Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Good luck FMFL! I'm sure an hour will be plenty of time for him to realise how amazing you are.

I am not qualified to give any relationship advice. This afternoon my friend shared a love poem she wrote for her long-standing crush (it's complicated) and I realised that nobody has ever loved me like that. Maybe nobody ever will. It's made me feel sad, angry, and a bit bitter. I feel like I've wasted so many years with someone who, at best, patronised me, and towards the end actively despised me. It's such a headfuck, hence not feeling able to pursue any sort of ltr. (Plus I'm not far out from leaving him, which has its own set of complications)

You lot are so lovely, thank you all. Well it went ok, he was very chatty and nice, but there wasn’t much of a spark. That’s ok though, it was a great opportunity to get a date under my belt! Sat in the local now with a couple of friends so life is good

Glad the date went ok fmfl even if no spark.

I think I'm in the process of being ghosted or slow faded by MrBlueEyes 🤷‍♀️ have reactivated my accounts and am swiping again. Few matches and few conversations on the go

FMFL I think it's good to get your 1st one out of the way with someone there is no spark with as it completely takes the pressure off the next time round as you have low to no expectations.

@LooUpdate have you read the 5 languages of love? People express their love in different ways and it seems like MrShakes put a lot of effort. If you wanted sex, why didn't you initiate!? In any case if it is a deal breaker for you, you need to have a conversation about your sex drives and see if it is make or break.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 that's right. On Sunday he texted "usually exclusivity comes after sex so it's just fine to not have at this point" and we didn't see each other until yesterday, we did not have sex, and he asked me to be his gf.

He said he doesn't want to pressure me, he was tired when he wrote that text and he really likes me.

@WooMaWang not really withholding. We had date #5 yesterday and it didn't feel natural until then. Now it may be a logistics thing. He lives with his mom and I have the house upside down, too embarrassing to bring people (Reno's + single mom working full time with 2 very young kids, one SNno help at all...).

Just catching up with the thread after my move. My version of visiting Ikea was building flat pack furniture with Mr BC ....😂 We're still good ... he's been a star 🌟

shit I hope Mr B can be more supportive of you in future, and not make it all about him and how he feels.

Auba so sorry to hear about you and Miss B&B - no contact is the only way to start to heal. Enjoy London (it's currently drizzling!) and don't have revenge sex with your ex.

Marl what an arse Mr Big is.

I had so many pages of this thread to catch up on I'm never going to be able to reply/comment on everything! The bikini and pyjama conversation made me laugh though 😂

Hope your move went well @BatshitCrazyWoman

I've woken up to a message from Mr Art telling me he wants me badly

I know he was out drinking last night as we were chatting earlier so I don't know if he'll even remember sending it!

Checking in.....

looupdate you don't seem to be on the same page with Mr Shakes - maybe you're better off finding someone more sexually assertive, if that's what you want?

Auba so sorry to read about you and Miss B&B

Hairy lovely update! Have been rooting for you.

FMFL he wasn't the one but it sounds like you had a good time - onward and upward!

I had a date last night with the most boring man I've ever met. No loo update as I barely made it to an hour with him and was clock watching from 20 minutes in! Fascinating topics of conversation included the ages and states of health of various uncles by marriage, the funerals he had attended this year and when it may be appropriate to sound your horn while driving. I couldn't get a word in edgeways either

Back to the drawing board!

@putastrawunderbaby Oh no! What did you say to get away?

batshit hope your move went well!

FMFL glad it went well. First one out of the way

putastraw sorry date was crap but that has really amused me 😂

@putastrawunderbaby oh wow, so sorry but that made me funeral chat! Amazing!
I’m back for more advice, please bear with, I’ll get more used to this hopefully! I had a message from Mr VW after our date just saying he managed to get to work on time. I don’t want to be rude but at the same time don’t want to keep seeing him so I was after a form of words for the thanks but no thank you’ message? Is it a cop out for me to say ‘ thank you for coffee, lovely meeting you, but I have a lot going on right now etc ‘? He was nice but just not for me.

@fmfl in my very limited experience I have always had two dates just to be 100% sure there was no spark and then texted with something like 'it was really lovely meeting you but I didn't feel there was much chemistry'.

There isn't a nice way of saying it but I know I'd rather hear that than be ghosted.

@FMFL Has he asked to see you again?

Hi all,

I'd love to join this thread properly if I can? I feel I just barged in last time so sorry about that.

@LooUpdate your story made me think. I have a healthy sex drive and stupidly married my ex who was exactly like you describe Mr Shakes. He was always doing grand romantic gestures, but we NEVER dtd. But all my friends thought the relationship sounded great because he was so thoughtful. But I was left crying loads of times in frustration.

Probably healthy to talk about it with him see where it goes from there?

