My mood swings are destroying things

[JessM83]

So really down just now.

At “that” time every month I seem to go crazy for 5/6 days. I just can’t stop myself getting really angry and every time I take it out on my husband.

We all have faults but he really is a great guy. Works full time, does the majority of the shopping and house chores yet this month for example I again have went crazy at him.

It comes on so quick I don’t even see it coming. He went for a shower after work and everything was fine then 20mins later he comes down and I scream at him out the room making lies up that he’s lazy round the house, his family irritate me etc. We then spend couple of days to a week not talking.

Almost every month this happens. He expects an apology every time which makes me more angry as he knows it’s not my fault.

Any suggestions 🙏

If I was your husband and I've gone by now. It's abuse, plain and simple. Who wants to live in a marriage where for 20% of the month you're either screaming at him irrationally or not talking to each other? He's a bloody saint. Or an idiot.

Interestingly, the OP had an almost identical thread two months ago, although in that they don't seem to be married. But some advice and suggestions were given. Do we assume that two months later, the OP hasn't investigated any of that advice?

This posting isn't really much different from the previous one (4/5 days rather than 5/6 and husband/boyfriend):

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3594537-mood-swings-at-that-time

Im on the pill and sertraline for mine. Good diet, exercise and plenty of sleep to try and keep everything in balance.

It is your fault. You can't blame hormones, because I bet your bottom dollar you'd miraculously be able to contain your anger if you were talking to you boss, or a policeman, or a friend in the street. You act like you do because there are no direct immediate consequences to your actions (ie being fired, arrest etc). However, you're probably killing your relationship by death by a thousand cuts. Or in your case, treating him like shit.

@SparklyMagpie
I felt sad for you reading your posts. Is it definitely all over between you and your ex? He sounds like an understanding man. I hope you can eventually reconcile

Given the OP has said 'I have tried to and it's still really bad' and given the fact she doesnt think she should apologise, I am going to guess that she hasnt, infact changed anything.

Given the OP hasn't said

I seem to go crazy for 5/6 days

I’ve been in a relationship with someone like you. To you it’s 5/6 but it’ll feel like much more to your partner because even on your normal days, he’ll be walking on eggshells & “on alert” just waiting for the next blow up to come.

@foodiefil, depression is no excuse to be abusive! The op hasn’t done anything to help, like see a doctor, so it’s still her fault.

Op, do you treat other people like this, or just your poor partner? If the latter, then you can control it. You just choose not to.

I’d advise your partner to leave you.

If you advance search the OP. There are more issues than this. It appears the dp not only works and does most of the work around the, he pretty much finances everything for the OP and her daughter.

I can help wonder if the OP treats her daughter this way? And wonder if actually, the OP isnt really into her dp but given he does so much for her, she doesnt want to face up to the fact that it's not working.

Not an excuse to abuse him, but I wonder if that's actually what's going on.

Maybe the relationship, just isnt meant to be. Ops knows that deep down and gets wound up by him just being there and then is nasty to him. I can believe anyone would believe the person they loved didnt deserve at least an apology for this behaviour.

But sounds like OP is pretty screwed if he leave her. She cant really seem to afford to contribute that much to her own living costs now.

Living with someone who blows up for no or very little reason is just horrible. I wouldn't blame him if he left, to be honest. You could:

Take up a martial art
Exercise
Buy a speedball/punchbag
Break plates - somewhere safe

Plus all the advice already given about medication and supplements.

I've been there too OP. I have PTSD as well so not a good combination. However, I've been to the GP, had therapy and on medication.

I'm much better now although not perfect. One question: do you drink? If so, avoid alcohol around these times. It will lower your inhibitions and you definitely will have no hope of controlling anything.

You need to do something about it.

Do you do this to your boss/ people in the street/ work colleagues? If not, you are able to control your behaviour. If so, you need a doctor's advice and perhaps hormone balancing medication. I think it's rather telling that you get angry at the thought of being asked to apologise to your behaviour after the fact.

I got like this and hrt really helped. No idea how old you are (I’m peri rather than menopausal) but def see your gp.

