Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

I also broke up with her a few times.
Once 6 months in and again later down the line when we just weren’t happy together.
I told her at that point I still loved her but questioned whether I was still in love.
I said I did still find her physically attractive but felt that there was no connection there and didn’t find her emotionally attractive anymore at that time.
She never accepted how I felt and I always realised how silly I was being.
I always loved her, we just weren’t working as a family and weren’t making each other happy.
I had so much pressure. I worked longer hours, took care of all 3 DC emotional aswel as physical needs as she said she didn’t know how to deal with her DD emotions.
I did all the housework.
She said I was controlling with it and I know this will make me sound a huge arsehole and maybe I am I’m not sure but if she did it, she’d half do it and as we were always at my house before she moved in I wanted it clean and tidy so would carry it on and she said I was checking up on her when I wasn’t.
She always said how she would clean to her standard not mine.
How housework isn’t important to her.
How she wants a clean house but doesn't want to do it.
I feel like a shitty terrible person saying all these things but I need to know I’m not crazy and controlling and nasty.
I’ve loved her and been there for her so very much but I stuck to my beliefs and boundaries and I don’t know if that makes me selfish and uncompromising (that’s what she used to say about me). If that makes me controlling and nasty or if it’s just normal and ok.
I’m so lost
I just want her to come back and tell me I’m not crazy and she’ll work on things with me.
I asked her to just tell me if she doesn’t love me or want to be with me. If she only loves me in a caring way. If she’s gone off me and it would be easier to accept the way she is towards me but she said she can’t say those things because she’d be lying.
She said she just doesn’t understand herself and needs to work out what makes her happy.
I asked her if she’s realised that it’s not me and she sais she doesn’t know. She loves me and wants us to work but any other questions I ask she just sais she doesn’t know.
I’m so heartbroken. 3 1/2 years just gone
Sorry. I’ve ranted so much.

@TinselAndKnickers I’ve done the same and phoned in sick from work. Had a few days off. Don’t work Fridays Saturdays or Sundays anyway so hopefully I’ll be going back on Monday.
Feeling down again today when I was ok yesterday and last night. Think I’m isolating myself aswell which is not like me. I’ve just got no strength x

Feeling really really low and teary right now, just miss him so much and want him here with me but I know he will be with her. This is so hard :(

This is shit, innit? Just want to be ok already!

It helps to tell someone. I felt a lot better for having got stuff off my chest earlier today without any judgement.
I know how you feel Jons and herb.
The best I can think of right now is that if I leave him alone he'll come back and I mustn't let that happen. Where's that long list of his faults.
Hugs to you all. Stay strong. It hurts like anything but I've been hurt in the past and survived. Better to hurt bad once and get over it than hurt again and again.
It would help if I had some RL support but I don't.

I'm back to feeling angry now. How could I let someone treat me that way.

Plucked up the courage and went to counselling today and did feel a little better for it. I just switch between relief, anger and sadness it seems. You are very right though musicandlyrics that special occasions will just have to be a new way of doing it. I have put my little boy first and I know I’ve done the right thing by asking him to move out. Still this part of me just wants him to message me and tell me he’s sorry and he’ll change and he wants to be here with us but he won’t he’s too stubborn ahh orange is the new black and a glass of wine for me tonight I think

That's good Lana.
As for me, I'm back to thinking he's with her right now. It's doing my head in.

I am actually dreading leaving work tomorrow. Since October, our Friday routine has been for him to pick me up outside work and then we would go back to his and spend most or all of the weekend together. And actually the last two Fridays we were still together we didn’t have that routine coz I was babysitting one Friday and then away the next, and then the next two Fridays we were split up, so that’s four Fridays without him already but it’s the first one since I’ve been back at work so think this weekend I’m really going to notice being out of my routine, whereas being off work the last few weeks the weekends weren’t as distinguishable from the weekdays. It’s gonna suck. I wouldn’t actually have been seeing him anyway cos I already know he’s away this weekend so mum has told me to focus on the fact that we wouldn’t have had our routine anyway but don’t think it’s gonna help. I guess it has to be done tho. And then maybe next Friday won’t feel so bad.

I just hate it. Why doesn’t he love me anymore? We were so happy, why does that just stop? How am I supposed to love someone else one day knowing that this has happened?

He’s not on tinder yet. But I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to set it up when he’s away so he can have a ONS.