That boring date conversation made me laugh 😂

I set up my tinder profile on Tuesday night, and by last night I was so frazzled I had to go to sleep at 9pm. I'd spent the last 24 hours having an amazing chat with this really lovely guy. I'll call him Mr Sweet as I REALLY hope he comes back on the scene. We were trying to see if we could change our arrangements to meet up last night and sort of at the last minute I bailed with a really nice message saying I really did want to meet but it would need to be another time. And basically haven't heard from him since then.

Feel like those date rules I got way too emotionally invested, plus it hasn't happened till it happens- and it hasn't happened 😞

Kind of lost my mojo for chatting to anyone else though- as I really liked him.

@stealthninjamum thanks yes it sucks to be ghosted, I’d rather send a kind message and move on. It feels so awful though. I mean, he may have felt the same so I may be worrying about nothing! I absolutely hate the rejection part, from either perspective, and would much rather blame myself than make anyone feel bad (which probably isn’t healthy).

@Sunshineandflipflops no he hasn’t; I may be worried about nothing.

@FMFL I went on a date with someone a couple of weeks ago and we were chatting after but he never asked for another date and slowly faded once I stopped initiating conversation.

@helpmebefree Why did you cancel the date? Ime the longer you chat to someone the more invested you get and if you don't click on the date when it eventually happens or you get ghosted it's a much harder thing to get over, so meeting up quickly is essential for me (within a week).

@FMFL He's waiting for a message back from you... I'd say he's not sure how you feel hence the generic "Got to work on time", I think he's leaving the door open for you to either do a nice thanks but no thanks or suggest another date.

@Sunshineandflipflops Did you respond to MrArt. If I was planning a summer of fun, I'd be finding a way to fit MrSAS and Mr hunglikeahorse Art in 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 YOLO as the kids say.

@BatshitCrazyWoman Glad you and MrBC are still speaking after flat pack furnituring together. Couple goals 🥰

@putastrawunderbaby Sorry but that date sounds so awful it's hilarious. Thanks for sharing 😂

Sleep over with MrC tonight and tomorrow night. I still 🥰 him, he's still doesn't 🥰 me, despite everything he does and says seeming to show that he does 🤷🏻‍♀️, so I'm just going to give it a bit of time and see what happens. No one else is beating my door down, nor do I want them to ask I've got nothing to lose except my heart.

@JeSuisPrest That's the thing, I am so busy over the summer that I want to try a sun spend the little free time I have with MrSAS.

Mr Art is still messaging. It would appear he is still very horny today, from the videos he has sent 🙈

But Mr SAS isn't really a sexter and I do quite like that 😉

Only with people I've had sex with though.

Thanks @shitwithsugaron I thought about messaging him, but I sent the last one and he hasn't replied. He lives really nearby so I thought we could definitely manage to meet up at some point.

Yes I know what you mean about never ending messaging and it was me who suggested last night. But in the end dd stayed with me and I couldn't go out

Just popping by from the smitten bench where I am finally starting to feel comfortable.

Loads of good stories on here at the moment which is so cheering.

@JeSuisPrest I think there's a lot of pressure in the L word but it means different things to different people so his meaning may be different to yours. I will finally concede I am in love with Mr U. I'm slightly mortified which says a lot about Ms Unavailable. However to me that doesn't mean I think we will spend the rest of our lives together. Or that I'm ready to introduce him to my children. Or that I ever want us to live together. It means he makes me happy and horny and Its easy and I get excited about seeing him. And I love his feet and the way he walks. I've no intention of telling him though. And I'm assuming he feels similarly but he might not call that love. Anyway what I'm trying to say is don't fret, he loves you the same way you love him.

@WooMaWang Can't believe you are house hunting! Ex h is trying to buy me out which is such a non starter in so many levels. It would mean being financially tied to each other. Our house has had 3 viewings in 6 months. Sodding Brexit. Mind you there's nothing out there to buy either.

@SimonJT I assume when you say you don't have sex your talking about something different to us straight posters! To not have sex in 10 dates is pretty unheard of! And you said you're not having sex with Mr NN. I think you're comparing two completely different situations. Still no idea who your F is which is irking me!

@Sunshineandflipflops I think Mr Sas is just using different language. He's so into you. He probably means he doesn't want to commit to something yet. I get that. But he's clearly smitten. Maybe we can make him a smitten bench in disguise.

Can't remember all the other posts I meant to reply to now...

Oh @Auba14 I'm sorry. But I am another one who is wary of those immediate thunderclap/being in each other's pockets type starts. I think it's healthier to have a slow grow. I hope you're having a lovely time in the London rain.

Thanks @Peanuthedz and I can totally relate to your description of love.
If I stop kidding myself then I can admit that I am in love with MrSAS. It's not your archetypal kind of love but I also think love can look very different to different people.
I won't be telling him this but then I don't feel I need to. He knows how I feel about him and I think I know how he feels about me too.

@JeSuisPrest does it make a difference if you put it in the context you know he loves you, he just can't say it?

@fmfl Well done for getting that first date done.

I might still be in bed just not mine