Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Since my post he has gone to bed very tired and emotional. Lots going on this week, focussed around change and leaving school and he is over tired, bless him.

@shitwithsugaron We can't help but worry about how these things will affect them but it's way more common amongst their peers than it was when I was a kid even. All we can do is our best and hope it's good enough x

I think it was crust who kindly said I wasnt a commitment phobe and Mr dadbod just wasnt for me.
But I still feel I'm heading to be Ms unavailable.
It's very hard with kids in the equation and at the back of my mind my youngest had his dad leave,then I married again and he left after five years. I promised myself I wouldn't mix dating with my son ever again and protect him ( though he is fine now). I think if my son was 18 I'd be very available!! So that's always at the back of my mind when I date. Trying to keep potential boyfriends away from the house.
I have two older DC and they have accidentally met a few dates but they're adults now and know I date 🙂.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩?

So I have been messaging Mr Rugby for the last few days, I notice he messages on WhatsApp through the day, then about 6pm nothing.

First couple of days he volunteered info that he was out and would ‘go quiet’ with friends/work

But now I’m like hmmmmmm

I don’t want to waste my time as we had planned to meet for a first date at the weekend.

I’ve asked him straight which will make me sound like a loon but I think it’s better than just wondering.

He seems very nice and ordinary btw but still no full length picture

@kerkyra This is my issue too. My ex had an affair and is still with the girl, sorry, woman now. The kids met her after 6 months.

I feel like I want to offer them some stability now and not introduce more change into their lives. It's true three of us in our home now and that's their constant.

I want a private life but I feel like I want to keep it very separate from my kids and I guess with MrSAS that works.

Theres something in the water with these Mr Rugbys.
Stilllookingforhardy do you think he's married? The weekend is nearly here so hope he gets in touch,though the non messaging after 6 is abit suspect.
I'm wondering why my old Mr Rugby sent me a random pic from years ago,saying look what popped up on my fb. Lead me on why not!!? He says he will never have a gf again and loves being single and doing what he wants, so we are just friends .sigh

Sunshine,I get you. And if Mr SAS gives you what you need at this moment,then I think it's a good idea. The fact he isnt available in the long term,well, perhaps that's less stress to you?
I'm thinking,now I've dtd ( though it was mighty quick,like one minute) and I'm over my ' I need to be cared for/be in love to do it) that your situation could suit me.

I haven’t read the book but I’m pretty sure I’m ms unavailable. I don’t really want to be and I keep hoping I’ll meet someone who will make me want to be vulnerable, but what are the chances?

One minute kerkyra! Lucky you 😊

I am going to grab a copy of that book! I have read the "he is just not in to you". Any other recommendations for an OLD (and dating in general) newbie?

I have my 5th date with Mr Chef tomorrow and first with MrFlu, although we have not confirmed place... I think I am going to let it play. If he doesn't write MrChef has already offered to extend our date.

After that strange conversation with MrChef about sex and expectations I had a good long think and I wonder a few things when I read your stories.

• How long since you meet until you are "smitten"/off dating apps, there is something going on?

• Communication. We have only been using yexy, no phone calls. Daily but maybe 5 to 10 texts exchanged. First date was 3 weeks ago. What's the norm here?

Also, what do you make of him inviting me over (lives with his mom, has his own room -not basement/separate space )? It was off-putting but he had a girlfriend for 1 year who stayed over

Gosh, that should say we use text not yexy!

@butterflyFed I was about to ask what yexy was 😂

The guy I was seeing a few weeks ago was loving with his parents too and wasn't allowed "girls over"...he is 37 😂

That was one of the reasons we stopped seeing each other as it just didn't feel like a grown up relationship. We are still in touch though and he is about to rent his own place and wants me to go to the housewarming 😄

As for how long...I think it's different for everyone. Some people know they don't want to date anyone else straight away and that's fine. Others like to keep their options open for longer but as long as you're bit on true same page there's no right or wrong.

Mr TDB has invited me to stay over Sunday night.

Those of you with fwb, is this a bad idea? It's nice he wants to hang out for longer but it seems like it could blur lines a bit maybe? I'm in two minds.

Sorry about all my typos, it's early!

morenice I always stay over with my FWBs. For me, and them, the benefits extend beyond evening/nighttime sex to all night cuddles. Then morning sex 😊. Just pitching up, having sex and going home feels sleazy. I don’t find it blurs any lines, but then I have a heart of stone in relation to them. If you think there is a chance that actually you (or they) want more than FWB, perhaps best avoided.

I think it's all unique to the individual. Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts (somebody was asking for book recommendations, I defo recommend this and was recommended it by somebody else too) - she would say date multiply with gay abandon until a guy has committed to you, and have as much fun as possible. I was doing that, and it certainly avoids you getting over attached too soon and it's much easier to walk away if you've got another date lined up. I've broken the rule with Mr 5in1 as I just don't want to see anybody else ... however I went on multiple dates while we were chatting before we met up, which I told him about in general chat - well we did message for 2 months before meeting! I think letting them know you're in demand is a good thing )

Speaking of him, I have discovered that I have signal where I'm camping (unheard of) and he is much more back to his normal self

@CassettesAreCool I am cultivating a heart of stone, haha. Mr TDB is lovely in many ways but we are not suited long-term. I'll think on this for the next few days though. Might not even be possible, babysitter wise, anyway.

@kerkyra my ex didn't leave me for anyone but he did move on very quickly. We had small children and simply didn't feel like I could bring in someone serious again that quickly. I ended up falling into an exclusive FWB situation which has suited me extremely well, we see each other every few weeks, sometimes staying over, getting on as great friends. Ok ideally I'd like to meet 'the one' but this appears to be ticking my boxes a lot and I guess my life isn't ready for 'the one' just yet either.

@morenicecereal not least because of the morning sex opportunity, I always stay over at Mr Gs. I don't like the shag and go scenario. Different people have different rules fur their FWBs.

I'm not sure I can call MrSAS a FWB... I think we're somewhere between that and a relationship but we haven't actually spent the whole night together since we have been back on. That's because his teenage daughter lives with him full time so I can't stay there and he doesn't want to leave her alone all night to stay at mine but he will come round and stay until about 1/2am then leave.

We really want to spend the whole night together again, which is why we're looking at a weekend away later in the summer, if his daughter has somewhere she can stay. I love morning cuddles and sex.

Hi all,

Can I join in?
Been single for nearly 3 years now, although I've been dabbling in OLD for the past two years. I just seem to get it all wrong. Maybe that is how I come across but I'm at the point now where I would really like to meet someone.
Sounds like there are some real success stories on here, so maybe sharing and listening will help me out.

I've finished Tinder!
Been swiping this morning, and now "there is no-one new around you"!!

Is there any space on the undateable bench?

@averageguy - what happens when tinder runs out? Is a house move on the cards?? Hope others will have some good suggestions.

@AverageGuy I have finished Tinder multiple times, one of the reasons I have come off them all! My heart isn't really in it anyway because of Mr SAS so I was hardly swiping right on anyone. Are you on any other apps/sites?

@AverageGuy - presumably more people join all the time?

sunshine thanks, that helps. Yes, I'm on most of the free apps.

pinkpixie Absolutely. It was just a bit of a shock...

Welcome to the newbies! I'm very much on the smitten bench with MrTall. After about 2 weeks of messaging we came off the apps and decided to only message each other. We are now 5 weeks in about 6/7 dates and nearly 9000 messages! We just don't seem to make the jump to phone calls and would rather message.

When I was on the apps I finished Bumble loads of times so just adjusted my settings and more seemed to pop up. I've never been on tinder and met my new beau on OKCupid