you are OK. Have a good day. I'll report back later.

Big hugs.

I feel the same, ok but I know its bubbling under the surface. Trying to not think about him but it's hard. I didn't know you could miss someone so much that you think about them constantly! I think weekends are just hard.

Don’t push yourself brokenhearted, and personally I would definitely go into it as a meeting with a potential friend rather than a date but that’s me. Like has been said to you already, don’t forget that you are very vulnerable right now.

Yes jonsnow it’s awful, there are few moments when I’m not thinking about him and even when I’m not there’s just a constant feeling of something being missing. I know we don’t really have “other halves”, we are complete people on our own, but it did feel like something in me clicked when I found him. I had wanted a partner for so long and when I finally found him, it was as good as I’d always hoped it would be. AND THEN HE DUMPED ME! Grrr. I know he did it for the right reason, but I think he’ll struggle to find someone else.

I wonder if ExDP misses me. If he loves me he will come back and to be fair, when he beat me up I had gone for him first.

Time for me to get ready for Mr Date.
Thank you people for being here with me. I'm so hurt and so lonely.

I was meant to be on holiday with him today - our plane would have just landed. I feel so angry that he's gallivanting around on Tinder not giving a fuck about me. sad day today I think.