Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@sunshineandflipflops. Well done your DS. I think all the kids are tired and emotional at this point in the year. My DS2 is clearly exhausted. It’s the end of the swimming year too, so he’s all gala’d and school’d out. He’s very keen for it to be the holidays.

@kerkyra I still don’t think you’re a commitment phobe. It may well be that the standard model of relationships isn’t something you can or want to commit to right now, but it is possible to be with someone in different ways and to still be committed to them.

Let’s face it, none of our lives are going to fit the idealised model of family. Indeed we seem to offend the super conservative (but in denial about being so) smug married daily mail reading types by daring to want to date (there’s a hideous thread at the moment that I can’t report for technical reasons - it features lots of ‘divorce is too easy’, ‘people just don’t work at marriages’ and ‘won’t anyone think of the children’ posts). So it’s not surprising that so many on the thread are looking at different models for relationships that suit them and their circumstances.

@butterflyFed I don’t think there’s a single answer to any of your questions. I’m not sure I’d be keen on a guy in his 30s living with his parents (even in a basement) other than as a very temporary stop gap. Even setting aside the logistics, it doesn’t speak to a life plan that fits with my own.

@AverageGuy I managed to complete tinder at least twice before I met MrSG. It was depressing. I’m not sure it’s a sign that you’re undatable though. I still managed to meet someone despite being unappealing to the vast majority of men in this region (to be fair, they weren’t what I was looking for either). I do honestly think it’s like playing slot machines in a casino. Very occasionally something actually does come up, but usually all you get is drivel.

Whereabouts are you, Average? Maybe you need to increase your distance settings? I live in a good sized city but still ended up matched with fellas 40+ minutes away (and one in a different country haha).

I like to talk to Mr TDB on the phone, he has am adorable giggly laugh. And his accent is aaahhh. (I am American so he feels the same about mine!)

How lovely @kermitrulesok. MrSG and I never phone each other either. We just message or spend time together. Mostly we spend time together so we don’t chalk up the messages at the rate you and MrTall are.

@WooMaWang that's the thing we see each other every couple of days so don't know how we're clocking the messages up! We still have a lot to say when we're together too!

This will all change soon as my kids are coming back after staying with my parents down south for the last 3 weeks. MrTall has been coming round to look after me. He's coming this evening for food, drinks and cuddles

Ah. Just think how many messages you’ll clock up when you aren’t able to see each other as often. 😂

@WooMaWag Which thread? I'm intrigued but it will probably just make me angry. I was probably more 'black and white' about relationships and marriage before mine broke down...I guess it's easy to be so when you can and when your life is very black and white. Mine is all shades of grey now and I sometimes feel a little embarrassed talking to people about my relationship with Mr SAS because it's not conventional so I just say "it's complicated", which it's not really but easier than trying to explain!

@WooMaWang thousands probably! @Sunshineandflipflops I don't think it'll be long before you and Mr SAS are together properly

Just a quick update from me - still on the smitten bench. He feels like a complete shit, can't stop apologising and is convinced I'm going to dump him. I am sooooo not going to do that because I loves him. He'll catch up soon enough I'm sure. Loads of lovely messages and phone calls from him yesterday/last night/this morning. Apparently I'm in for a weekend of being looked after and generally treated like a queen - no change there then. I told him that I'd rather he never told me he loved me and we carried on as we are, than have someone who tells me 10 times a day and makes me feel like shit.

@AverageGuy I reached the end of Tinder several times, but I think POF might be a bottomless pit... so many people are on both though.

@kermitrulesok That's an impressive amount of communication for 5 weeks! I'm 13 weeks in and only 4,950, but 600 photos.

@Sunshineandflipflops You seems to have got into a good groove with MrSAS. I do think he may surprise you yet.

@MoreNiceCereal I always had overnighters with FWB, but ONS I always left post DTD.

@pinkpixie83 What do you mean you are getting it all wrong? Do you have some irons on the go at the moment/planning any meet ups? What are you looking for - something long term/bit of fun/something in between? We've got it all here...

The one about women with children with more than two fathers. Some of the judgemental bullshit on it is astounding. I can’t believe it’s been allowed to stand.

Don’t look. There is a lot of ‘I’m happily married and these people just don’t try hard enough’ type stuff. As well as lots of ‘it’s those undereducated scummy types that do it’. And a poster who keeps insisting that people just don’t care about their existing children when they decide to have more.

And then there’s all the talk of people from other cultures that’s sweeping generalisations and stereotypes. It’s just lovely.

@JeSuisPrest lovely update I really love and totally invested in you and MrC! @WooMaWang I've read that thread...depressing the judgemental bullshit on there by fellow women!

Oh I saw that thread. Blurgh.

My existence didn't end the moment I had DC or even when my husband decided to assault me and I kicked the bastard out. I deserve a bit of fun in life and a chance at a healthy relationship eventually.

@jesuisprest Mr C sounds so lovely!

I’m now on Tinder - wow. Quite a few matches and some conversations going on, one iron wants to meet up rather than message and he works in my home town. This will be my first OLD date if it happens! I’ve got one iron on Bumble but despite him saying he’d like to meet, he has yet to respond to my question as to when and where. I seem to catch these fish but can’t land them

Keep going @FMFL! Tinder match sounds like a good beginning.

