Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

So sorry for you Pittle! I’d say we are happy to have you but ideally none of us would be here! The feelings changing so fast is something I am struggling to get my head around, seems so common now I’m on this thread! But why???

Sorry to hear that Pittle, join in with the pity party. I agree, it's so hard to get your head around how cold they can be, shutting feelings off completely. I met with my ex a few days after we broke up and he was just awful, completely emotionless and cold. It's messed my head so much as he was not like that. How can they be like that?! And obviously the whole running off with someone he'd known a day, like i was nothing to him. It's hurts to think of all this and I'm having a bad few days. I long for the day that he messages out of the blue but it would never happen.

oh lord today is hard, can't stop crying and struggling to hold it together at work!! have had better days but suddenly in a pit of despair. I think because we've been communicating about practicalities - it really looks like there's no hope of reconciling, and I guess there had been a glimmer of hope before. such a terrible sadness, don't know what to do with it!

I know how you feel, I’d love him to message me. Even tho it’s too late. Even if he decided next week he wanted me back, I’m not sure I could actually get over both my paranoia of it happening again, and just the fact that I’ve been in all this pain because of him. And yet I want him back so, so much.

Oh @cheezy the loss of hope is horrible isn’t it! We just have to muddle through I guess but it’s so hard when all you can think about is how sad you are.

Herb, yes this exactly. I dont think I could trust him again but equally i want him back so so much, I miss him so badly. Just want to talk to him.

We can pull through!!

Can we?

I mean yes, yes we can!

Does anyone else feel like their RL friends are a bit sick of hearing about it? They’ve been lovely and I get that it must be frustrating to keep hearing about it, and no one has come out ajd said it but I’m getting that vibe. I’m feeling low all over again thinking about how this time last month when I worked late we went for a lovely (and final) meal out together and I was so happy and now I’m back to being all alone. And I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about because the one person who was guaranteed to listen and be on my side is the one who has made me feel this way.

Yes i do, they say they dont mind but I find it helps to talk. I don't want to burden anyone though :(

Hi All,
New here and hoping for some help and advice. I've been married to a great guy for almost 12 years, together 17 years. We have 2 beautiful girl's who utterly adore their dad. We live in a good area, have a nice house, good job, he's very well paid and sensible with money. When I say sensible it's verging on frugle. He's always been this way. Having to ask permission to buy things, things as simple as a takeaway. We got on great up until about 3 years ago when I started to feel different towards him. I was no longer attracted to him, started to find him boring, he is a quiet guy but it was becoming a chore to try and have a conversation. We just seemed different people. He works shifts, plays a lot of sport etc. I think we've just drifted apart. We've not had a physical relationship for over 2 years now. He has tried but I have no interest what so ever. It actually freaks me out to think of him near me now. Obviously we both know there's a problem and it has been addressed a number of times. Initially I played it down as I didn't want to hurt him however it's now at the stage that the conversations are becoming a little heated. I have asked him to move out but he won't. He wants to sell the house and go our separate ways. I want our break up to be as smooth a transition as possible for the 2 girls, trying not to upset their lives too much as they do spend a lot of time with their dad as he works shifts and is around a lot during the day.

I work part time mostly to cover childcare due to my husband's shifts. I don't earn a great wage and could never afford to keep the house on my own...well not that I'm aware of as I don't know what benefits, maintenance etc I would be entitled to as a 'single' parent. He has a very good pension scheme in his work and I did suggest that he take the full lump sum and pension and I keep the house. This would leave him with no deposit to buy somewhere new for him though. He has savings and an ISA that he doesn't think I know about. He could initially go and stay at his parents as there's plenty of space there for him.

Has anyone been through a similar situation or have any advice/information on where I stand legally regarding the house, pension, savings, benefits, entitlements etc?

Sorry for the long post. x

Hi @GemmaSophie2 did you mean to post on this thread or did you mean to make your own post? You may be better to make your own post as we mostly seem to be about shellshocked grief here rather than actual break up practicalities. Although I’m sure someone here can help, not me though, not a clue

Jonsnow I know I don’t want to be a burden even tho I know my friends want to help but it must get tiresome hearing me say the same things. And all they can really do is say how it will get better with time. I just hate this. I miss him. I miss his hugs.

Yes same I feel like I’m going on to my friends. And they are absolutely fantastic but they must be sick of me.
We must all think of things we are going to do in the future rather than dwell if and when they may get in touch.
Anything that people have wanted to do in life but didn’t because of partner (can’t quite say ex partner just yet)
Also I feel that I am looking at the relationship with rose tinted glasses because sometimes our relationship wasn’t good and all I can think about is the nice meals nice holidays etc so therefore I’m going to think of the negative aspects of the relationship.

Yes Pittle same, I know I am romanticising our relationship a bit...I really was happy though. We never fought. Even the things that annoyed me, it was only a little bit. Everyone always said we were made for each other! Like it honestly seemed so meant to be!
But...it wasn’t. Got a long weekend with my family coming up so there’s that to look forward to. And he wasn’t coming so it’s not like I will miss his absence cos he was never going to be there.

Just hard to know that after all those years of being alone, I had a brief glimpse of what I had been looking for and now I’m back in the same position I was this time last year, except I know now what I’m missing. Can’t wrap my head around it. What if it takes another 16 years?!

@herbsmokedchicken,
What happened with your relationship.?
I feel the same in that I was single for a while and exactly in the same position I was all those years ago. I don’t want to do the dating scene and can’t think of anything worse at the moment.
I feel for you if there wasn’t anything particularly wrong in your relationship as that makes it harder. Have you got children together? X

currently 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby and my boyfriend left me on Sunday night. he can't 'put up with my moods' anymore. feeling angry more than anything. really don't know what to do.

@Pittlepops he just fell out of love with me - we had only been together 9 months so not long at all but we’d gotten intense very fast and genuinely thought this was it - he was taken aback by his change of heart and hoped it was just some random blip so waited a while before ending it. So no kids or anything, not that we wanted any! Probably sounds so dramatic after a 9 month thing but I honestly thought I’d found the one. And for a bit, so did he....

@brookelopez. I hope you have got friends and family around you and lean on them for as much support you can get. Try and look after yourself as hard as that is because there’s two of you.
Concentrate on your baby. It’s so difficult and I understand.
@herbsmokedchicken- doesn’t matter how long you have been with them the hurt still cuts like a knife. What have you been doing to keep busy? I’m really lacking motivation at the minute. Just keep thinking about my husband x

Not a whole lot Pittle - was off work for the first two weeks (not because of that was just the timing) and I did wallow quite a bit. Back at work now which helps in some ways but is also hard to leave work and not see his car or to remember when I would usually be texting him.

Same sort of situation for me, he left 2 weeks ago and I had ten days annual leave booked which was awful. Weather was crap and I just wallowed for ten days..phoned in sick today which i feel guilty about but I need a few more days to get myself together. I’m sure we all won’t feel like this soon and it all takes time doesn’t it. It’s like experiencing a bereavement

Yes it really is, you grieve the loss of the person it’s just that you also have the knowledge that they are still here, living their life without you

We def won’t feel like this forever, we will be fine, we’ve just got to spend a bit of time feeling like shit first unfortunately!

I have the strong urge to break no contact but I can’t give in. Absolutely no way.

Be strong! You can do this.