Feeling low and sad again. Been for a walk and watched abit of tv but then this overwhelming emotion just hits me out of no where and then my brain goes in to overdrive asking myself
-is he talking to someone else
-does he miss me
-is he feeling upset
It’s literally torture to be honest. My life was completely different 3 weeks ago. How can it just change in a split second. I want to fast forward and be ok within myself. I want to look forward to my holiday to America in October (he was supposed to be coming) hows everyone getting on tonight? I really just needed to text and vent my feelings x

God I know what you mean, this time a month ago I was blissfully happy with no idea he was already falling out of love with me. This time three weeks ago we were still together but I’d sussed something was up by then. It’s just bizarre to me. But I think subconsciously for him it had prob been happening for a while without him realising so prob wasn’t sudden really.

But how could he be so loving and all over me?
Yes we had our arguments and stuff but i always thought we would be ok. I feel like I’m drowning and don’t know how to quite save myself.
Lay in bed now. Was saying to my mum they should be able to make a break up pill...haha they would be billionaires. I’m on a break up forum on Facebook which is quite good.
How old are you all? Sorry might be a personal question but just curious x

Yeah same, I had sussed by his texts that all was not well but he seemed the same as ever in person, altho id noticed I was getting packed off home earlier and earlier which in hindsight was a clue.

I’m 32 but in terms of emotional maturity I’m probably more late teens/early 20s due to general lack of experience - imagine an overly emotional 19 year old mourning the loss of her first love and that’s me

First love is always going to be the hardest I reckon. I’ve had relationships in the past and gone through breakups but this one I suppose we were married and it’s the dream that I’m mourning. We had a lovely gorgeous wedding and had an amazing honeymoon in Mexico and now it’s all over. Very very sad.
Sometimes I think the universe makes things like this happen so other things can come in to our lives and I truely believe that. Have you got plenty of friends around you? Would you go out at the weekend for a night out? I know you said you were dreading the weekend.
I have things planned with friends which is making things abit easier because it’s making me look forward to different things. Also change your routine which is what I’m hoping to do when I get the motivation. Easier said than done to be honest.
Would you consider going to the gym? Exercise classes something different that you haven’t done before? X

I’ve got friends but they’re all settled grown ups so no impromptu nights out. Think mum and I will try and do something tho. Going to try not to mope

Yes definitely. What about any new hobbies?

Yeah I’m going to look into it, or really could just focus more on the ones I already have, I suppose they’ve all fallen by the wayside a bit since we got together.

What are the ones you already have?

My exes texts only changed after he had cheated, it's how I realised something wasnt right. Everything up until then was perfectly normal, and how he was behaving too. It's another reason I can't match all the horrible excuses he was giving for him cheating with what he was like!
I'm 31. I've been through break ups before, my first relationship breakup was awful but this feels so much worse because of the OW and the feeling of being completely replaced. Its devastating.

How is everyone feeling this morning? I’m tired and low but ultimately not toooooo bad.

Pittle, I knit and I used to write stories a lot but not so much anymore so maybe I’ll try and focus on that a bit.

Yeah even tho there was no cheating with mine, was weird how he managed to stay the same! But the time we were spending together had been cut down (a sign I’d sort of noticed like I say but hadn’t realised it meant something was wrong) so maybe if that hadn’t happened he would have found it harder to keep up the act. Really hard to know that for the last few weeks, he wasn’t really enjoying spending time with me whereas before we would happily spend all weekend together and never get bored or fed up of each other. Now I’m just another person he can only spend a certain amount of time with before needing space

He was still happy to come round and was still laughing and joking with me etc just the day before. And messaging me sending photos and videos all during the day of when he cheated (he went to a gig with his friends and her, shes friends with his friends...). I'm finding it all very hard, that complete switch from me to her, in an instant and no fight to keep our relationship. Completely led by his dick, hormones and emotions everywhere making him think that was what he wanted, then blaming it all on me. He sounds terrible but we really did get on well, and I loved him.

Not doing as bad as yesterday, just sad today.

Yes it all sounds very bizarre. It’s frustrating that we can never really know what is going on in someone else’s mind.

He is in his home town this weekend. I know that because he told me a couple of weeks before we split. But normally I’d know what time he is going, when he’s back, he’d let me know when he got there, etc. But I don’t know any of that now because I don’t need to and that brings it home.

I'm not too bad thank you. Bit rough but a bit numb.