Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

Weak**

@TinselAndKnickers it’s going to be ok! It’s not a straight line getting back to being OK but we will get there! (I always feel strong after a sobbing session...for a bit.)

Ah Bebe must be horrible to want to be with someone so much but not get the same level as commitment! At least A was committed...until he wasn’t. But we are all here for each other on this thread! I’ve found it so helpful being able to talk to people who are going through it right now, as opposed to friends who haven’t been through it in years

Apologies in advance, I’m online a lot so a lot of this thread is me jabbering away....

Every morning I would get to work, start up my laptop etc then text him, I wish I could still do that :( such a lonely day yesterday, didn't speak to anyone (human! The cat doesn't count) in real life. Makes you realise how much you miss that companionship.

Yes I’m noticing it today, would normally be texting him by now. This morning I woke up feeling probably the most OK I’ve felt in two weeks, albeit still sad, but am starting to wilt now. Just so hard to go from talking to someone every day to not speaking to them at all!

I'm feeling the same, I was ok now really wilting, feeling so sad and down. I can't believe I haven't spoken to him in 7 weeks and I know that he does not miss me at all and will not even think of me. It's getting me so down as I really miss him. I hate that he's with someone else so quickly so much.

The thought of him choosing her over me is also really getting me down too, like I wasnt good enough, and also wasn't good enough to be worth fixing.

It’s just vile isn’t it? I miss A, today is probably the most OK I’ve felt but hit me so much around lunchtime as I would usually be texting him to see how his day has gone. It’s hard because I know he probably doesn’t miss me anything like as much as I miss him. He used to be desperate to see me, when he went away for two weeks he said he wouldn’t be able to leave me for that long again and then just over a month later he fell out of love with me!!! What the fuck.
Plus side, a random bird flew into our staff room and I rescued it, here is Cyril back outside

Jonsnow you are absolutely good enough, he just was too stupid to realise what he had and thought the grass was greener elsewhere

We only spent one weekend apart in 18 months, and we both missed each other so much just that once. It's crazy how someone can just drop you like that for someone who they've literally just met. Normally this situation is an affair and they know the person for longer, they literally spent a day together and he decided she was more than me and worth breaking his relationship over. It's awful that someone can treat you this way :(

Aw well done for rescuing Cyril!

Jonsnow wow that is crazy! To me that says more about him than you, you’re not the one who is not good enough for sure.

No other woman for mine but it was still so fast, he was in love with me and then he just wasn’t and I still don’t quite get it. Been doing well for not crying at work until I realised it’s my turn to stay late tomorrow - last time I stayed late was about this time last month and he picked me up after work and we had what turned out to be our last meal out together. We had such a lovely evening except now I know he was not in love with me anymore and was trying to get back the feelings he had had. and it didn’t work.

Can I ask if anyone still in contact with their ex? I saw mine on the weekend, he says it's good to still see each other and I'm seeing him next weekend.

Hes told me his position remains unchanged (loves me but not ready for marriage). I've tried to be strong and didn't text him today then he asked if I was ignoring him.

Am I being a fool? Is he just keeping me in my back pocket? Or should I give it time, I love him so much but I don't want to be played..

herbsmokedchicken I don't know how they get over it so quickly, well done for not crying at work. I feel like routine helps!

This is the thing, because he's with her he's obviously completely over me and hasn't had any time to think about me, which makes me so sad :(

Bebe honestly i would not contact him, I know how hard it is as every day i want to talk to my ex but with a previous ex i had the same and it took three years to eventually get over! He was just keeping me hanging on and in the end I've realised how much it has messed me up and probably caused my rejection issues which have caused a problem in this relationship, but we just never had that deep to talk to discover that we had both had problems that needed talking through. So I would say don't do it!!

That deep talk was in the just finished relationship not the previous one.

@Bebe03 I did cry! I was holding it in until I’d thought about our last meal and then I went to the loo and sobbed

I wouldn’t contact him. I’ve had a little bit of contact with mine, but I’m planning to stop that now. I genuinely hope we can be friends again but I know he’s pretty much ready to be friends again now (boxes his emotions) whereas I’m not ready for him to be anything but my boyfriend.

Just burst out crying and don’t know what even triggered it. I’m so over being sad. I hate this. I know he’s not coming back. I just want to feel normal again.

Feeling really peopled out today. A is even more introverted than I am and I loved how we could just bunker down together. We never got tired of each other, he always said I was the only person he didn’t need space from. Except towards the end, before I knew something was truly wrong, I had noticed we weren’t spending quite as much time together and in hindsight I saw it had been a sign but even then, what I didn’t properly understand until nearly two weeks later was that I had moved from being the person he never needed space from to being just like every other person, someone he couldn’t just spend all his time with. And fuck me that hurts.

I got everything out yesterday and today I feel so strangely different - like I haven't even been thinking of him nearly as much! So very weird.

Hugs to everyone we will get there and find someone who loves us just as much. We need to learn to love ourselves enough to wait for that!

@TinselAndKnickers I was a bit like that this morning and then it hit me in the afternoon! I’ve definitely improved though I would say. We are going to get there and we will be just fine!

God i had a dream about him again last night :( wish my brain would turn off!

Oh my god was coming here to post the same thing! Had a dream we somehow ended up making out and he was like, I love you. I was like OMG really? So we are back together? And he said yes but there has to be some changes, I don’t want you coming round on Fridays anymore. So I was like yeah I can do that

Like to think real me would have a bit more dignity! But dreams like that are so frustrating aren’t they, they sort of linger even though you know they’re not real. I’m feeling ok today though at the moment.

Ugh I'm stuck in a pit of misery and despair. It's so useful to read your posts and to know that what I'm feeling is 'normal' but my god, I feel like I'll never get out of this hole. I'm so filled with regret about the things I did wrong in the relationship. And so terrified of being alone. Argh.

Sadkitten I feel exactly the same. I have good days and bad days but currently in a pit of despair thinking if all the stuff I could have done differently, if only I'd known :(
It's awful, it really is.

It is horrible! I don’t even know if I could have done anything differently with mine. Realistically, I think it was probably always going to be a short, sweet, first love type relationship. But it didn’t feel like that at the time. Because we were a bit older I thought we had bypassed all that first love stuff and we were just going to be together forever. And hindsight isn’t helping me feel any better. Someone asked me if I was OK today as I seemed so sad since getting back to work! She’s a nice lady so wouldn’t have minded telling her but I felt my throat go all tight so I just said I was fine!

And yes @Sadkitten I agree that knowing it’s normal doesn’t make you feel any better in the here and now! It’s just a waiting game altho I suppose we all need to make sure we are not just wallowing and feeling sorry for ourselves as we will never feel better that way.

There are two TV shows I want to watch and I can’t because they have people in them who look like my ex! How bloody rude. I may just make myself, I can’t let this rule my life.

Hi everyone, please can I join. My husband left me 2 weeks ago and it’s finally hit me and I’m struggling, crying, can’t eat, sleep. Had to phone in sick at work today which is not like me at all.
Initially he was texting me every day asking if I was ok etc etc then wanted to talk, then he didn’t. Messing me about therefore I have gone no contact now and it’s the hardest thing I’ve done. I just want him to try and get in contact with me. It’s come as a shock as it was only 2 weeks ago he was all over me and telling me how much he loves me. I just don’t get it.
Drunkcalled him on Saturday night. I know so bad and he was so cold. Why are men like that? Just shut there feelings off completely.
I think I’m grieving our dreams and plans together as a married couple. We have only been married a year. My life is upside down and like people have previously said I wish I could go to sleep for a few months and wake up feeling fine. X