Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Thank you all! What a lovely lovely group!

Met a friend yesterday for coffee and she was having a tinder swipe and who should pop up in stack but Mr Big with a brand new profile! I called him out on it and he said he is confused as he hasn’t been on for months. Nope mate the pics are from your trip 3 weeks ago! So not only did he lie about been off apps but in the last 3 weeks whilst we have been “exclusive” (his idea) he had set up a new tinder AND now he is gaslighting me 😡☹️

I have been awake since 4 frantically reading Mr Unavailable and the fallback girl on my phone.

I feel like such a mug!

Oh what a massive fucker @Marlboroandmalbec34. His loss and best you see his true colours now than further down the line! Some men are absolute tossers...sending hugs and be kind to yourself x

Thank you kermit it’s bloody embarrassing as I had just started to tell my friends and family about this guy I had been seeing who I likes etc! Shortest lived relationship ever 😂

@Coffeeandchocolate9 that's good news that he was genuinely unavailable and hope his mother gets better soon.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm so sorry pet. Very similar thing happened with my mr unavailable. Exclusive, found on apps, lied, gaslit. The book is great. Particularly for recognising....this is on him. nothing you could have done to interrupt or change his MO. I ended up with self esteem in the gutter but the book helped me with that.

Lying is repulsive particularly since you'd already shown you could handle non monogamy. I'm so glad you only got 3 weeks into the charade before you discovered it.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 Oh men can be so bloody stupid sometimes. Stupid for doing it and stupid for not thinking you'd find out.

I think they just can't bear to not have the ego boost.

I was on Bumble once and found my friend's estranged husband on there. They weren't together but also weren't separated (he needed "time" to get his head together but loved her, blah blah). I showed her screen shots, she confronted him and he said he'd never heard of Bumble and even emailed them to say someone was using his photos off Instagram! He even used his real name ffs!

How did you leave things with him? I'm sorry you are feeling crap

I just haven't responded. He must have been awake through the night as he messaged me at 4am and 6am. I was reading on phone so guess he saw me online. No point responding is there? I need to block!

Is he still trying to deny it?

Yep! I am just not getting into it with him. Casual I could cope with but not lying or gaslighting.

Oh @Marlboroandmalbec34, what an utter bastard. I'm so angry for you, but don't you dare feel embarrassed. I despair sometimes - a guy finds an attractive, funny, sexy woman and that's still not enough? What the fuck are they looking for?? I can't even imagine how hes trying to explain it or justify it, but my STBXH did something similar - the OW posted a beautiful lovey dovey picture of them together as her profile pic on FB - when I called him out on it he said it was from a works night out and she was doing to make another man jealous. 1% of me wanted to believe him 🤷🏻‍♀️☹ They'd actually been having an affair for 14 months by that stage.

Rage away here, it's very cathartic

@Sunshineandflipflops You haven’t seen how hot MrNN is!

@CassettesAreCool I would find the whole song thing very cheesy, there is one out there about me and I cringe so much if it’s on the radio.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 He must be genuinely thick, as in like, IQ below 70. What a tit.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 He clearly didn't want YOU seeing anyone else but wanted to keep his options open x

What an utter bastard. The only consolation here is that you found out so quickly. Be kind to yourself, lovely. It's him that's missed out.

marlboro what a complete twat he is, he has no class, no shame and just no fucking idea how to be a man. Never respond to him in any form ever again, it will drive him crazy because ‘men’ like that live off female attention. Onwards and upwards, you are amazing 💐

simonjt yes, the song is a really poor ballad duet, my bits just shrivelled up listening to it. This backfired. I miss Elvis 😔

Remember @Marlboroandmalbec34 though, you have been ambivalent about him all along, apart from the sex. It wasn't just him that didn't want to be exclusive, every time you saw him you were unsure he was right for you, even thus last time. So in a way this has set you free from him. Something along those lines happened to me although I was gutted and furious it did set me free from him. We had an on/off thing, we became exclusive, he shat on me from a great height but st least it was over. I know you rely on his messaging as well as the sex but you know there was always something missing.

Oh Marlborough what a tosser!! I am in awe of you're magnificence of reaction and yes stay away from replying to him, I'm glad he has had a sleepless night. It is very easy imo to listen to the 1% voice in your head that wants to believe it's innocent that @JeSuisPrest mentioned, but I'm very glad you're strong and not taking any (blatant) shit.

@CassettesAreCool what a disappointment!

Thank you all so much for your support. Actually feel a bit blah today. I was full of doubt myself peanut and only a few days ago I was desperately fighting the urge to swipe. I am free! His loss!

simon a song about you that’s on the radio? Please do tell!

@marlboroandmalbec34 he's a lying bastard and even if he was never going to be the one, he didn't have to be an unpleasant and devious human being.

What a lying git @Marlboroandmalbec34 When you said something wasn't right the other day I think that was your instinct telling you something was up. Onwards! x

@simonjt considering who your bf is, it's hardly surprising either you or mr nn who deserves a name are also good looking 😊

Oh @Marlboroandmalbec34, I’m so sorry. What a total shit he is. I guess, at least you didn’t waste too much time investing in a relationship with him. And @Peanutheadz is right, you were pretty ambivalent about the whole relationship thing with him anyway. It is horrible though - the lying and gaslighting is just unforgivable.

It’s a shame that the song was dreadful @CassettesAreCool. I’m also intrigued by the song on the radio @SimonJT. Do tell. Please.

@butterflyFed The Glasgow subway map is actually quite funny. There are memes about his simple it is. I’ve been to Toronto twice but never went on the subway.

I think it sounds like you’d be best off giving MrFlu the time this week. It’d give you a bit of time to think about what you think re:MrChef too.

I’m glad that Mr5in1 was telling the truth @Coffeeandchocolate9. It sounds like he’s having a really tough time right now.

I’m glad MrDadbod responded well to your message, @kerkyra. It does sound like it was a bit too much, too soon for you (and possibly for him too). It’s probably easy to do that, as the temptation is to grab what childfree time there is and try to maximise it.

I refuse to believe that any of you are punching above your weight in the dating world. The men and women who get the privilege of dating you all are very lucky indeed.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I can PM them to you, I would get told off if I put them on here as it would ruin the mystery of what they’re about.

Subway meme for @butterflyFed.

So I'm seeing mr horizontal this Friday. It will be nearly 3 weeks since I last saw him. Starting to feel very detached from him as messaging is very sparse. Feel like I'm allowing him to lead everything and I'm too scared to carry on like I used to incase it freaks him out. Well I've had a look on tinder and matched with a few....... one problem, I feel like I'm cheating on him. We are meant to be exclusive so I shouldn't be looking should I? Part of me thinks he's waiting on me to break it off as he's so nice and doesn't want to hurt me.