Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Sunshineandflipflops Either be the bigger person and don't respond and accept it for the compliment he obviously intends it to be - it's a statement - it doesn't actually need a response, or just say "I know."

@LooUpdate He bought you flowers, you had a lovely meal and I assume great evening chatting and enjoying each other's company. I think probably sex just isn't as high on his agenda as it is on yours and neither of you are wrong, you're just mismatched. Either you need to make it obvious that you are expecting to DTD or start looking for someone who's libido matches yours. FWIW he seems like a lovely guy and I'd definitely be having a gentle conversation about how important physical intimacy is to you in a relationship and how you need it to feel secure/wanted/desired. He may feel the flowers and meal were a fab way of showing you how much he likes you, whereas you may have been happy with an evening in bed licking nutella off each others naked bodies - who knows? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks everyone. I haven't replied, I just can't.

@LooUpdate I agree with the others. It sounds like you had a lovely evening and he went to quite a lot of though and effort, yet you are feeling upset because you didn't have sex.

I can't help but think of this was the other way round then the guy would be receiving some stern words about only being after one thing.

If your sex drives are very mismatched then maybe you need to call it a day.

Mr VW hasn’t even read my WhatsApp message from this morning...tonight’s date looks like a probable no-show. Aargh what am I doing wrong?!

I don't understand why it's up to to the man to try it on and if he doesn't you just go to sleep without showing him or telling him that you want to have sex. Think you need to be a bit more forward rather than waiting for him, but maybe he's just not the right man for you.

Nothing FMFL it’s not you it’s them!

sunshine I would say “thanks, I know”

looupdate agree with everyone else I think you might be sexually mismatched

wooma Mr Offgrid doesn’t have a tv 👎 but he does live in a treehouse which sounds fun! He had just messaged to say he is not tall however 🙈

I thought it was normal to be all over each other in the early days?

I guess it's back to POF :(

So the love bite is on my neck and it's raining here so have a big jumper on! Seeing ex tonight as he's dropping my boy off. @LooUpdate MrTall came over the other night and left without having sex as he said he wanted to show me it wasn't all about sex...we also didn't do it on our first date. @Sunshineandflipflops I think you're right not to reply as whatever you say he'll take wrong in my experience!

@Sunshineandflipflops I agree with kermit here; any response you give is just ammunition to him, however polite or non-committal it is. My ex is a stone cold bastard so perhaps I’m a little battle-scarred, but my advice would be not to reply.

@LooUpdate It's not necessarily about "normal", it's about what you are not happy with and if you want/need more sex than he does and you can't talk about it then maybe you do both need to move on.

@LooUpdate It does seem that this can easily be solved by you saying you had a great time (the last time) you DTD and you can't wait to do it again (and again). I would say that's sufficient encouragement for your average guy. It seems your chap is trying and evidently wants you around so maybe there is still some apprehension on his part. However it's difficult for us to say for sure what's missing without knowing how you talk with each other about this.

A happy update for the thread too: things feel brilliant with me and MsM&M - we've had two awesome weekends together and now a slight hiatus as we are trying to sort out dating with kids in tow through the school hols.

Fantastic news @hairyarsedman

Yes great news Hairy pleased to hear things are still going well

Great update hairy

Fab news @HairyArsedMan! Love all these positive stories!

My news: the date IS ON!!!! Squeeeee! I’m playing it cool, obvs. It’s just for an hour as he has to leave for work but that’s enough time for a good first impression I’m hoping! Alternately excited and bricking it.

FMFL yay, pleased for you. Keep us posted.

Much delayed second date with Mr Courteous tomorrow. It feels like it could actually be something so obviously I'm freaking out.

Excellent FMFL hope it goes well

You'll be fine Cassettes you've done the difficult bit converting the 1st to a 2nd date, now go and enjoy yourself

Bugger I keep writing long messages about bikinis, hugs for auba and comments on sunshine being a fantastic mum and they keep going.

So I'll be brief. Mr R half said he loved me on our last date and changed his mind / chickened out and said something else! This follows on from the drunken declaration about a month ago.

@LooUpdate maybe he thought he was being respectful? Or he wanted you to make the first move? Mr R came over one night and I was expecting sex. He has a high sex drive but that night just wanted a cuddle and I still really enjoyed it. If you go on another date perhaps you can send some anticipatory texts on the day of the date perhaps telling him what you'd like to do that evening to get him in the mood. Or you can also send texts telling him what he did that you really enjoyed the last time you dtd which might boost his confidence.

ant the problem is he seems to think that we just need to have this second date then we'll be official! I do like him but he is rushing things. Ugh I think it's not going to go well at all, but I owe him the decency to discuss my concerns face to face - texting for us just doesn't work

Cassettes is he new to OLD and therefore a bit too keen or conversely been doing it a long time and desperate for it to work once he finds somebody he likes?
I'd have thought that if you explain it's still early days and that it should all be about having fun and finding out about each other rather than discussing commitment, he'd hopefully take that on board and relax a bit?

He’s new to it so yes, I’m sure you’re right ant. I’ll try to stay calm

Best of luck @FMFL glad your date has come through.

Oops @CassettesAreCool good luck to you too !

@FMFL I hope tonight goes really well.

@LooUpdate Everyones normal is completely different. But unless you both talk about your normal you won’t know where you stand. MrNN and my normal is a bit different, he was a bit put out that I wouldn’t well, put out, but I kind of expected that, but now he knows why it isn’t a big deal. Obviously if he still wasn’t happy after an explanation that would be fine as no one has to compromise if they don’t want to/isn’t the right thing for them.