So many with no idea about PMDD! Try listening to the experiences of those who have suffered it, try not being so judgemental and know it all about something you have not experienced. It s not 'just bad PMT' it is a serious clinical condition, a dysphoric disorder, described clinically effecting the sufferers ability to live a normal life. Up to 40% of woemen experience PMT - c.5% of those will experience PMDD AND IT DOES NOT GO, IT AWAY CAN LAST UNTIL MENOPAUSE!

Many moons ago I too was a complete and utter mess, made life very hard for myself and DH. I went from being a bubbly, sociable person, working a bar, enjoying life to being an absolute bloody nightmare. I could just about hold myself together at work, could occasionally manage to socialise if I was in the right frame of mind and had made a conscious effort to enjoy msyself, but when at home, relaxed and without the extra external constarints I often could not control the rage, the fear, the anger in me.

At ALL TIMES there was a small voice in the back of my head asking me why I was doing this... but the wave of negative emotions was absolutely fucking enormous.

Eventually we (DH and I worked through all of this together) found a GP who listened and diagnosed PMDD. We started with a change to my contraception - I had Depo from that day on. Within 48 hours I could feel the difference, a week later and it had ALL gone away!

It was never me, never a choice, never anything I coud control. It was ALWAYS my hormones. And fuck you who try to say otherwise (as some have when I have posted this previously!)

Good spot @shatnerswig - the OP has already posted an almost identical thread. She appears to have done nothing about it. Couoked with her anger abojt being asked to apologise, it is clear she has done nothing about it amd isn't really motivated to change.

I'd urge her partner to contact The Mankind Initiative for advice and support to break free from this abusive relationship. And to log every incident with the Police.

Samphire I'm not diminishing your's or anyone else's experience of this condition, but it's amazing how many of these people seem to be able to control themselves in every other situation except with their DP. As you yourself state, you were just about able to control yourself at work but at home you couldn't control yourself.

@CuriousaboutSamphire did you also get angry because he wanted an apology.

Seek advice but not do anything about it? Just carry on?

Does op do this to her adult daughter who lives with them? Because op feels more comfortable at home?

Oh and did you let your dh pay most of the living costs for you and you adult daughter, despite working. Knowing the partner was struggling, so you could bung your daughter £200 a month because she caby budget? And hide it?

Cause most people would call that financial abuse. Hiding money and putting your dp in the position they are skint paying all the day to day costs and a big chunk of the household bill as well?

I went to the doctors when my fits of anger/PMT were extreme. Prescribed anti depressants which helped me a lot.

agnus castus was really good for mood swings, as was 5htp

Branleuse Yes, several people told the OP that two months ago but that appears to have been totally ignored.

Look up PMDD. Starting taking Oil of Evening Primrose daily and see your GP.

I didn’t realise how powerful my hormonal swings were until I entered peri menopause and didn’t have as many periods. I would have major blow ups or repress them and feel horrific, very weepy and unsure of myself. I felt much happier when pregnant or breast feeding (no periods until 2 months after I’d finished each time). Unless you’ve had horrific PMDD you have no idea how awful it is, you feel as if you are crazy or going crazy. I had dismissive GPs for years who told me that my periods were normal, I could presumably have had help from my teenage years had I been listened to and realised what was going on. My mother just told me to exercise & eat less salt around my period!

"I seem to go crazy for 5/6 days

I’ve been in a relationship with someone like you. To you it’s 5/6 but it’ll feel like much more to your partner because even on your normal days, he’ll be walking on eggshells & “on alert” just waiting for the next blow up to come."

This, so much this!

OP if you value your relationship please seek help to resolve and apologise to your partner.

I find I emotionally detach for a lot of the month as a protection mechanism. There's probably 3-7 days a month where I can relax without fear of being verbally attacked. I know I'm avoiding interaction with my partner for most of the month as it's the only way to avoid arguments. It would help a lot if they apologised for their behaviour and recognised that they were unreasonable.....

I'd have left long ago if it wasn't for the children and feeling as though I need to counteract some of my partners behaviours with the children.