Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Place mark and testing name change

Have a great night @Sunshineandflipflops 😉

@cassettesarecool am I? Well yes, it is very early for meeting friends. It wouldn't have come up but for the fact that we are both living back with parents and have nowhere private to go to at home - hence the hotel booking on Saturday. She's offered a private cottage at the bottom of her large garden, but it would be meet the friend as I wouldn't do it without having at least a quick catch up with her. It would only be one night, not like taking a full holiday or even mini break.

He's offered to join me in my tent at the festival but he'd have to pay the full week's admission just to get on site for one night, and a full week camping would defo be too much too soon! 😂

Sigh

Hello everyone! I've not posted in an awfully long time but I have followed along. It makes me so happy to see so many of you on the smitten and beyonce bench after following your stories.

Unfortunately for me I am still in the same place. I have no problem getting conversations going and some dates too, but they just never come to anything. I was considering asking for tips from you loved up ones, but in all honesty as I've been at this for over a year now, and probably exhausted the supply of decent single men, I think it may actually be time to admit defeat!

I would be happy with finding some new friends at least but I seem to be both undateable and unfriendable so I will be living vicariously through you all!

@DancingWithWillard Hi, I am in a similar position to you, 18 months on. Well, 12 months of dating. I have met some really nice guys and had some lovely dates yet find myself with a man who can't commit and doesn't believe in monogamy!

I have come off the apps though and have realised that at the moment, this is all I can deal with anyway as my life is pretty complicated and busy.

I'm sure there are plenty of men out there you haven't crossed paths with yet but sometimes a break is the best thing and then come back with a new frame of mind.

Thanks sunshine . I've taken a break a few times and nothing really changes. I hope this doesnt sound maudlin, as I dont feel that way, but I am wondering if some people are simply unsuited to being in a relationship. Surely there are people who are simply not attractive to the opposite sex? I'm not ugly but I think I have quite a difficult personality as I'm a strong minded person and I have flaws etc so it may be I simply am missing that something that men want.

As I say, I'm not upset about it, it's just something I'm reflecting on just now.

@shitwithsugaron - here’s another perspective on the anger thing. My stbxh would hate it if I sad he looked angry but accuse me of being angry all the time. He had a traumatic childhood which has left him a personality disorder and he is also abusive. Even he managed to hide it for a long time so I would be moving on after such a short time I think. Whatever the reason behind his anger projections they are not going to be fixed anytime soon if he has been in therapy his whole life. Supporting someone is one thing - enduring shitty behaviour is another.

You might want to make it clear that it’s a private cottage @Coffeeandchocolate9. Because the thought of first time sex in someone’s friend’s house would not appeal to me. I’m glad things are going well for you.

It isn’t you @DancingWithWillard. Sometimes it’s just bloody hard to find anyone suitable. And I think it can be very easy to feel like you’ve depleted the entire local pool of candidates on OLD.

Enjoy the toy @sunshineandflipflops. 😏

The real question is: have you been to IKEA yet, @Ant330? That’s when you really know it’s a Thing. 😂

DancingWith we're all flawed, even if it doesn't seem so in a profile, so I wouldn't fixate on that. Although it doesn't sound like you're losing sleep over it
Not sure how accurate this is, but general consensus on the other male dominated forum I read on this topic is that if it feels like you're just seeing the same old faces on the apps, then a delete and start again is the best option. Something to do with the algorithms seeing you as a newbie and therefore changing who you see and vice versa. As I say don't know how much truth is in that as never tried.

Oh and thought I'd mention I've heard how many of you like a man with rolled up shirt sleeves so guess what I'm wearing tonight
This thread even provides me with fashion advice 😂

So Mr Hot is very surprising. I told him he looked young for his age and asked him how tall he is and what his surname is. He sent me a pic of his (non-UK) passport in reply, which contains all these details! Red flag weirdo or wow??

ant mmm rolled-up shirtsleeves, a little chest hair in an open neck shirt - seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with this!

Bugger dinner cancelled she's not feeling well, think she's picked up the stomach bug her son had yesterday.
She's going to see how she feels in half hour as she wants to come over here (my bed's comfier apparently), but if not I'll go over and look after her.
All dressed up and nowhere to go 😂 never mind.