@WooMaWang I don't think i'll read as changing my home insurance has just got me angry enough for today!

All I'll say is that a lot of people were 'happily married' once but it can all come crashing down in a second and leave you re-evaluating everything you once thought you believed in. I hope none of these people ever find themselves shoved off their righteous pedestals.

@JeSuisPrest I'm so happy things are ok with you and MrC. You soppy git

@FMFL I think we've all had the slippery fish experience on here. Read the rules and stick with them. OLD is bloody brutal and a thick skin is required! When you meet the right one you'll know

Can someone point em in the direction of the controversial thread please? I'm in an argumentative mood...

How other people see British single mums http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3640433-how-other-people-see-british-single-mums

@Sunshineandflipflops Be nice!

Hello! Can I come and join you? Dipping my toe in - not sure it's for me but think you have to give everything a try once!

Can I ask for some Match advice? Tried tinder a few weeks ago and was completely overwhelmed by all the no effort, generic 'hi' messages. Had a couple of conversations but no one that I seemed very compatible with and it weirded me out a bit so I decided to come off.

Thought I would try Match as paid for but I don't really understand it! I am getting loads of profile views but the (few) blokes who 'favourite' me or 'wink' seem to be miles away, want kids (I'm 44), far too young (or old) or have absolutely no profile. Only a few messages so far and nothing very exciting. Is mutual favouriting like matching on Tinder? Or do you message people even if they don't favourite you back? It's very confusing!
Sorry for all the questions- Out of my depth here.

sunshine I am going to join you on the other thread. My stbxh is been a shit so am in the mood to argue. Don’t be nice, I am on my way to back you up!

Re FWBs and sleepovers. Me and Mr Big always stayed over but I think that might have been an issue as it was so lovely and intimate that I got the feels

jesuis 😍😍😍

So I have 2 new irons. One I will call Mr Offgrid - from tinder, very gorgeous and a gsoh so far. The other off fab. I havnt been on for ages but popped on last night to a lovely message from a very hot young man who I kind of recognised. He said he saw me a few weeks ago at the swingers club I went to. I remember seeing him and thinking he was very good looking but out of my league (plus I was with Mr Big and Ms Cutie). He said I looked stunning in my dress and went on to describe it! Said he wanted to come say hi but was too intimidated by my beauty 😂Asked if I want to go for a coffee sometime. What will I call him? Mr Quest I think! Maybe someone far too young and unsuitable would be better for a FWB than someone who ticks boxes for a relationship!

Btw, this is for you @WooMaWang

Not only we have 2 lines, but it get flooded whenever it rains a bit and there are constant power outages/signal problems (you get this at least once a week in your ride to work).

Mr Big got in contact. He is very sorry, didn’t mean to hurt me, likes me a lot but he cannot do proper relationships and shouldn’t have said he could. Wants us to be friends 🤷‍♀️ I am confused because obviously it’s only a few weeks ago we went to a swingers club and had an orgy so really really should I have expected exclusivity? I also really enjoyed having all these wild new sexual experiences and wonder if I could do exclusivity myself at the moment. Gonna give myself some time, do some swiping/ dating and see how I feel. I don’t want to be a fallback girl but I don’t think I am emotionally available either due to young kids and awful stbxh!

@JeSuisPrest I'm ready to start looking for the real deal I suppose, although I'm wary because of having children, ideally I want a relationship that starts slowly, accepting my free time and building up to meeting them. It's tricky.

Getting it wrong - well over the last 12 months mainly I seem to attract people that don't want the same as me but are prepared to make me think they do. I am currently talking to one man, but day 2 of chatting and my boobs have come up in conversation, from him I must add, .
I'm wondering if i'm giving off the wrong vibes

@pinkpixie83 you're not giving offf the wrong vibes at all. It's the blokes their being arseholes! The subject of sex didn't come up at all with MrTall for ages and when it did it felt nice and easy to talk about. There's been no sexting and that's great too! We've dtd a few times and it's all very natural and not forced iyswim?

@Marlboroandmalbec34 you are so hot it is memorable! Rejoice in the ego boost and remember that the fastest way to get over a man is under another I only had FWB in my twenties but I ended it after 3 months or so to avoid becoming involved. Also, usually guys who were not suitable for relationships in obvious ways (leaving the country in a few months, on the rebound, etc)

About timing I know everyone is different, I am just wondering if there are common indicators and when to "stop pursuing".

I met XH in a conference abroad. The first day I met a bunch of people. The chemistry with XH was so brutal that the second day the just-met strangers were asking and encouraging me to go for it. The third day we spent the night together and after that it was hours a day of video chat. Less than a month later he was visiting me from overseas and asking me to be his girlfriend.

Since separating 4 years ago I haven't felt like that again although I got like a house on fire with a colleague. He is perfect for me in many ways, but unfortunately he has big flaws too that made me turn a relationship down. However this relationship developed over mobths almost a year. I don't think I can give dating someone that long to decide.