Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@GleefulGlitch I'm the same height, can relate! takes a moment to swoon at Mr 5in1 for being 6ft 4.

Gods response?! HIS response!!

Thanks all - I've had a good chat with a RL friend who has said what you've all been saying. He's been messaging and phoning me non stop saying it changes nothing, he still feels everything he did before, I'm all he thinks about, he knows he's hurt me by saying that and he wishes he hadn't said it. He doesn't want me to end things and wants us to carry on as before. I'm so confused though. Everything he does and says shows me that he loves me, he just doesn't want to say it. I feel loved by him. He tells me he's happier now than he's been in years and can't imagine me not in his life. I didn't tell him I loved him, he asked me and I said yes, then he said his bit which completely floored me. Until I stop feeling love and affection from him, or my feelings towards him change, I'm going to try my best just to draw a line under it, and know that when (and if) he does say it, he really means it. That's a bit grown up and sensible for me isn't it??

@shitwithsugaron I get it and was thinking the same!! @JeSuisPrest good plan and very level headed thinking!

I don't really want to get into anything that's too outing but he's grieving at the moment.

He was drunk and sent me a message saying " My heart is blank🤷‍♂ I wish it wasn't. I think I have a shield up. I can't get hurt anymore than I am already. Xx"

Then straight away: "Call me, what I just said was unfair to you xx"

On the phone he asked if I loved him and I said yes, and he was explaing how much he cared about me, but he didn't love me because he thinks he incapable of it in his current state and he wants me to know why he hasn't said it, but he doesn't want me to doubt his feelings for me.

Ouch that was a tough way for a declaration of love to happen @JeSuisPrest.

That's a bit grown up and sensible for me isn't it?? shock
Not sure who stole your login but I'm relieved to know they aren't going to go and sabotage a very special relationship 😂

Xpost
Okay the drunkenness and grieving came into play. That's hard

Keep moving forward. You guys will be okay

If you survived Miss Beach and came out stronger together, you'll get through this

gleeful the height thing is hard. I always feel really mean asking about height or rejecting for height as it feels superficial but I don’t fancy guys who are shorter than me 🙈

jesuis did you ask him why he asked you?

I know it’s the right with Mr Big but it feels awful. I just want to cry (and smoke- I won’t) I have some of his books do I offer to return or assume he doesn’t want back? I have tickets for us to see a gig (none of my friends can go) do I offer them to him? OR am I just desperately searching for reasons to make contact? It’s so hard. This time last week we were making so many lovely plans ☹️

Cross post jesuis

Ah that makes more sense JeSuis. Good of him to recognise and admit it was unfair of him. It really does sound like he just needs a bit of time and your loving presence to let his guard down. Similar is going on with Mr 5in1, not over the L word but he's not letting me in to support him as much as I'd like with his mum - partly because we are very new and not even officially an item nor talked exclusivity yet, but there's a fair bit of not getting supported from last relationship I think, and coping mechanism in general of having to hold it all together. I think he'll open up if we stay together, but it's going to take the time it takes.

Marlboro - can you post the books to return them?

Tickets - I'd sell on Facebook. Don't offer to him, I think that would be opening a door unwisely. Hugs xxx

Are you hungover or still pissed this morning shitwith 😂😂😂

@Marlboroandmalbec34 the going and staying! nc is really hard. You know what what happened when @shitwithsugaron attempted to just go to a gig... (apparently) in fairness she was still in contact.

Id send the books to him and sell the tickets.

Not @shitwithsugaron, @Sunshineandflipflops. Sorry

JeSuis this sounds fine to me, he sounds like he's trying to process his own feelings by understanding how he should feel based on you.
It's tough for you to hear but sounds like he feels very comfortable being that open and honest with you. If he's going through a tough time then him struggling to pinpoint that he definitely loves tou will be difficult, and as coffee said it shows how much integrity he has that he hasn't just said it to keep you happy.

I recycled Mr D's books. He still has mine. They're irrelevant. Mr Big certainly doesn't deserve a gig on your dime after that shit

Scrap my idea about sending the books back. He doesn't deserve it. Take care them to your local charity shop ASAP

Yes, my 'just friends going to a gig' attempt obviously ended up being more than that and here we are. In honesty though, I wasn't ready to cut contact so had to do what I had to do. It might (probably will) backfire at some point but right now I'm as smitten as i can be.

But you two were still in contact @Sunshineandflipflops so it is bit different. I also don't think anyone was surprised what happened after.

Yes, not loads but we were in contact.