Cassettes maybe MrHot has just been asked for personal info prior to a date before and thinks this is the safest thing he can show someone?
I remember MissOz saying somebody once sent her a photo of their driving licence before a first date as he'd been asked so many times before.

Hi there,

I hope you guys can help...

I've just reactivated my Guardian Soulmates profile- and I'm determined to meet someone this time!

I've clearly been doing something wrong because despite having a really nice profile picture, I get ZERO likes and ZERO messages.

I've broadened my search in terms of age and location, and I've gone through liking people left right and centre. Some (but very few) have viewed my profile, but absolutely no one has liked me.

What should I do now? Do I just message people out of the blue?

I know I'm attractive as I get attention in the street etc. But I don't know how to get someone interested in me on the site?

I stupidly paid for 3 months- so I'm determined to get something out of it. I've been single for 4 yrs with absolutely no action- so getting a bit desperate now!!!

I think the problem will be that guardian soulmates is just not very busy, @helpmebefree. I had a look and up here there was pretty much no one using it. The nearest person was in a city 90 minutes away by (fast, intercity) train. Maybe try tinder. Honestly, everyone is on tinder. 😂

@Ant330 It’s a shame she’s not feeling well. Your dressing strategy sounds perfect - even if it is just to provide tea, sympathy and hugs.

@CassettesAreCool He’s probably just trying to be really clear that he’s definitely not lying. It’s kind of an efficient way to do that, I guess.

cassettes I think sending a pp is quite good actually. Means he doesn’t mind you having a little stalk and probs not gonna murder you!

helpme tinder! Everyone I have met through every other channel is on tinder

ant you and miss hair sound so lovely and rolled up short sleeves weeeewaaaawooowahhh

dancingwith think we have all felt like that! It’s not you!

I’m waiting for Mr Tennis who is running late as got stuck in a meeting

helpme I would definitely recommend the free sites in addition. And re the profile, I’m pretty sure that I get matches and messages because in every single pic I am smiling and look happy and natural. Not sure if that helps or not

rolled-up shirtsleeves, a little chest hair in an open neck shirt - seriously, guys, you can’t go wrong with this!

Seconded!!

Hope she feels better soon, Ant

Oh thanks guys - was on the brink of using tinder- but think I'll give it a go now - I have nothing to lose!!!

@Ant330 It’s nice of you to go round to make sure she’s okay, I hope you don’t end up catching it.

@CassettesAreCool That only works with certain people though, you have to have very well defined arms to pull it off, or you look like a dad reading the sunday papers.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I hope MrTennis wasn’t too late.

I went to MrNNs flat at lunch today, he’s going to the states for two weeks for work ☹️ (fairly regular in our industry), I made sure to order a few different types of oreo, they have so many more flavours in the states. His flat mate was in and asked if it was a clothes on or clothes off lunch 😂

It was bfs birthday yesterday and his mum came to visit today as well, so MiniSJT and I went to see them after work/nursery, we didn’t get home until 8 so MiniSJT will be a swine tomorrow.

shit I have been reading along the thread for a while but just wanted to jump on and say there is no MH condition that I am aware of and I worked in MH for 5 years that involves not reading cues.

He is likely to be on the autistic spectrum. He may not know it or then he may use MH has a cover.

What I would say though is I spent 3 years will my ex who I am sure has ADHD, but wouldn’t acknowledge it or seek help. It was just ‘anxiety’ but it drained me and I stayed way too long.

I guess what I’m saying is MH or Autism or no issue at all he needs to communicate that with you then you need to decide whether you are happy with that

So I’m back! I was there November time when Scotgal join and Jesuis started seeing Mr Abs?

I had a 5 month relationship with a guy I met on a tinder. After I love yous, meeting my kids and future plans he dumped me because I suggested that competing in his hobby every weekend meant that we didn’t get much time together

Any I thought I’d have a swipe and I connected with a iron I’ll call him Mr Rugby.

Well seems lovely and funny and decent but there are only Head and shoulder shots

That’s a bad sign night?

simon you’re wrong, ALL men look good in shirtsleeves, however defined the arms. To me anyway.

dtilllooking what’s wrong with head and shoulder shots?